Monday, September 29, 2008

So much on my mind

Today has been a whirlwind day, I called and made it official to drop out of school, I called and dealt with our mortgage issues, I dealt with other issues...still not feeling quite up to par, but much better thanks to a good nights sleep and a LOT of sweating, lol.

I feel SO undecided about what to do...on one hand I would LOVE to enroll in the local community college, and will likely call to see about doing that tomorrow, or at the very least schedule a time to meet and talk with someone about going in the winter term.

The reason I am so torn is because I really do not want to JUST be a Medical Assistant, many years ago I was heading into nursing, as a matter of fact up until February that was the direction I was heading, and I was all set to go enroll when I came out of surgery literally crippled.

I was devastated thinking God had abandoned me and was MAKING me do something that was basically a second choice...That frustrated me to no end...but I moved on, accepting that I could not do what I, I am improving ever so slowly but improving nonetheless....
I have a rehab appointment next Tuesday and I think I am going to ask my doctor if it is feasible for me to continue to try to pursue my dream, or if I should accept that as an impossibility.

If you remember, he is obviously a Christian man based off of his secretive witnessing at my last appointment, so I know I can trust an answer I will get....barring his shadow being there....because they always distract me.

If I don't ask him...I will still talk to the admissions director of the nursing program at MCC....It may take me a LONG time to fulfill my dream, but I do not think it is out of reach or impossible in the least.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Everything Happens for a Reason

I have a cold, I think...
I woke up, its 1am, my throat hurts, my head hurts (different from normal, lol) my whole body just aches...

I do not get colds often, but when I do I stay sick if I don't baby myself.

We finally decided that we are just going to drop school and figure out something else for right now.
Financially we can't afford to take the risk of waiting it out and we really couldn't afford the drive in that far at this point either.

God will provide what we need and when, but with me feeling crappy with a cold, I need rest and the last thing I was getting while in there was rest, my body is killing itself slowly since I have such awful times sleeping....I need to be going to bed earlier more often and consistently.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Today has been a BUSY day

I am still tired, its 4:30 in the afternoon.

Yesterday I had my interview, it went well, but I wont know anything for two whole WEEKS, ugh, I hate waiting. Its temporary and will last about a year at 40 hours per week.
They have you take two tests to make sure you are capable of being able to do the job, a matching test and a filing test, after spending 7 years working in libraries, I think I can file pretty darn good, they were impressed as I got 100% on both and they were timed--I sat bored while I waited for the time to run out.

After my interview, I got to visit with my nephew as Grandpa and Grandma were babysitting BOTH grandchildren yesterday.
He is absolutely adorable, he is 5 months old now and as big as Lauren was at a year.

Then Lauren got to play with her cousin Morgan, last time I saw her mom she was pregnant with her, she is 5 now and they live really close, we just always seem to miss them when we visit.

When we got home, I made dinner, setting off the smoke detectors (wouldn't be so funny if I had ACTUALLY burned something)

Then I had my sleep study, that was a fiasco and a half....first the road I took to get there was closed and it took FOREVER to get through that construction, then after I got all wired up, the CPAP machine in my room didn't work, so I got moved.
Then my breathing belt didn't work, so they had to replace that....and then my mask was leaking too much so they came and changed that out too....what a night.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Topsy Turvy Day

This morning I had my appointment with Financial Aid, I knew KNEW it couldn't be good, if it was good, she would have told me over the phone rather than have me drive 45 minutes to get there, grumble.

I know there has to be something positive in this, the government, US Department of Education decided that our special circumstances that granted me my Pell Grant in the first place, weren't acceptable....they accepted them originally, the school accepted them, then they changed their unless a divine miracle takes place in the next 24 hours, I will not be in school starting on Monday.

I originally felt this was pretty darn crappy news, til I realized I have a job interview in the morning....with a company....that PAYS tuition costs if you are going into a field for a job FOR them....they pay for it.
I have an excellent shot at this job...they have already seen my resume, I applied online....I go in at 9:30am and am just thrilled since I am meeting with both the lady who called and her boss, plus a pre-employment test.

