Spiritual Warfare.
Stresses are running high, that's what.
MIL is in the hospital. I can't ask people to pray for her because we have no idea whats wrong, she isn't being honest with us.
Dh is falling prey to her every demand, its stressing our family to near the breaking point. A bit of background, we have a very BAD relationship with MIL. There is a very strong spiritual oppression that occurs when we are around her and DH is not strong in his faith at this point, making it even harder on our house.
Satan is really getting a good laugh at our expense, but he WILL NOT win this battle.
Every time I pray, I hear God ask me those Four little words that are extremely aggravating to me at this present moment....DO YOU TRUST ME?
This is stressing me out more so because I am sick I think, I THINK. Its bringing back a lot of very painful memories from early in our marriage. We had been married merely a month when I lost our first child, and ended up having a D&C for a missed miscarriage. DH was at work during that, his grandmother came to the hospital to be with me.
Two months later, I ended up in the hospital with my 3rd PTC attack, I was admitted during the night, I had sent him to work because I knew he would not be able to be with me through a good portion of the time in the ER and we needed the money...he didn't make it to the hospital every day I was in there after being admitted.
The following month, I had the shunt that is now not working properly put in. Once again, he was not there for me, when I woke up, the world had fallen apart (or at least that's how TV portrayed it) and My husband was NO WHERE to be found. Yes, he stayed while I was in surgery that horrible September day, but when I was moved to recovery, he had gone to get the mattress and box springs for our bed instead of being there.
But, his mom is in the hospital, lying to us about whats even wrong (what she said they were doing surgery for is NOT treated surgically and the anesthesiologist is not who tells you how you are doing, I have had More than enough surgeries to know this) and he has been incredibly testy and grumpy. Yes I am bitter, We have had struggles throughout our marriage, but this one is really getting to me. He had not seen her in 6 months and things were finally starting to look up. He was not always crabby and easier to deal with. Even Lauren said something to him today...when he asked her about it, I had to point out that she is not blind, even she can see the stress that this is causing him.
I have not been in church in a little over a month because of various reasons, But I am going tomorrow NO MATTER WHAT. The song that keeps going through my head is
I command you Satan in the Name of the Lord, To pick up your weapons and Flee, for the LORD has Given Me authority to Walk all over thee.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Religion Questions from a FIVE year old
The day is past, but the life of Christ goes on in our hearts for eternity. Yesterday Lauren asked lots of Questions, see, since we do not put up a tree, at this point in our lives, we get lots of questions on others beliefs.
Those questions never seem to be easy, you would think at 5 years old, they would be simple questions, but alas, it is not so. Fortunately, the answers are very simple when it comes down to it. Faith is HUGE, and when we are asked a faith based question with answers that only faith can explain we turn to the Word and look for the answer.
She was interested in how he lives even though he died, and yes, my baby girl got the revelation that easter can not be dated right either just based off of basic math principles. We explained that this time of year we celebrate Christ's Birth, Life and in turn, his death. That's how we do it in our home, its not just his birthday, but all about who he was, what he did, and why it was so significant.
Lauren had to understand the death, he was dead three days and three nights (Matthew 12:40) so he rose on the 4th day, and yes, she figured that out, I did not have to instruct, its basic math.
I am glad she can understand these things at 5 years old, I am glad she is interested, I would rather instill faith in a child, and allow her to ask questions now, while doubt is easy to overcome than be like I was as a child, and accept what I was told as fact, then as an adult, start having all the questions, they were a lot harder for me to overcome, since I had the disadvantage of years to learn things.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas no matter how you celebrate the day or if you celebrate it, at least its a day to be with family instead of at work.
Those questions never seem to be easy, you would think at 5 years old, they would be simple questions, but alas, it is not so. Fortunately, the answers are very simple when it comes down to it. Faith is HUGE, and when we are asked a faith based question with answers that only faith can explain we turn to the Word and look for the answer.
She was interested in how he lives even though he died, and yes, my baby girl got the revelation that easter can not be dated right either just based off of basic math principles. We explained that this time of year we celebrate Christ's Birth, Life and in turn, his death. That's how we do it in our home, its not just his birthday, but all about who he was, what he did, and why it was so significant.
Lauren had to understand the death, he was dead three days and three nights (Matthew 12:40) so he rose on the 4th day, and yes, she figured that out, I did not have to instruct, its basic math.
I am glad she can understand these things at 5 years old, I am glad she is interested, I would rather instill faith in a child, and allow her to ask questions now, while doubt is easy to overcome than be like I was as a child, and accept what I was told as fact, then as an adult, start having all the questions, they were a lot harder for me to overcome, since I had the disadvantage of years to learn things.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas no matter how you celebrate the day or if you celebrate it, at least its a day to be with family instead of at work.
Monday, December 24, 2007
God is Amazing
Yesterday we did something, DH and I that I have NEVER done, we sold a running vehicle. See, I don't drive much unless DH is with me or I am going to Dr's appointments anymore. I just do not trust my abilities and my vision. We had two vehicles, a Very poor running mini van that I trusted to go all of maybe 2 miles on a good day and DH's car that we bought last February when he got tired of driving the van we didn't trust.
I had been debating about calling and pulling the insurance off the van this week since it had not been driven more than in and out of the driveway more than twice in the last month or so, it just didn't make financial sense to pay for something we are not using. Well God made that debate a mute point, Dh was talking to a friend, who was looking for a beater to get his son by til they could get his car fixed. God provided a Buyer, a way to get rid of the worthless van, and more importantly a blessing that we were not even looking for.
Isn't he amazing. I know this is yet another test, God has something big in store for our family I can feel it all over, but he is testing our obedience to him by entrusting us things that we have made promises to take action on.
I am so excited I can barely contain myself, God is so Good to us.
I had been debating about calling and pulling the insurance off the van this week since it had not been driven more than in and out of the driveway more than twice in the last month or so, it just didn't make financial sense to pay for something we are not using. Well God made that debate a mute point, Dh was talking to a friend, who was looking for a beater to get his son by til they could get his car fixed. God provided a Buyer, a way to get rid of the worthless van, and more importantly a blessing that we were not even looking for.
