Thursday, May 29, 2008

A New Doctor, a New home

After waking up a couple weeks ago unable to turn my head and in so much pain that I just wanted to crawl under a rock; I got to thinking, I missed seeing a Chiropractor, while they could never get the headaches under control, I at least go some semblance of relief of the rest of the symptoms for a while.

The problem with seeing a chiropractor though, is that it has to be someone you trust, I will not EVER see a chiro without a personal referral....on Mother's day, my sister in law was talking about the way they planned on raising my nephew, in that conversation, she got to talking about taking him to the chiropractor at 5 days old. I asked more, since I didn't realize she was into natural parenting (BIL's ex, I certainly doubt would have been)
On Wednesday I ended up going to the office that she had been going to since she was little. Its a Father and Son practice, she saw the dad while a child, and thats who I saw, now she sees his son.

It was much different than what I remember a chiropractor appointment being. They talked to me, alot. Did Nerve and Muscle scans and x-rays.
I have nerve damage in both my neck and back and curves in places I shouldn't, but where I should, that part is straight...lots of misallignments. I will see him twice this week, three times next, and hopefully that will get be alligned enough to go weekly then twice a month. Thank God for Blue Cross, I get 24 visits a year, so I have 8 visits that I can spend in a shorter amount of time.

Hopefully he will be able to help more over the next few weeks as we get this taken care of, I am looking forward to maintainence, but I am more looking forward to this helping my leg heal somewhat faster than its doing.

As for Physical therapy, today was rough, my ankle decided today that it wasn't going to cooperate with motion and has been kinda painful ALL day...we worked on lots there too.

We also got our park approval today. We are MOVING. I am so excited, I think we will aim to close in about 2-3 weeks. That will give me a good amount of time to get some packing done. I am so thrilled. It was a good day all the way around.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Attitude is Everything

Today I realized how much negativity affects us.

As Christians, we have to stand on the scriptures, God tells us lots of things in his word, things about faith, trust, hope, fear, contentment, you name it our answer is going to be found in the Bible.

2 Timothy 1:7
God has not given us the spirit of fear, but he has given unto us a spirit of love and of a sound mind.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

These are two of my favorite verses when I am struggling to keep my attitude right.
Everything I have been through is because God Chose for me to go throug it. I have no right to fear what he is carrying me through. My faith is based on the unseen, God has shown me some pretty neat things by letting him exersise that faith some. Now, I see his work almost daily in my life. I look at life differently, God could have taken it away...but he chose not to. Some people get harder trials because they are strong enough to withstand them. Others get smaller trials or taken home because thats what they need.

Remember God is a supplier of your needs too. When you call on his name, he WILL take care of you. He didn't abandon me through my trials, and he has actually strengthened my family through them as well.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Happy Memorial Day

Yesterday at church was a complete dedication to our vetrans, it was an awesome service.

Those men and women served because they believed in Freedom.
Today most people are complaining about our freedoms being taken from us, but we are still much more free than most nations and the biggset problem I see with that....we are so ungrateful.

One of our vets mentioned that he wasn't even able to talk about his experiences for more than 30 years because of the movements here on American soil. They spit on him when he got off the plane to come home.

While I do not like the concept of war, I do accept that it is part of life too. As my pastor put it, I will not fight you just because, but you attack my family, and I am going to defend it.
While we are not always happy with the choice to be in a war, we do need to appreciate the people who are overseas fighting for our freedom. Remember these wars going on across the world could be being fought on our soil, affecting OUR innocent, our families. Instead rather, we have people who are willing to stand up and leave their families to fight for us to have our freedoms.

Remember to show how much you appreciate what they do. And if you don't appreciate it, maybe you should be the one fighting instead since you don't deserve that freedom.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Seven Years Ago

Wow, where has the time gone? My sweetie and I got married a full 7 years ago.

Today we are going out to our usual fancy dinner on our anniversary, Lauren thinks its her special day too.

I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful and supportive man.
We have been through a lot over the past 7 years.

We have Lost a child.
We have had a child.
We have lived in 4 different places, all local.
We have been through 3 job changes and countless medical situations.
We have struggled with infertility.

Now that is just a very tiny summary of some of the last 7 years.
Our marriage has been strengthened with each trial. We love each other much more than we did back then, we are a lot closer than we were back then as well.

Although some days, we drive each other nuts. I would have to venture a guess, but this has been the BEST 7 years of our lives.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A Busy Week

Ok, that sounds so funny as I haven't had ANY doctors appointments this week.
On Tuesday I broke my glasses, I lost a screw, have to pick one up on the way home from Physical therapy today, God Please Please don't let it rain til I get that screw.