Then I get home, check my voicemail, I had called the neurosurgeons office per his request on Monday to let him know how the Naprosyn was doing...its not working at all, but that doesn't surprise me in the least, anyhow, there was a message from his nurse, basically telling me what I had already planned to do almost.
Wait it out as long as I can, if it gets worse call (why?) but now he wants to see me in THREE months, I have an appointment already scheduled for February, which is 6 months from the last one, so I have to call on Monday and ask if I need to change it or what I need to do...I don't see much purpose to changing it to three months if its not truly necessary...and I can live with the pain I am dealing with now, I have on and off for almost 20 years...I should be able to handle an extra month. Actually, looking at it on the calendar, it makes no sense to reschedule it, its only 4 weeks, scheduling an appointment 3 months from now would give me an appointment first week of January, I have one February unless it gets worse (and even if it does, I might just request my neurologist do a spinal tap, that would be the next step anyhow.)

I haven't heard from the family practice place yet, that makes me happy, the ball is in their court now and I did my part. No feeling guilty because I haven't made an effort.

This week I have had some weird symptoms, very personal type, but please pray, that if they have meaning, that they are related to a problem I already have and not something new....I have a gut feeling they are either related to the nerve damage or the Chiari though.

Also, a Praise, I have been roaming the house and most buildings with my cane in my HAND, not on the ground....I only seem to need it getting in and out of the car and in and out of buildings, the uneven ground still gets the better of me, but other than that, its parked.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Another Interview

Yup, I have another one on Friday morning, I am SO excited, its for a different company, entry level, but my foot in the door, and that's what I care about, YAY ME.

I am Broken

I have been fighting finding a family doctor since February...

I have made every excuse known to man, and yes, they are all GOOD excuses, but excuses nonetheless.

We have a medical center literally right down the street, they do a sliding scale, and I have heard that the doctors are good there as well, but that did not make me want to schedule the appointment...after all, why would I want YET another doctor to have to report to?

Well, I have a neurologist, pulmonologist, neurosurgeon, orthopedist, neuro-opthamologist, and physiatrist, and no one made a really huge fuss over me not having a family doctor, all said I SHOULD have one, but no one pushed for it...til Friday.

When I saw Dr. Shanidze I was totally dumbfounded by her persistence, her concern was there too, but she was very unhappy that I see only specialists she wants me to have someone to supervise ALL of my medical care.


I called today to check on the sliding scale to see if we can afford it.
Now we wait.

It went Good, Now the wait

My interview went really well yesterday, now I wait to hear, he was overwhelmed with applications.
His receptionist now said he was expecting maybe 10 people since the job is only 12 hours a week, but he got over 300 calls.

Its really hard fighting for one position with nearly 100 other people (after the first hundred calls they stopped scheduling interviews)

Monday, September 22, 2008


I have an interview
I have an interview

ok, its only a part time position, 12 hours or so a week.
I am SO excited
Its for a podiatrist office, they are willing to train and its for billing and receptionist work....stuff I am going to school for....Oh I am so excited.

I am so excited, God I hope this is it, I need a job so badly.

Pain Pain Go Away

This week is a week off of school, and since I feel the way I am feeling right now, I am thrilled. My head is KILLING me, my foot is driving me insane. I do not like feeling rotten, its not, nor should it be considered normal to feel like crud.

Tomorrow morning I am calling the neurosurgeon, family practice, and possibly my neurologist, fortunately the appointment for the sleep study is already scheduled or I would have to call on that too.

I also need to call about yet another job, and I need to call the bank and energy company, grr, too much to do.

Good night, hopefully I will actually get some sleep.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I am tired

...and because I am always tired, I get to go in for yet another sleep Friday night, yawn, she is writing for a stronger sleep medicine so they can get a thorough reading.

She also wants me to find a family doctor, how unappealing. I will check with the clinic at the corner they do a sliding scale, I will have to see if that includes having insurance.

Other than that, she wants me to lose weight, but nothing I do seems to help that. I am hoping one of my blood tests reveals a why there. A girl can dream right?

Not much else new going on here, Chris got the washer working, it felt SO nice to do laundry at home today.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Another Busy day

Tomorrow morning we start yet another busy day...hopefully it will be busy in a good way and I wont have to repeat my sleep study (not counting on that very positively, as she wanted to repeat it last time but because of insurance we decided to wait three months...those three turned into FIVE, I am so ashamed of myself)

I get to go put in an application for a Chiropractic assistant at 7:30AM, I am hoping being there that early I can find out a bit more of what they want before I apply.
Then I get the luxury of going to my Pulmonologist appointment at 9:40am, hopefully since I will be ridiculously early, she will be early too...Hoping?