Isn't he amazing. I know this is yet another test, God has something big in store for our family I can feel it all over, but he is testing our obedience to him by entrusting us things that we have made promises to take action on.
I am so excited I can barely contain myself, God is so Good to us.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Emotions
Yesterday I saw the neurologist. I really love how he listens and actually cares.
I left the office with a full fledged case of the emotional ups and downs.
I know that the pressure is up, I knew that last week.
As I suspected, when he found that out, he asked me about the diamox (YUCK) and the shunt.
I will NOT take diamox again, the side effects are way worse than the symptoms it was supposedly treating (maybe if it worked, that would have been a different story, but it didn't)
The shunt info he gave me was a bit disheartening though. I do not know what I was expecting, but it surprised me nonetheless. I was asked if I have a programmable shunt, which I am now seriously praying is the case. If I do they can probably reset it without another surgery. If not, they will likely have to change the hardware and put in a programmable one.
I am not sure what I have because back when I had the shunt put in, programmable ones were used primarily for VP shunts and not LP ones.
I would love to blow this off and say its just a LITTLE high, but the reality is no matter how "just a little high" it is, it is affecting my day to day life and interfering with it enough that I saw the doc in the first place, if I went in, its not just "a little" problem, because I do NOT go in before its bothering me (that's just silly to go when you don't feel bad, I wouldn't have known I was sick otherwise)
Oh well, I guess God is really going to work our faith as a family because its not an easy road we are going down.
The Irony, The 23rd Psalm is what is going through my mind, stopping and focusing on verse 4 Which reads, Yea, tho I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of death I will fear no Evil for you art with me. Thy Rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
I left the office with a full fledged case of the emotional ups and downs.
I know that the pressure is up, I knew that last week.
As I suspected, when he found that out, he asked me about the diamox (YUCK) and the shunt.
I will NOT take diamox again, the side effects are way worse than the symptoms it was supposedly treating (maybe if it worked, that would have been a different story, but it didn't)
The shunt info he gave me was a bit disheartening though. I do not know what I was expecting, but it surprised me nonetheless. I was asked if I have a programmable shunt, which I am now seriously praying is the case. If I do they can probably reset it without another surgery. If not, they will likely have to change the hardware and put in a programmable one.
I am not sure what I have because back when I had the shunt put in, programmable ones were used primarily for VP shunts and not LP ones.
I would love to blow this off and say its just a LITTLE high, but the reality is no matter how "just a little high" it is, it is affecting my day to day life and interfering with it enough that I saw the doc in the first place, if I went in, its not just "a little" problem, because I do NOT go in before its bothering me (that's just silly to go when you don't feel bad, I wouldn't have known I was sick otherwise)
Oh well, I guess God is really going to work our faith as a family because its not an easy road we are going down.
The Irony, The 23rd Psalm is what is going through my mind, stopping and focusing on verse 4 Which reads, Yea, tho I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of death I will fear no Evil for you art with me. Thy Rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Christmas is coming
This week brings so much confusion to our family. Dh refuses to celebrate, we have no tree (not a huge thing) I love to give gifts, it just makes me smile.
DD, poor bug doesn't quite understand why daddy is so adamant, I know the break through is on its way though. This year he has not been nearly as crabby and scrooge like. A nice change from the usual I might add.
School has been a real struggle for us this past few weeks. Bug has been so lazy or careless and its driving me nuts... if she truly did NOT understand I don't think it would bother me so much.
As soon as she puts her mind to it and starts concentrating and working slowly through her school she rarely misses anything.
I think since I started not making her re do all of her work that was wrong she is starting to get more and more careful though. She likes seeing High marks with few wrong.
DD, poor bug doesn't quite understand why daddy is so adamant, I know the break through is on its way though. This year he has not been nearly as crabby and scrooge like. A nice change from the usual I might add.
School has been a real struggle for us this past few weeks. Bug has been so lazy or careless and its driving me nuts... if she truly did NOT understand I don't think it would bother me so much.
As soon as she puts her mind to it and starts concentrating and working slowly through her school she rarely misses anything.
I think since I started not making her re do all of her work that was wrong she is starting to get more and more careful though. She likes seeing High marks with few wrong.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Show must Go on
Today I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, I am tired of fighting with DH over things that should NEVER be an issue, and I am tired of Lauren choosing to argue rather than cooperate when it comes to school time.
So today, life must go on... Yesterday, I accomplished very little, 15 minutes worth of work, no proof that I did anything and misery for the remainder of the day, so today my plans are a bit different.
I need to realize my limitations, keep my stress levels low, because when I don't I pay for it dearly and my family does as well.
This morning, I am going to complete the dishes in my sink...no matter how many loads I wash, it seems that it is always full. I changed out the trash bag in the kitchen can, I will fill the second bag so it can go to the curb this evening.
This afternoon, Lauren and I are going to do school, because she had a half a week off last week, we are going to keep it simple and just work on her phonics and reading comprehension. Tomorrow we will work on the math and handwriting. She is up to lesson 9 in her 1st grade Phonics program, I cannot believe she is already that far. In math she is working her way through Kindergarten but doing 2-3 lessons at a time.
In January we will be adding in Science, Social Studies, and Language Arts, but so far those have not been a priority for us.
Our family has been kind of overwhelmed in spiritual battles right now, but I will post more about that later...yes, its strong on my mind, but right now, I need to go feed Lauren, and get to work before I lose what little energy I have left.
So today, life must go on... Yesterday, I accomplished very little, 15 minutes worth of work, no proof that I did anything and misery for the remainder of the day, so today my plans are a bit different.
I need to realize my limitations, keep my stress levels low, because when I don't I pay for it dearly and my family does as well.
This morning, I am going to complete the dishes in my sink...no matter how many loads I wash, it seems that it is always full. I changed out the trash bag in the kitchen can, I will fill the second bag so it can go to the curb this evening.
