Finally

Well today definitely confirmed that I am not Crazy, lol.

After several complications yesterday, today came, I had the spinal tap and I am feeling some sense of relief, sorta.

My mom was supposed to come watch Lauren while I had spent the morning in the hospital, but they got a snow storm of sorts up north where they live. I question just how bad it really was by talking to both of my parents and knowing what the weather is like here, a mere hour and a half away, but anyhow...she was unable to come down, so Chris took the day off to take me.
I love that man so much. He works hard to provide for our family and today he really stepped up to the plate to make sure I was well taken care of.

This morning was a whirlwind of getting ready to go...we slept in til a grand whole 5:40am, I put dinner in the crock pot, gathered Lauren's backpack (have to keep her occupied for 5 or more hours) and left at 6:40am
Got signed it at 7:21am and I was NOT on the hospitals short stay list, so they had to figure out what happened, got it all straight and I was headed down to x-ray by 8:20am

Spinal taps are a lot of fun when you get a great staff...ok, they are still painful, but I was really blessed beyond blessed this morning by the great doctor who did the tap, the doctor that got it to work right, and the radiology tech and her two trainees, not to mention the nurses and patient techs on the short stay unit.

The Hospital had been having trouble with one of their Fluoroscopy machines yesterday, they repaired it and asked if I minded being the guinea pig for them to see if it was REALLY working, no, I didn't mind, but I am glad that they checked first because it was NOT working properly, they could barely see the vertebrae let alone my shunt that they were supposed to avoid. Off to the other room, no big deal.

There was some confusion about what Dr. Pieper wanted, so the radiologist paged him, apparently this hospital has two Dr. Pieper's and when mine called back, they were confused and thought that they wanted the other one, I was talking to the radiologist when he called back and so they had to re-page him, it was actually pretty funny, you would think all the goof ups would have made me stressed, but actually they relieved a lot of the stress I had been feeling.

Before he did the tap the radiologist looked at my spine, showed me where he was going to put the needle, showed me where my shunt was, and the flow of tubing, that was really neat to see.

Then we started, Lots of Lidocaine 3 shots to be exact, they started with the spinal needle, not horrible, I was nice and numb. Uh oh, scarring in the way, have to move to a different spot, did not even feel him move until he got really deep, Uhm OUCH, More Lidocaine.
Hmm, I am not getting any csf at all (csf is Cerebral Spinal Fluid).
The radiologist sends one of the techs to get another radiologist, they move me just a little, OUCH, he adjusts the needle OUCH, I actually screamed (I had not done that in radiology before) he asks what is wrong, I reply, THAT HURT (thinking to myself, I like the other one better because he didn't have to ask stupid obvious questions, then pray for forgiveness and Thank God I didn't say it out loud, ask God to give me strength) Then More lidocaine (they put lidocaine in 6 times overall)
We have fluid! YAY! Almost over.

I listen as they read the manometer (pressure measuring device) Mixed emotions are running, the highest number is 58, the lowest is 28. Normal is under 25, preferable under 18, especially with the shunt. I ask the final pressure, 38cm. I feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, the pressure is up, which means something definitely is not right. It is not extremely high, but its high none the less, so I do not know what the next step is. On the other hand, I was right, I knew it was up...It felt really good to know that I am not crazy, it was nice to know that I do know my body.

Now, I am resting in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he is in control, and I am trying to hold onto the peace I had earlier (it is coming and going for some reason)
I have known all along that God is in control of this... Its amazing to see him work. He put me in excellent hands, gave me comfort when I needed it most and best of all, He gave me a day with my husband and daughter by my side all day long.

Be Still

The beginning of this week got off to a bang with Crystal's Make your home a Haven challenge. I got so much accomplished Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday that on Thursday we decided to spend time together as a family and not worry about accomplishing anything. Ironically enough, I managed to complete her task for yesterday of the Bathroom at least effectively enough that DH noticed that it looked better (mainly because his work clothes went in to work with him so the mess that was left was gone.)



While I had planned on a slow day anyhow, I guess I needed it because I woke up with another of those headache days where you just don't have the strength to do anything. When I prayed, I heard ONE verse over and over again. Of course, I have always been really good at the verse part, but where its found is the problem I have. So glad that Lauren is learning how to memorise the location too. Anyhow, Today in my mailbox sat a catalog to my Favorite Christian bookstore all over this catalog today happens to be the verse God had been pressing on me, BE still and Know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a it was on Pillows, plates, plaques, you name it. I realize that I did too much, but I did not realize that God was still proud of me for accomplishing anything.



So often, when I am having a bad day, other things seem to make me feel like a failure that I don't get much done, I don't seem to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even a foot in front of me. It is great to know that God is watching over us when things are going right, and when they aren't going at all.

This week, I had been stressing over some papers that I was expecting in the mail before December 1st. They came today. I had been waiting to hear from Dr. Pieper's office to get the Blue Cross Authorization for my spinal tap next week, she called today, they don't require an authorization for this procedure. Our tax bill came for our winter property taxes. I had been stressed over how much that would be....are you ready? The winter bill is a grand total of $27, I can handle that, but more importantly, God told me to Be still and Know that he is God, He is in control No matter how many things in my life seem to be falling apart.

We tend to forget that God knew what was going to happen before we were even born. I know too, he knew this would stress me out, that's why he was able to provide peace in my home even though the stress was still there.

Last night, the most amazing thing happened in our home. Lauren, decided that she was going to use self control and not go crazy when daddy got upset. She didn't realize it was bed time, and was playing around, instead of getting upset at daddy for getting upset, she came to me and asked if she should apologize to daddy for upsetting him. Isn't that just a big thing for a 5 year old to do? My little girl just wanted to play with her daddy, she did not want him upset. Poor daddy didn't know how to respond, he did however do the right thing and everything was fixed and it was a good night.

Self control is the one thing we have been working on in our home for all of us. We all have tempers, but God wants us to use Self Control. He does not, nor will he ever, want us to fly off the handle when things don't go exactly as we think they should. It is so great that he helps us by giving us grace and mercy when we mess up. Lauren realized that when we do remain calm the outcome is much much easier to take. DH realized that when he listens, she does as well. And I learned, that God has been working in both of their lives, You can pray over your family, but God uses the trials of life to show he has been listening.