On Monday we got a counter offer on the mobile home, we accepted since it was what we were planning on offering anyhow. We were approved for the in house financing, now we just have to come up with $1600 for the rest of the down payment. God will provide, even if it takes 2 months.
We go out next Wednesday to apply to the park for approval. I will take Chris to work then, and I have a Chiropractor appointment with my sister in laws Chiropractor at 9am. It will be my first visit with him and the first overall in more than 15 years.
With how I am feeling though, I hope it helps, and I am pretty sure it wont hurt.

Tuesday I had Physical Therapy, much better than Thursday was. I asked about getting off the walker, I wasn't pleased with her answer, I love my therapist but I was so bummed. She said I could get a cane when I trusted my leg, uhm, I will trust my leg when it stops locking and buckling.

Yesterday we got our house insurance payed for a few months (til we get moved) and basically we have just been busy doing things we were too tired to do while I had a gazillion doctors appointments going on.

Monday, May 19, 2008

We got a LOT accomplished this weekend

Normally we have very slow weekends around here.
Chris has had 3 weeks of very little work on Fridays, I hated that, it was so stressful not knowing when he was going back on 40 hours.
This past week though, he worked 40, and we had a very busy weekend as well.

Saturday we made an offer on a mobile home about 20 miles north of here, its a bit smaller than our house and MUCH MUCH less expensive.
We are waiting to hear what happened with it though. She said we should hear something today.

Then on Sunday we did some errands because I wasn't feeling up to going to church, I can only sit or stand for about 5 minutes without needing to move around. Its definitely not fun being in a lot of pain, but it did help us get the errands done since I couldn't do them alone.

We went to Sam's and got Peanut Butter and Jelly, Strawberries (that are the size of small apples), bananas, Sausages for Chris's breakfast and granola bars. I then hit our local store and saved a lot of money with their 47 cent sale, stocked up on canned goods since I do not want to go shopping again for a week or more.

I feel we did quite a bit and am glad that we got everything done effeciently.

Friday, May 16, 2008

I have a WHOLE month off

Ok, maybe not a whole month, I have to find out if the insurance will cover the B-12, if it does, I will have to go into an office for that I am sure. But other than that, I have NO doctors appointments scheduled for June at all, am done for the rest of May, and the next one is Middle of July.
I am SO excited.
This will be the longest stretch of no doctors appointments since I went into the hospital on February 1, 2008. I think previously my record was two weeks.

My house though is extremely quiet, Lauren went home with Grandpa after my appointment this morning, he dropped me off about 9:30 and I have been alone ever since. Its actually the first time outside of Physical Therapy I have been alone since January though, totally alone. Honestly, I can't even say I like it either. I miss her noise. We will go out and get her tomorrow, but I miss her something terrible now. Its weird to not get interrupted to be asked if she can play on the computer, I got lots of research done and it took me about a third of the time.

Right now though, I am enjoying the fact that my next doctors appointment isnt scheduled until JULY 14th. Granted, I then have one July 30, August 4 and August 18th, but still. We have a plan in place, I finally feel confident that things will start working out or at the very least, we are taking steps to get there.

My research was on the Low Carb High protien diet Dr. Guthikonda wants me on, that is going to take a LOT of work for me...with gas prices encroaching on the $4gallon mark I am going to have to really learn how to keep the produce fresh so I am not having to make repeated trips often or dealing with waste.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


I had a physical therapy session today that rivaled late March, for only the second time in 3 1/2 months I cried going through therapy...I was able to do about half as much work as usual and that caused immense pain.

When Cathy saw my frustration (Tuesday I did 1000 steps in 12 minutes on level 3, today I didn't do 500 steps before I had to stop at 10 minutes on level 2) she said it was likely due to the overdose on stress I have had this week, The headaches have been killing me more than usual for 10 days now. They have been almost twice normal which is already more than most people can handle.

I think, honestly, if they were to send me to the shrink this week, he would definitely say I was depressed, and unlike the first time I saw him, this time I would tend to agree.
When I saw him the first time, I had no use of my legs, had not had the heart attack yet, the Sleep apnea was not confirmed and I thought honestly that I was going to be able to get the shunt replaced or at least some kind of CSF diversion going...I did not know I was going to be diagnosed with the Chiari, I had no clue that this wasn't going to stop anytime soon and I had no idea what it was going to do to my family, our housing situation or even how much stress it was going to put on Lauren and Chris.