This afternoon, Lauren and I are going to do school, because she had a half a week off last week, we are going to keep it simple and just work on her phonics and reading comprehension. Tomorrow we will work on the math and handwriting. She is up to lesson 9 in her 1st grade Phonics program, I cannot believe she is already that far. In math she is working her way through Kindergarten but doing 2-3 lessons at a time.
In January we will be adding in Science, Social Studies, and Language Arts, but so far those have not been a priority for us.
Our family has been kind of overwhelmed in spiritual battles right now, but I will post more about that later...yes, its strong on my mind, but right now, I need to go feed Lauren, and get to work before I lose what little energy I have left.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Human Again
What a week last week turned out to be.
I have had many spinal taps, 9 now to be precise, but all but 2 of them I had been admitted after or during, so I had a nice dose of pain meds already going.
Thursday and Friday I pretty much slept through, Pain started as soon as the lidocaine wore off, yucky.
Today however, I am back to being me, the headaches are back to normal, and things need to be done around here. I am a lousy housekeeper, but I realized after pretty close to 5 days of me being miserable, that I do a decent job of keeping things at least easy to take care of when I find the motivation to do it. No room takes me that long if I stick with it and just do it.
This morning, in 5 minutes I picked my living room back up (I had been on the couch and it looked like EVERYTHING we owned ended up in the living room while I was down)
I made a dozen crunchy cookies (Recipe on other Blog) for Chris to take to work tomorrow for his two coworkers, 6 peppermint and 6 sprinkled.
Dishes are almost caught up. I have one more load as it still hurts to be in one position too long.
Laundry is almost caught up, I have to fold now, then put away.
This week I am going to be attacking our master bedroom. It has been overgrown with stuff for a while now and it really needs to be conquered.
I have had many spinal taps, 9 now to be precise, but all but 2 of them I had been admitted after or during, so I had a nice dose of pain meds already going.
Thursday and Friday I pretty much slept through, Pain started as soon as the lidocaine wore off, yucky.
Today however, I am back to being me, the headaches are back to normal, and things need to be done around here. I am a lousy housekeeper, but I realized after pretty close to 5 days of me being miserable, that I do a decent job of keeping things at least easy to take care of when I find the motivation to do it. No room takes me that long if I stick with it and just do it.
This morning, in 5 minutes I picked my living room back up (I had been on the couch and it looked like EVERYTHING we owned ended up in the living room while I was down)
I made a dozen crunchy cookies (Recipe on other Blog) for Chris to take to work tomorrow for his two coworkers, 6 peppermint and 6 sprinkled.
Dishes are almost caught up. I have one more load as it still hurts to be in one position too long.
Laundry is almost caught up, I have to fold now, then put away.
This week I am going to be attacking our master bedroom. It has been overgrown with stuff for a while now and it really needs to be conquered.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Finally
Well today definitely confirmed that I am not Crazy, lol.
After several complications yesterday, today came, I had the spinal tap and I am feeling some sense of relief, sorta.
My mom was supposed to come watch Lauren while I had spent the morning in the hospital, but they got a snow storm of sorts up north where they live. I question just how bad it really was by talking to both of my parents and knowing what the weather is like here, a mere hour and a half away, but anyhow...she was unable to come down, so Chris took the day off to take me.
I love that man so much. He works hard to provide for our family and today he really stepped up to the plate to make sure I was well taken care of.
This morning was a whirlwind of getting ready to go...we slept in til a grand whole 5:40am, I put dinner in the crock pot, gathered Lauren's backpack (have to keep her occupied for 5 or more hours) and left at 6:40am
Got signed it at 7:21am and I was NOT on the hospitals short stay list, so they had to figure out what happened, got it all straight and I was headed down to x-ray by 8:20am
Spinal taps are a lot of fun when you get a great staff...ok, they are still painful, but I was really blessed beyond blessed this morning by the great doctor who did the tap, the doctor that got it to work right, and the radiology tech and her two trainees, not to mention the nurses and patient techs on the short stay unit.
The Hospital had been having trouble with one of their Fluoroscopy machines yesterday, they repaired it and asked if I minded being the guinea pig for them to see if it was REALLY working, no, I didn't mind, but I am glad that they checked first because it was NOT working properly, they could barely see the vertebrae let alone my shunt that they were supposed to avoid. Off to the other room, no big deal.
There was some confusion about what Dr. Pieper wanted, so the radiologist paged him, apparently this hospital has two Dr. Pieper's and when mine called back, they were confused and thought that they wanted the other one, I was talking to the radiologist when he called back and so they had to re-page him, it was actually pretty funny, you would think all the goof ups would have made me stressed, but actually they relieved a lot of the stress I had been feeling.
Before he did the tap the radiologist looked at my spine, showed me where he was going to put the needle, showed me where my shunt was, and the flow of tubing, that was really neat to see.
Then we started, Lots of Lidocaine 3 shots to be exact, they started with the spinal needle, not horrible, I was nice and numb. Uh oh, scarring in the way, have to move to a different spot, did not even feel him move until he got really deep, Uhm OUCH, More Lidocaine.
Hmm, I am not getting any csf at all (csf is Cerebral Spinal Fluid).
The radiologist sends one of the techs to get another radiologist, they move me just a little, OUCH, he adjusts the needle OUCH, I actually screamed (I had not done that in radiology before) he asks what is wrong, I reply, THAT HURT (thinking to myself, I like the other one better because he didn't have to ask stupid obvious questions, then pray for forgiveness and Thank God I didn't say it out loud, ask God to give me strength) Then More lidocaine (they put lidocaine in 6 times overall)
We have fluid! YAY! Almost over.
I listen as they read the manometer (pressure measuring device) Mixed emotions are running, the highest number is 58, the lowest is 28. Normal is under 25, preferable under 18, especially with the shunt. I ask the final pressure, 38cm. I feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, the pressure is up, which means something definitely is not right. It is not extremely high, but its high none the less, so I do not know what the next step is. On the other hand, I was right, I knew it was up...It felt really good to know that I am not crazy, it was nice to know that I do know my body.