Tonight I put in two applications for a Nursing home, watch, that's the job I will get, I was very hesitant to put them in as I have never really worked with old people outside of my friends parents, and they aren't really what I would call old.

Today's pain level has been very stable, not too much, but enough to remind me that it hasn't gone away. Its rather annoying, but I am ok with it since I know it could be much worse like it was a few days ago....this is an improvement.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I did it!!!

I ended the first module with 100% in Medical Terminology, ZERO mistakes on my grade
I ended with 158% in Medical Office Administration, Hoooray, unfortunately that extra 50% isn't worth anything.

Another Job Application

I am almost giddy.
Friday morning, I am going to apply for yet another job.
A Chiropractic Assistant.
A job I can DO without my cane (I just need that to get in the building for the most part)
A job I understand, I have seen Chiropractors most of my life, if you go back in my blog, you can see that I actually attest that a wonderful Chiropractor (not the one I am applying with though) is who helped get me off of my walker....I know it works.

If I am going to work for a doctors office, I would much rather work with a specialty that I have used before...that gives me.....drum roll please
Neurological Surgery
Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation
Neuro Opthalmology
add to that Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Polysomnography, Respiratory Therapy, and Laboratory and I am sure I missed something in there.

I have seen dentists and pediatricians as well as primary care, but I could NEVER work at a dentist office, and am not thrilled with the others.

I have already applied at a Neurosurgeons office, no response, a Podiatrists office, waiting-they are just going over the apps today and Friday is a Chiropractors office.
I will also talk to my Pulmonologist, and send a letter to MY neurologists office as I really like him, and maybe my PMR since my first appointment they were short staffed.

I have faith that God will provide JUST the job for me. I just can't quit applying til I have it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Today was a Great Day

and frankly, I am surprised.

It was not a pain free day, but I feel very accomplished, I got blood work done this morning, all 25 tests that were ordered, and only 5 pokes worth.

Lauren was Extremely well behaved at our day in the lab. Maybe that had something to do with the hundred plus gallon freshwater fish tank in the middle of the waiting room? I don't know but it was a good day for it.

We got the car cleaned out, all of it...I like seeing floor again.

When I got home, I learned I am a finalist for two jobs I applied for, I see God moving, I so desperately want to go back to work right now.

Yesterday I found out I get a Gold certificate in Medical Terminology, I got 100% throughout the entire class. I only made two mistakes in class neither of them counted towards a grade though. I missed the word Fascia in a jeopardy style game (it was misspelled, so I was confused) and in the pretest we took I missed Dacry which is tear I put Finger, Toe, which is Dactyl. Close but wrong.
On the actual test though, No mistakes, YAY.

Tomorrow is my last day in Medical Office Administration Part 1, Thursday is the last day of Medical Terminology. Then we are all done with Mod 1, Mod 2 starts Sept 29.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Rain, Rain, Go AWAY

While we NEED rain, my body can not handle it. My head has been throbbing uncontrollably all day, my leg has given out many times and my knees are killing me.

I need a vacation from all this pain.
Hopefully we will learn more after Tuesday and be able to get some relief meds

Today I visited

A new church, I don't know how I feel. It is closer to home, MUCH closer, but very small.
It was a good service, I will give it a second chance, and probably more than that, but I am truly hoping to get a job where I Can afford to drive to MY church again.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

A new Day

I feel a wee bit better today.
I am not as upset, I got some sleep, took some meds and did some homework.

Tuesday I have an appointment to have my blood work done, There are 25 different blood tests that Dr. Seidel has ordered, basically to rule out Peripheral Neuropathy. In a way I hope one or more of them comes out abnormal, because those may explain why it has taken so long for the nerves to grow back, and since most of them are testing for deficiencies, they are treatable and we can invariably correct it and perhaps it will up my chances for a full recovery sooner.