I am really grateful though, Chris has stood by me, holding me close, even when I break down and just cant handle anymore. Lauren has stepped up and gained a ton of independance, which makes my life both sad and easier all at once. My church, wow, they have been super supportive as well. My family, well, my family has done a lot, my mom was here for 3 weeks after the surgery taking care of Lauren and my Father in law stepped up ever since since they are closer and he is retired, they are even taking Lauren this Friday just so we get a day off (not sure I really want a day off, but she will have fun)

So, while the extreme pain may be caused by stress, I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't want the pressures to hit the point where I end up in the hospital again. Stress is what induced and broke me the first time. I don't remember what set it off the second time, and the third time was about a month after the miscarriage so I dont really know what set that one off either...but I can tell, I remember this feeling a little too well. I won't be scheduled a spinal tap til mid August, right now that seems like a million years away. I am praying hard I can last that long.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Still not Feeling well

Yup, that's right, still not up to par yet. Its been a busy week with too much stress and I am HOPING beyond hope that that's why I have been so miserable lately. I think Monday was that last straw, it was the first time I slept through the night and I definitely don't think it was cause of the Inderal, then the fact that I woke up about 5 times last night tossing and turning in pain proved to me that it was stress that helped me sleep...I know most people stress keeps them awake, but I have had more than my fair share of stress over the last 3 months and just can't handle any more. Its a really good thing that I don't have to go through it alone, I serve a very mighty God who just happens to be carrying me through this.

On a positive note though, I am walking much better, I can take about 4 steps without needing something to hold on to, and when I am using the walker I am walking REALLY well.
My physical therapist noticed some weird wobble yesterday though, I think its cause I was so busy that the swelling went down while I was on the go (my foot really likes the tennis shoes) My shoes were loose, we tightened them, but it was still twisting funny when I walked with the cane, we shall see if its improved any tomorrow. She also thinks I have a touch of arthritis in my knees, but I can live with that so long as everything else gets taken care of.

Friday my baby gets to spend her VERY first night away from home, Grandpa is taking me to my doctors appointment Friday morning and then he is dropping me off and taking Lauren out to their house for the night. We will pick her up Saturday morning about 10 or so when we go look at the mobile home. His dad actually wants to go look at it with us, so it will just be convenient to pick her up that way.

It will be so nice to be closer to the in laws, yes, I actually LOVE my father in law and his wife, Mother in law, hmmm, I can't honestly say how I feel about her, I care about her and for her, but I am more concerned for her and pray for her because of the way she feels about our family. Her relationships are so unhealthy, I really pray God will save her and she can have a normal relationship with her son and grand-daughter too.

Well, tomorrow will be another busy day, not nearly as bad as the rest of the week since tomorrow is busy around home, chores, maybe a bit of school, and that's about it before Physical Therapy, the rest of the week its been a lot of going too, really takes a lot out of me. I think I am off to bed, Have a wonderful day.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Chiari Malformation

The newest diagnosis in a slew of new medical problems I have found I have was given to me today by the Neurosurgeon. Dr. Guthikonda walks in and asks me what we are doing today...Well we are reviewing the MRI's, the Opthamology appointment, and the old records from the other hospital. Ugh, I was expecting something totally different since Dr. Van Stavern reviewed the MRI's too, he said they looked good...maybe to the untrained eye.

I have Acquired Chiari Type I, He thinks it may be from the shunt that was in, but more likely, I had actually had it before but it was hard to tell since they only ran a CT scan back in 2001...
He wants me to lose 35lbs in 3 months going on a HIGH protein, Low Carb, low fat, low calorie diet. So my menu plan on my other blog will be getting a LOT of editing as I learn to eat more protein and less fat.

Right now, I am so very grateful they thought that these headaches were migraines when they came back. If it had been clearly a shunt issue, I would not have been sent to Dr. Silverman, if I hadn't been sent to Dr. Silverman, I would not have been sent to Dr. Guthikonda, since he is a DMC doc instead of all of the St. John docs I had seen up to this point.
I feel so blessed that he found this, granted it could mean very bad thigns if I do end up still needing the shunt replaced, but God is greater, and I know if he provided a doctor to find it, he can guide his hands while he fixes it...since God has already told me he is not going to heal this in the way that most people view healings.
God has blessed me so much, he has used this for the last 19 years and he will continue to use it until he is done using this situation. I hope whatever his plans are that something GREAT happens through this.

Did I mention??

I no longer like Roller Coasters. This weekend has been so full of ups and downs its hard to even know where to start.