Now, I am resting in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he is in control, and I am trying to hold onto the peace I had earlier (it is coming and going for some reason)
I have known all along that God is in control of this... Its amazing to see him work. He put me in excellent hands, gave me comfort when I needed it most and best of all, He gave me a day with my husband and daughter by my side all day long.
After several complications yesterday, today came, I had the spinal tap and I am feeling some sense of relief, sorta.
My mom was supposed to come watch Lauren while I had spent the morning in the hospital, but they got a snow storm of sorts up north where they live. I question just how bad it really was by talking to both of my parents and knowing what the weather is like here, a mere hour and a half away, but anyhow...she was unable to come down, so Chris took the day off to take me.
I love that man so much. He works hard to provide for our family and today he really stepped up to the plate to make sure I was well taken care of.
This morning was a whirlwind of getting ready to go...we slept in til a grand whole 5:40am, I put dinner in the crock pot, gathered Lauren's backpack (have to keep her occupied for 5 or more hours) and left at 6:40am
Got signed it at 7:21am and I was NOT on the hospitals short stay list, so they had to figure out what happened, got it all straight and I was headed down to x-ray by 8:20am
Spinal taps are a lot of fun when you get a great staff...ok, they are still painful, but I was really blessed beyond blessed this morning by the great doctor who did the tap, the doctor that got it to work right, and the radiology tech and her two trainees, not to mention the nurses and patient techs on the short stay unit.
The Hospital had been having trouble with one of their Fluoroscopy machines yesterday, they repaired it and asked if I minded being the guinea pig for them to see if it was REALLY working, no, I didn't mind, but I am glad that they checked first because it was NOT working properly, they could barely see the vertebrae let alone my shunt that they were supposed to avoid. Off to the other room, no big deal.
There was some confusion about what Dr. Pieper wanted, so the radiologist paged him, apparently this hospital has two Dr. Pieper's and when mine called back, they were confused and thought that they wanted the other one, I was talking to the radiologist when he called back and so they had to re-page him, it was actually pretty funny, you would think all the goof ups would have made me stressed, but actually they relieved a lot of the stress I had been feeling.
Before he did the tap the radiologist looked at my spine, showed me where he was going to put the needle, showed me where my shunt was, and the flow of tubing, that was really neat to see.
Then we started, Lots of Lidocaine 3 shots to be exact, they started with the spinal needle, not horrible, I was nice and numb. Uh oh, scarring in the way, have to move to a different spot, did not even feel him move until he got really deep, Uhm OUCH, More Lidocaine.
Hmm, I am not getting any csf at all (csf is Cerebral Spinal Fluid).
The radiologist sends one of the techs to get another radiologist, they move me just a little, OUCH, he adjusts the needle OUCH, I actually screamed (I had not done that in radiology before) he asks what is wrong, I reply, THAT HURT (thinking to myself, I like the other one better because he didn't have to ask stupid obvious questions, then pray for forgiveness and Thank God I didn't say it out loud, ask God to give me strength) Then More lidocaine (they put lidocaine in 6 times overall)
We have fluid! YAY! Almost over.
I listen as they read the manometer (pressure measuring device) Mixed emotions are running, the highest number is 58, the lowest is 28. Normal is under 25, preferable under 18, especially with the shunt. I ask the final pressure, 38cm. I feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, the pressure is up, which means something definitely is not right. It is not extremely high, but its high none the less, so I do not know what the next step is. On the other hand, I was right, I knew it was up...It felt really good to know that I am not crazy, it was nice to know that I do know my body.
Now, I am resting in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he is in control, and I am trying to hold onto the peace I had earlier (it is coming and going for some reason)
I have known all along that God is in control of this... Its amazing to see him work. He put me in excellent hands, gave me comfort when I needed it most and best of all, He gave me a day with my husband and daughter by my side all day long.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Making your Home a haven day 7
Today will be the last day until maybe Friday I will be able to do the challenge, its been fun, encouraging and I have seen a lot accomplished, while Everything on my to do lists have not been completed, I do not feel like a failure like I used to.
Today's challenge is simple, we are just clearing a small space or working on a procrastinated project.
I will be playing catch up. Yesterday I got about half of my list done. We spent a lot more time doing things than I had anticipated, but it is ok. If it does not get done there is always tomorrow, and if its not done then, its still ok, because my family actually comes before my work around the house. If they are happy, then I did a good job.
My Private time with God Was Philippians Chapter 4.
Today's To do list,
I am GOING to get the Rubber Maid Bins to the shed today, I filled a 3rd one to go out as well.
I am GOING to get the garbage cans ALL emptied and in the outdoor can.
These are the only two that HAVE to be done today since the garbage goes out tonight and I will not be able to stretch around the bins for the rest of the week.
Tonight we are having Cheese Ravioli and Meat sauce cooked in the crock pot. The sauce will go in about 11am and will be finished around 4pm or so, DH will be leaving at 5:30 for bowling, next week will be his last week, YAY, I am so proud that he has decided not to continue this very expensive Hobby, Trusting God on that one has been a challenge and a half.
Tomorrow morning, into the crock pot again for dinner. The leftover sauce will be the basis for a Taco Soup and hopefully I will feel well enough to get a loaf of bread started so that DH can just pull it out when he gets home. I have all the ingredients except the water, butter, and yeast pre-measured into quart size zip bags already, so it should not be a problem.
To See how others are Making Their Homes a Haven, visit Crystal at Biblical Womanhood.
Today's challenge is simple, we are just clearing a small space or working on a procrastinated project.
I will be playing catch up. Yesterday I got about half of my list done. We spent a lot more time doing things than I had anticipated, but it is ok. If it does not get done there is always tomorrow, and if its not done then, its still ok, because my family actually comes before my work around the house. If they are happy, then I did a good job.
My Private time with God Was Philippians Chapter 4.