Several of these blood tests I have never had before, for example, he ordered a T4, its a Thyroid test, more complete than the typical TSH I have had drawn a gazillion times. There is also an A1C which is a 3 month sugar reading, I have had many glucose tolerance tests, but that does not help if I am extra careful before them (which as we know, ALL people make better decisions when the know that have to have a GTT done, lol)
So we may even get answers to problems that we have suspected but the generic versions said were within normal range. And this time, I shouldn't be anemic for the tests since I am having semi normal periods now since I went on the birth control to regulate them.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Well, Its official

This morning I had the NCV and EMG tests that confirm the nerve damage.

There are no nerve signals getting past my knee at all, they stop about 2 inches above the knee.
The calf muscles and one muscle in the thigh are also completely atrophied.
There is some amount of nerve damage on the right side, but not nearly as much as the left.

I was enlightened today, I nearly cried a few times and actually did once. Its not fun to hear at 32 that you may NEVER be able to walk normal again. There is no medicine to help the nerves grow back faster, there is no surgery they can do to make this better, physical therapy is a complete waste of time (unless we start getting nerves below the knee)
They can treat the pain, and hopefully with time, we will have some of those nerves back.

The current prognosis, 50% chance of nerve regrowth, will recheck in 6 months to see if we have any progress towards that, it could take 12 months to get nerves into my feet again, but even if they do grow back, there is no guarantee that they will ever function at full capacity again.

The likely hood of always having the numbness and tingling as well as some degree of Nerve pain, about 90%....I with those numbers were backwards. I am 32, I do not want to use a cane the rest of my life, but I was told even if I do start to get better, it will probably still be a necessary part of who I am.

If we have regrowth of the nerves, we will go through physical therapy. We will have to retrain them how to work.

I am to the point where I can not handle any more stress, my head is killing me on a daily basis, the pain in my nerves is unreal, and I am just so tired of all of this mess. At this point, I don't know which end is up anymore....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Ok, I have questions for Friday. I am losing my marbles.

Friday I go in for my EMG and NCV tests, if I heard correctly Dr. Seidel will actually be performing them himself so we will have answers right away.

Now the questions I have to remember to ask him is why I can only sit about 5 minutes before my foot falls asleep.
When normal peoples feet, hands, legs, whatever fall asleep, they wake up with movement....not mine, the other night, I walked the entire 60 feet of our home from one end to the other holding on to the walls just to go to bed because my foot fell asleep while I was checking my email.

Usually it takes being in one position much longer to fall asleep, and it only takes a moment to wake back up....I know because before February I never had these its every time I sit down. Its driving me crazy, and its not like its just my foot, it goes all the way up past my knee. My balance is bad enough without a sleepy leg.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Naprosyn Doesn't help my Head

Well, after a week or so on the naprosyn, I have come to the conclusion that it does NOT help the headaches.
I am thinking that the inderal probably didn't help them either. They seem very governed by uncontrollable circumstances. When our humidity is up, so are the headaches. Before it rains or whenever the weather is extreme, my headaches are extreme as well.

The naprosyn however, seems to be helping my knee, the PMR doc said it probably would, I was amazed that it had any affect at all.

My legs still hurt a lot, but the pain is more intermittent and usually only after extended sitting or standing. Its also more localized. I am a bit anxious for Friday when I find out if we can pinpoint the bad nerves and muscles so that we can start to work it out so they aren't killing me anymore.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sheer Exhaustion

Today I went pretty much nonstop from 5am til now, its 11:30pm and I JUST got home from school.
I am so tired. Still praying pretty hard that I get a job, actually praying VERY hard that I get a job. We need the income.

Right now I am at the very top of both of my classes. 100% average in both, very exciting. So now I NEED this to pay off for me.

My pain level has been pretty bad today, but I am a bit nervous about next Friday, thats when I have the EMG and NCV done.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

What a day

Well, This morning I met with the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doctor for the first time. It was a very interesting appointment, very interactive.

I learned that I have no reflexes in my left leg, the arthritis I have is actually a secondary problem to the nerve problems and I go back next Friday for a Lower EMG and NCV study.

I also learned that the Naprosyn that I have started taking for the headaches (which isn't helping those) will likely be of benefit to the arthritis in my knees and ankle.

Overall, it was a good appointment...I feel like we just may start to make some headway.