Friday was a headache getting things done, stress over todays appointment, and a whole lot of other issues. Saturday morning was wonderful, time with family, chatting with great friends, just a good time, then came the afternoon...MIL is a headache, and when you have had one for almost 19 years and the previous 4 days have been really painful, dealing with that is no fun...Hubby handled it great though, I just wish she could see the situation for what it is....she badmouths me when I visit her, she badmouths me when he chooses to leave me home (it keeps her from finding more amunition) I don't choose whether to go or not, he has made that choice for me many times over...I respect his decision.

Saturday was a combination day as well. My headaches were through the roof, nausea and stiff neck accompanying and just overall I felt lousy. We had church, and I had to go, it was very important to me to be there, everytime I miss, I feel even we went, Lauren was in a Mother's day skit thingy the kids did, the olders and youngers both did things, it was so cute, but she cried everytime she saw me...oops, thats my kid, I hated being in front of people and almost always broke out in tears...but I did it too, and she didn't fail in doing her part either, Way to go Lauren.
After Church, we came home and got ready to go to the inlaws, it was raining cats, dogs, rats, elephants, you name it, it was coming down. It was very hard to see driving out there, we stopped and looked at the mobile home on our way, its nice and we like the exterior a lot, I will call and schedule an appointment to look at the interior on Saturday.
At my inlaws, everyone seemed a bit off, I am thinking it was due to the weather, I struggled to carry on a conversation with my sister in law, and we always do really well at that, lol, Chris couldn't seem to hold anyone's attention which made him a bit crabby, not that he wanted attention, but he felt really ignored, but it was in the air, it was everyone not just him, there was almost no talking at all going on.

I got to hold my New nephew, he is the most precious little guy around, but even he was crabbier than they say he normally is, even so, it was a huge joy to bounce him and quiet him, it felt so weird to hold a NON screaming baby, I don't remember Lauren ever not screaming she even wimpered in her sleep.

I think overall it was a good weekend, but it certainly had more ups and downs every single day than I would like to see, I know God will work through those, I have watched him work in so many ways already.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mother's Day?

Ok, Ok, I know its not til tomorrow, but tomorrow will be a very busy, We have Church in the morning, heading over to my Father In Laws house.

Yes, we are going to my FIL's house, they asked and since I get along better with them than my MIL, and I want to see my nephew and look at a house out that way, we are going there.

DH was going to visit MIL today, but she decided that it was in her best interest to badmouth me and DH stood up for me and ended up staying home. I love that he stood up for me, but I feel kinda bad that she is alone for Mother's Day. I also feel even worse for him, it seems every time he tries to do something to spend time with her, this is what happens.

She has not been a real part of our lives in almost a year. The last time we went to see her as a family was last July...she threw a huge fit over the fact that we went to FIL's on Lauren's birthday...we always celebrate ALL of the birthdays around that time. DH, July 4, Bug, June 29, BIL and I are June 26 (a year apart), BIL is June 16th, and FIL is June 8th, makes sense to celebrate all at once there, right?

I havent' gone since then, it makes it really stressful since I can't handle being stressed out without good reason...even with good reason I can't take it right now.
I try to support my hubby, but I want to see him happy.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Random Ramblings of Whats going on

Both proposals we voted against went through on Tuesday, I was kinda bummed.
Granted I don't think those things should be on a school board timing ballot though since we get lower turn outs, but then again, I don't agree with a lot going on right now.

I am on my third rough day today with pain, I had so many good days last week that this is a bit of a challenge to cope with.

I was so stressed over things going on at home when I left for therapy, I passed the place and had to drive another half mile back to get there, I was about 10 minutes later overall, but it really had me frustrated. I guess I need to NOT pray on the way to therapy, the car was on auto pilot going to church (that extra half mile plus another half a mile the other way, I passed church on my turn around.)

We will likely go out on Saturday instead of waiting til Sunday after hearing the neighbor ON the phone out screaming at his girlfriend, the gangs that walk the neighborhood and the drug dealers at opposite ends of the block are just getting to be too much.
Add in costs that we are strugging with and its just time to go. I thought I was upset but the more I think about it the more excited I get.

Well its nearly bedtime, Chris wanted me to watch the news tongiht, but I am barely able to stay awake now.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Ouch and Out to Vote

My oh My, Physical Therapy was HARD today. I hit my 1000 steps in 15 minutes goal on the NuStep, walked twice alone with the cane, oh do I hurt, in between walking, I did some stretches for the stiff calves and some lunges, then I did the hurdles before I went home.