Today's To do list,
I am GOING to get the Rubber Maid Bins to the shed today, I filled a 3rd one to go out as well.
I am GOING to get the garbage cans ALL emptied and in the outdoor can.
These are the only two that HAVE to be done today since the garbage goes out tonight and I will not be able to stretch around the bins for the rest of the week.
Tonight we are having Cheese Ravioli and Meat sauce cooked in the crock pot. The sauce will go in about 11am and will be finished around 4pm or so, DH will be leaving at 5:30 for bowling, next week will be his last week, YAY, I am so proud that he has decided not to continue this very expensive Hobby, Trusting God on that one has been a challenge and a half.
Tomorrow morning, into the crock pot again for dinner. The leftover sauce will be the basis for a Taco Soup and hopefully I will feel well enough to get a loaf of bread started so that DH can just pull it out when he gets home. I have all the ingredients except the water, butter, and yeast pre-measured into quart size zip bags already, so it should not be a problem.
To See how others are Making Their Homes a Haven, visit Crystal at Biblical Womanhood.
Philippians Chapter 4
This morning I read through Philippians Chapter 4, tomorrow is the big day and for some reason I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I know God is in control, I know that he will be there with me, and I know that everything will work out for his Glory. What I was struggling with though, is that, for some reason, I feel like this is not over. I feel like something will have to be missed for God to get the ultimate Glory out of this mess.
PTC or Migraines? Neither are fun, I have only had 5 really bad days in the last week and a half, less than I had had in the previous ONE week altogether. Tomorrow will be LP number 9 and I know lots of people have had more, but I have been really blessed (or spoiled) by being able to tolerate the pressures getting really really high before they make me sick...I am only doing this because I can no longer afford to get as sick as I did before I had Lauren to take care of.
Either way, The 4th chapter of Philippians really helped me know that God is not forgetting about me. I love that chapter, it has more of my favorite verses than any other area. Phil 4:6, Phil 4:8, and Phil 4:13 all in one short chapter. I have lots of favorite verses, but here they are all very close together and very uplifting especially when I needed it most.
PTC or Migraines? Neither are fun, I have only had 5 really bad days in the last week and a half, less than I had had in the previous ONE week altogether. Tomorrow will be LP number 9 and I know lots of people have had more, but I have been really blessed (or spoiled) by being able to tolerate the pressures getting really really high before they make me sick...I am only doing this because I can no longer afford to get as sick as I did before I had Lauren to take care of.
Either way, The 4th chapter of Philippians really helped me know that God is not forgetting about me. I love that chapter, it has more of my favorite verses than any other area. Phil 4:6, Phil 4:8, and Phil 4:13 all in one short chapter. I have lots of favorite verses, but here they are all very close together and very uplifting especially when I needed it most.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Challenge Day 6
We're Heading to the Kitchen!
But First, The Making your Home a Haven Challenge hosted by Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood has given us other steps.
1. Refresh your Spirit- This week God has really blessed me, Kinda gave me confirmation that he heard my prayers and from an unlikely source so I knew it was God and not me. I love when he does that. I was reading Ezekiel 20 and 21 about how God deals with disobedience. I do not know how I got there as it was a random open your Bible and read. Faith, Trust, and Obedience have been on my mind for quite some time. It is so hard to be Obedient when your Faith and trust in Him are being tested.
2. Morning Routine- My morning routine is to Get DH off to work and take my quiet time with God, Its the best time for it since I am already praying for DH. I Make his lunch, get his clothes together if I did not do it the night before and spend a few minutes with him before he leaves. 5:30 he walks out the door and I start by praying for him then spend Lauren and other things, Taking special care to remember to take time just to listen.
3. Plan- My to do list today is a bit different than normal. Today I have to finish my dining room, I am proud to report that my living room is still somewhat neat even after the weekend, it will only be a 5 minute clean up.
But First, The Making your Home a Haven Challenge hosted by Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood has given us other steps.
1. Refresh your Spirit- This week God has really blessed me, Kinda gave me confirmation that he heard my prayers and from an unlikely source so I knew it was God and not me. I love when he does that. I was reading Ezekiel 20 and 21 about how God deals with disobedience. I do not know how I got there as it was a random open your Bible and read. Faith, Trust, and Obedience have been on my mind for quite some time. It is so hard to be Obedient when your Faith and trust in Him are being tested.
2. Morning Routine- My morning routine is to Get DH off to work and take my quiet time with God, Its the best time for it since I am already praying for DH. I Make his lunch, get his clothes together if I did not do it the night before and spend a few minutes with him before he leaves. 5:30 he walks out the door and I start by praying for him then spend Lauren and other things, Taking special care to remember to take time just to listen.
3. Plan- My to do list today is a bit different than normal. Today I have to finish my dining room, I am proud to report that my living room is still somewhat neat even after the weekend, it will only be a 5 minute clean up.
- School with Lauren, she had last week off as she helped me get the living room in order, it was a big job.
- We are going to finish the dining area, To do this I need to put 3 Rubbermaid containers in the Shed and the two fans out there as well. Then I am going to sweep and Mom the entire floor. (our Living and dining rooms are technically one LONG room)
- Heading to the Kitchen, I am going to be doing the dishes and moving the Table to the dining area.
Dinner is Chicken Quesadillas and Rice with Black Beans.
4. Do something, Now that I have it all out, time to get to work. To see what others are doing and for more encouragement Head on over to Biblical Womanhood
Sunday, December 9, 2007
The Fire
How stubborn are we that we have to go through the fire over and over again?
How many times is God having to turn his back from our sin because we won't listen to his calling?
Yesterday I talked to a really special friend of mine for only the second time this year, we have parted and come together many times and I consider her one of my best friends in the world. We met in college in Tennessee 12 years ago now. I was the maid of honor in her wedding in 1997, she has been going through some very stressful struggles in her spiritual walk, in her family and in her marriage. She had to go through a very painful experience for God to get her attention.
Several years back, I went through a very similar experience, except it wasn't nearly as traumatic. I don't know why I didn't have to suffer like she did to hear God, but as I watch others around me it pains me when I look at the years I wasted while I was being stupid. I had told God that I would NOT go to Church again til he told me to. She did a similar thing. We and many others have wasted time, and now are looking back at those wasted years wondering just what we missed. God is constantly blessing us, but how many of those blessings did we miss due to our disobedience?
I pray daily for her marriage to be restored, she has the promise that God gave her that it will be, and her husband also feels the same way.
I use this lesson for my family daily. DD is only 5, but she knows that she must be obedient. I am able to show her how I have been disciplined, and I am able to discipline her to show her the same Love that God shows his children. DH, on the other hand, is still having trouble seeing it. He was not raised in a Christian home, so he has never seen the effects on anyone other than me. I am so thankful thought that God got a hold of me early in our marriage to rescue me from the temptation to walk again. While church isn't the most important part of the relationship with God, it is something I need, and I know my family needs it too. Now just to get more than DD to go with me, at least she enjoys church and gets ALL excited when its time to go.
How many times is God having to turn his back from our sin because we won't listen to his calling?
Yesterday I talked to a really special friend of mine for only the second time this year, we have parted and come together many times and I consider her one of my best friends in the world. We met in college in Tennessee 12 years ago now. I was the maid of honor in her wedding in 1997, she has been going through some very stressful struggles in her spiritual walk, in her family and in her marriage. She had to go through a very painful experience for God to get her attention.
Several years back, I went through a very similar experience, except it wasn't nearly as traumatic. I don't know why I didn't have to suffer like she did to hear God, but as I watch others around me it pains me when I look at the years I wasted while I was being stupid. I had told God that I would NOT go to Church again til he told me to. She did a similar thing. We and many others have wasted time, and now are looking back at those wasted years wondering just what we missed. God is constantly blessing us, but how many of those blessings did we miss due to our disobedience?
I pray daily for her marriage to be restored, she has the promise that God gave her that it will be, and her husband also feels the same way.
I use this lesson for my family daily. DD is only 5, but she knows that she must be obedient. I am able to show her how I have been disciplined, and I am able to discipline her to show her the same Love that God shows his children. DH, on the other hand, is still having trouble seeing it. He was not raised in a Christian home, so he has never seen the effects on anyone other than me. I am so thankful thought that God got a hold of me early in our marriage to rescue me from the temptation to walk again. While church isn't the most important part of the relationship with God, it is something I need, and I know my family needs it too. Now just to get more than DD to go with me, at least she enjoys church and gets ALL excited when its time to go.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Be Still
The beginning of this week got off to a bang with Crystal's Make your home a Haven challenge. I got so much accomplished Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday that on Thursday we decided to spend time together as a family and not worry about accomplishing anything. Ironically enough, I managed to complete her task for yesterday of the Bathroom at least effectively enough that DH noticed that it looked better (mainly because his work clothes went in to work with him so the mess that was left was gone.)
While I had planned on a slow day anyhow, I guess I needed it because I woke up with another of those headache days where you just don't have the strength to do anything. When I prayed, I heard ONE verse over and over again. Of course, I have always been really good at the verse part, but where its found is the problem I have. So glad that Lauren is learning how to memorise the location too. Anyhow, Today in my mailbox sat a catalog to my Favorite Christian bookstore all over this catalog today happens to be the verse God had been pressing on me, BE still and Know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a it was on Pillows, plates, plaques, you name it. I realize that I did too much, but I did not realize that God was still proud of me for accomplishing anything.
So often, when I am having a bad day, other things seem to make me feel like a failure that I don't get much done, I don't seem to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even a foot in front of me. It is great to know that God is watching over us when things are going right, and when they aren't going at all.
This week, I had been stressing over some papers that I was expecting in the mail before December 1st. They came today. I had been waiting to hear from Dr. Pieper's office to get the Blue Cross Authorization for my spinal tap next week, she called today, they don't require an authorization for this procedure. Our tax bill came for our winter property taxes. I had been stressed over how much that would be....are you ready? The winter bill is a grand total of $27, I can handle that, but more importantly, God told me to Be still and Know that he is God, He is in control No matter how many things in my life seem to be falling apart.
We tend to forget that God knew what was going to happen before we were even born. I know too, he knew this would stress me out, that's why he was able to provide peace in my home even though the stress was still there.
Last night, the most amazing thing happened in our home. Lauren, decided that she was going to use self control and not go crazy when daddy got upset. She didn't realize it was bed time, and was playing around, instead of getting upset at daddy for getting upset, she came to me and asked if she should apologize to daddy for upsetting him. Isn't that just a big thing for a 5 year old to do? My little girl just wanted to play with her daddy, she did not want him upset. Poor daddy didn't know how to respond, he did however do the right thing and everything was fixed and it was a good night.
Self control is the one thing we have been working on in our home for all of us. We all have tempers, but God wants us to use Self Control. He does not, nor will he ever, want us to fly off the handle when things don't go exactly as we think they should. It is so great that he helps us by giving us grace and mercy when we mess up. Lauren realized that when we do remain calm the outcome is much much easier to take. DH realized that when he listens, she does as well. And I learned, that God has been working in both of their lives, You can pray over your family, but God uses the trials of life to show he has been listening.
While I had planned on a slow day anyhow, I guess I needed it because I woke up with another of those headache days where you just don't have the strength to do anything. When I prayed, I heard ONE verse over and over again. Of course, I have always been really good at the verse part, but where its found is the problem I have. So glad that Lauren is learning how to memorise the location too. Anyhow, Today in my mailbox sat a catalog to my Favorite Christian bookstore all over this catalog today happens to be the verse God had been pressing on me, BE still and Know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a it was on Pillows, plates, plaques, you name it. I realize that I did too much, but I did not realize that God was still proud of me for accomplishing anything.
So often, when I am having a bad day, other things seem to make me feel like a failure that I don't get much done, I don't seem to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even a foot in front of me. It is great to know that God is watching over us when things are going right, and when they aren't going at all.
This week, I had been stressing over some papers that I was expecting in the mail before December 1st. They came today. I had been waiting to hear from Dr. Pieper's office to get the Blue Cross Authorization for my spinal tap next week, she called today, they don't require an authorization for this procedure. Our tax bill came for our winter property taxes. I had been stressed over how much that would be....are you ready? The winter bill is a grand total of $27, I can handle that, but more importantly, God told me to Be still and Know that he is God, He is in control No matter how many things in my life seem to be falling apart.
We tend to forget that God knew what was going to happen before we were even born. I know too, he knew this would stress me out, that's why he was able to provide peace in my home even though the stress was still there.
Last night, the most amazing thing happened in our home. Lauren, decided that she was going to use self control and not go crazy when daddy got upset. She didn't realize it was bed time, and was playing around, instead of getting upset at daddy for getting upset, she came to me and asked if she should apologize to daddy for upsetting him. Isn't that just a big thing for a 5 year old to do? My little girl just wanted to play with her daddy, she did not want him upset. Poor daddy didn't know how to respond, he did however do the right thing and everything was fixed and it was a good night.
Self control is the one thing we have been working on in our home for all of us. We all have tempers, but God wants us to use Self Control. He does not, nor will he ever, want us to fly off the handle when things don't go exactly as we think they should. It is so great that he helps us by giving us grace and mercy when we mess up. Lauren realized that when we do remain calm the outcome is much much easier to take. DH realized that when he listens, she does as well. And I learned, that God has been working in both of their lives, You can pray over your family, but God uses the trials of life to show he has been listening.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Day 3 Making your Home a Haven
Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood has been helping us along with this challenge. The encouragement of knowing I am not alone is just amazing.
First up. Refresh your spirit, after my prayer time she asked us to list 3 things to be thankful for, its hard to stick with just 3 as God has been so amazing lately.
I think the first thing I am truly thankful for is that God is Provident. There have been so many times recently where I had no idea how we were going to make it through a situation, but GOD is amazing and just made things work the way they needed to and everything fell into place.
The second thing that I am most thankful for is my family. I have had so many ups and downs its nice to have family support. So many people do not have the help they need when they go through trials its such a blessing to not go through alone.
The third thing I am going to share about being thankful for isn't even mine, but I am extremely grateful that the insurance company decided to pay to fix my sisters car instead of totalling it out. This has been a prayer of mine since last week as it would be very hard on her to have to replace her car right before Christmas to come back to Michigan for the semester break.
The second part of the Making Your Home a Haven is our morning routine. For me that is done at 5am, I will be adding to that though starting or finishing a load of Laundry.
On my to do list, Today I will be completing the living room, Yesterday I got it picked up, got all the toys clutter and almost all of the things that do not belong out.
I will be moving the furniture around to separate the living and dining rooms Because later this week I am planning on moving the table back into the dining room area.
This will take up a good portion of the day since I have to move fairly slowly and have to take school breaks for the Bug today. She had a day off yesterday.
I will also be putting lots of Laundry away, I dint seem to have too much of a problem with the washing, drying, or folding clothes, BUT, I do have a problem getting it put away, so that's a goal, I have 3 baskets that are ready to be put away but haven't been yet.
This afternoon about 3pm or so, Bug and I will be heading to the Library, we have lots of books on hold and its the perfect time to go get them. We will be reading through some Little House books as well as some others I want to try.
For dinner, today, I think I am going to cheat, we have a package of Salisbury steak in the freezer so I think we will have that, Baked Potatoes, and Garlic Green Beans. Poor DH is getting tired of Chicken and ground beef, it looks like its time to make a trip to the grocery store again and work on menu planning week by week.
For the Third Part, the DO Something part, I am going to keep working on my living room. I am glad I am pretty caught up on the laundry (and DH's work clothes go in with him on Thursdays) so I have the time to continue tackling the Living room.
First up. Refresh your spirit, after my prayer time she asked us to list 3 things to be thankful for, its hard to stick with just 3 as God has been so amazing lately.
I think the first thing I am truly thankful for is that God is Provident. There have been so many times recently where I had no idea how we were going to make it through a situation, but GOD is amazing and just made things work the way they needed to and everything fell into place.
The second thing that I am most thankful for is my family. I have had so many ups and downs its nice to have family support. So many people do not have the help they need when they go through trials its such a blessing to not go through alone.
The third thing I am going to share about being thankful for isn't even mine, but I am extremely grateful that the insurance company decided to pay to fix my sisters car instead of totalling it out. This has been a prayer of mine since last week as it would be very hard on her to have to replace her car right before Christmas to come back to Michigan for the semester break.
The second part of the Making Your Home a Haven is our morning routine. For me that is done at 5am, I will be adding to that though starting or finishing a load of Laundry.
On my to do list, Today I will be completing the living room, Yesterday I got it picked up, got all the toys clutter and almost all of the things that do not belong out.
I will be moving the furniture around to separate the living and dining rooms Because later this week I am planning on moving the table back into the dining room area.
This will take up a good portion of the day since I have to move fairly slowly and have to take school breaks for the Bug today. She had a day off yesterday.
I will also be putting lots of Laundry away, I dint seem to have too much of a problem with the washing, drying, or folding clothes, BUT, I do have a problem getting it put away, so that's a goal, I have 3 baskets that are ready to be put away but haven't been yet.
This afternoon about 3pm or so, Bug and I will be heading to the Library, we have lots of books on hold and its the perfect time to go get them. We will be reading through some Little House books as well as some others I want to try.
For dinner, today, I think I am going to cheat, we have a package of Salisbury steak in the freezer so I think we will have that, Baked Potatoes, and Garlic Green Beans. Poor DH is getting tired of Chicken and ground beef, it looks like its time to make a trip to the grocery store again and work on menu planning week by week.
For the Third Part, the DO Something part, I am going to keep working on my living room. I am glad I am pretty caught up on the laundry (and DH's work clothes go in with him on Thursdays) so I have the time to continue tackling the Living room.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Routines and Making your Home a Haven
Yesterday Crystal challenged us to get a morning routine in place. This was very difficult for me til I realized that almost every morning I do the exact same things.
DH gets up for work at 5am, he leaves by 5:30am
While he is getting ready for work, I do the following.
I get up and dressed
I go into the kitchen, get our DH's breakfast bowl and spoon (most days he has cereal because of time constraints)
After his breakfast is all set up, I then make his lunch and prepare his water bottles.
At that point we do our goodbyes and I come back to our room that is generally my prayer time to get ready for the day.
She also had us attack our Entryway, well, we technically don't have an entryway, you walk in the front door and straight into our living room. When I started there, I realized that my lovely little Bug had completely taken over our entire downstairs. This tackle will take me quite a while to work through, so I was thrilled when Crystal had moved into the living room today. We are taking a day of very little school and going to finish cleaning the living room, I will post a picture when its all done.
So far, We got all laundry and all toys out of the living room. Today we will finish picking up the papers and garbage that never seems to make it into the can. Then I will sort the school stuff and rearrange the furniture.
To see how others are Making their Home a Haven Head on Over to Biblical Womanhood
DH gets up for work at 5am, he leaves by 5:30am
While he is getting ready for work, I do the following.
I get up and dressed
I go into the kitchen, get our DH's breakfast bowl and spoon (most days he has cereal because of time constraints)
After his breakfast is all set up, I then make his lunch and prepare his water bottles.
At that point we do our goodbyes and I come back to our room that is generally my prayer time to get ready for the day.
She also had us attack our Entryway, well, we technically don't have an entryway, you walk in the front door and straight into our living room. When I started there, I realized that my lovely little Bug had completely taken over our entire downstairs. This tackle will take me quite a while to work through, so I was thrilled when Crystal had moved into the living room today. We are taking a day of very little school and going to finish cleaning the living room, I will post a picture when its all done.
So far, We got all laundry and all toys out of the living room. Today we will finish picking up the papers and garbage that never seems to make it into the can. Then I will sort the school stuff and rearrange the furniture.
To see how others are Making their Home a Haven Head on Over to Biblical Womanhood
Monday, December 3, 2007
Oh How I need this
Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood is hosting a challenge, Making Your Home a Haven and Oh do I need this.
With all the chaos of this past few months and the more to come I need my home to be as peaceful as possible.
Her Challenges for Today are
1. Refresh your Spirit, I actually have been meditating on a different area of scripture, but it helps my situation so much more right now. I have been focusing on James 1:2-6 and actually trying to make a point to find the Joy when its not easily seen.
2. Take Time to Plan, Ok, I need to work on this one, I will update when I come up get it.
3. Do something. Crystal instructs us to go to our front door and pretend you are a first time visitor. My first reaction would be to run away, lol. I do not have company because I struggle to keep the home clean. I would never post a before picture as its just scary. This is actually encouraging though is I can use this time to get it in order before all of my tests when I have to count on others for help.
I am actually going to tackle the NOT ME 5 from Cindy's Porch to attack my living room. The new door that is needed will have to wait a bit longer, but it will come too.
With all the chaos of this past few months and the more to come I need my home to be as peaceful as possible.
Her Challenges for Today are
1. Refresh your Spirit, I actually have been meditating on a different area of scripture, but it helps my situation so much more right now. I have been focusing on James 1:2-6 and actually trying to make a point to find the Joy when its not easily seen.
2. Take Time to Plan, Ok, I need to work on this one, I will update when I come up get it.
3. Do something. Crystal instructs us to go to our front door and pretend you are a first time visitor. My first reaction would be to run away, lol. I do not have company because I struggle to keep the home clean. I would never post a before picture as its just scary. This is actually encouraging though is I can use this time to get it in order before all of my tests when I have to count on others for help.
I am actually going to tackle the NOT ME 5 from Cindy's Porch to attack my living room. The new door that is needed will have to wait a bit longer, but it will come too.
Finding Joy in the small stuff
Like a whole week without having any medical appointments.
Seriously though, its always so easy to find things to be happy about when everything is going good, when God gives us an answer we really want, or when we have a really big praise with whats going on in our lives; but how often do we remember to be happy when small things go right?
Since November 12th, 21 days ago, I have had 5 different appointments either seeing the doctors (3 different ones) or having tests done. While we are not done and I still have to call the Neurologist and Neurosurgeons office this morning, I am taking extreme joy in the fact that the only real place I have to go this week is the Library. I don't even think the grocery store will see me this week unless they have some really amazing sales going on.
Remember to not only be Thankful for the big things, but the little things and the Not so happy things too because God is working through those as well.
Seriously though, its always so easy to find things to be happy about when everything is going good, when God gives us an answer we really want, or when we have a really big praise with whats going on in our lives; but how often do we remember to be happy when small things go right?
Since November 12th, 21 days ago, I have had 5 different appointments either seeing the doctors (3 different ones) or having tests done. While we are not done and I still have to call the Neurologist and Neurosurgeons office this morning, I am taking extreme joy in the fact that the only real place I have to go this week is the Library. I don't even think the grocery store will see me this week unless they have some really amazing sales going on.
Remember to not only be Thankful for the big things, but the little things and the Not so happy things too because God is working through those as well.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Possitive Note
It seems lately all I have had to say is whats going on with my health. Now I know that's because not much has actually been done beyond that, its been keeping me VERY busy, but last week I had ordered a new curriculum to review. I found it brand new for $130, but decided that was too high, so I found it used for about a quarter of that. I am so excited. I have never seen so much useful information.
Today I read through the curriculum that arrived this morning, it looks so interesting and covers quite a variety of topics. Math and Phonics will still be Horizons and the rest will be Weaver.
We are excited and will be starting in January with the K-1 info.
Today I read through the curriculum that arrived this morning, it looks so interesting and covers quite a variety of topics. Math and Phonics will still be Horizons and the rest will be Weaver.
We are excited and will be starting in January with the K-1 info.
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