Then we went out to vote down two proposals on our local ballots and now I am thoroughally exhausted. Thank the Lord for that Handicap sticker, I wouldn't have made it without it today.

I am amazed

Yesterday, while VERY long was a great appointment. I am grateful, so very grateful that the inlaws took Lauren to the sciece center across the street though since it took FOUR hours.

The wait time before seeing the doctor was less than 15 minutes and no room waiting time so to speak.

I did pretty good on everything except the color plates, I remember those from before, I still only get half of them and on some of the ones I do get, I can't see it without tracing them with my finger to verify what I am seeing.

He checked my eyes, my ocular pressure, my visual fields, the nerves and then took photos to compare for next time.

All looked good, he thinks we MIGHT be able to try a different medicine that I haven't done yet, topamax, for migraines, and that it sometimes helps with the ptc, but often times its more like ptc patients have a double problem going on. Topamax aparently doesn't have as many side effects, but one of the ones it does have is Weight Loss, which may counteract the Lyrica at the very least.

I am really glad I went, and now I do not have to go back to the idiot doctor either. He asked permission to do follow ups since I was honest about why I stopped coming 10 years ago. I go back September 4th....He is almost as good as Dr. Ing was, PTC is one of his research interests, and having someone actually interested in my problem is very important to me since they know that not everything is as it seems.

Overall, I was very happy, and its nice to know that there is nothing affecting my vision right now, and no real risks of it happening either. Unfortunately, if the Topamax doesn't work, I will probably still need to have the shunt put back in to deal with the headaches. I am so totally ok with that though, because God's will will be done throughout whatever happens.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

I had a blast

Friday we saved lots of money at Meijer, we even splurged and got Chris a new pair of work shoes (they were 20% off) He needed them, but since they are such a HUGE expense, it wasn't easy for him to accept them. He also worked a half a day on Friday too which helps immenesly. We are betting he will be back to working 5 days by the end of this week.

Saturday, I went to the Woman's dinner at Church. I left Lauren home with daddy, which is good since she certainly wouldn't have eaten $6 worth of food (I didn't eat $6 let alone $12 worth, it wasn't impressive for being catered) but I did enjoy the fellowship which I think is much more important. Lauren's little friend also stayed home with her daddy, so I don't think she would have enjoyed herself much anyhow...the only kids that were there were either babies or bigger kids (8 and up)
The speaker spoke on baggage, especially unforgiveness, it was a pretty powerful message.

This morning was church and now Lauren is getting ready for bed, she is sleeping downstairs since tomorrow is a busy day, a doctors appointment at 9 and ugh, I don't really want to go...Shh, I will never be able to convince Lauren its ok since she sees me not wanting to go to my appointments. I don't care for eye doctor appointments more than any other kind because it seems that they make the headaches worse by all the lights they shine at me.

Please pray that this isn't that bad, and that he is somene I can deal with, I was spoiled with my first real neuro opthamologist, the second one I didn't care for and I haven't liked any eye doc since. Dr. Ing, was/is the best, I miss him something horrible, when you google anything about neuro opthamology, his name is attached to it somewhere...I felt confident in his hands....I was scared the first time I saw him too, but talking to him at the very first appointment I was so comforted, unfortunately now he is in Canada, and Blue Cross doesn't cross country lines.

I guess why this is so hard is that I have known I was supposed to go back, but I was disobedient and stubborn. Fear is not from God, but it was so overwhelming that I could not handle going in. When Dr. Guthikonda sent me, I literally panicked. I know God will be with me, and whatever is supposed to happen will...I know God is in control of this whole thing, he knows whats going to happen and be there to hold my hand through the process. All I know is that there is much more that will be happening, and I have to go through this long process to fulfill his will.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


After a really rough morning, we had a good day today.

Lauren woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and Ooooh, I can't deal with those mornings. She was almost cooperative with school though and thats a good thing.

Our day perked up about noon when her attitude changed and she realized that I am mom not her. Goodness that is not a fun battle. God has given me a lot of grace in dealing with her as she is so moody and her moods change so fast that it sometimes scares me.

Thanks to a blog I stumbled across, tomorrow I am going to Meijer and going to save a lot of money. She had coupons that I did not even know existed.

The most awesome thing about that is I had already planned on going there tomorrow to get most of the things she had coupons for. I like getting to save MORE money because someone else finds a way. We go there to get gas as its so expensive and since we have their credit card, we put the gas on there, save 5 cents per gallon and put the money right back on the card...
I dont normally advocated credit cards, but the 5 cents per gallon more than makes up for the interest rate.

Tonights Physical Therapy was rough, we did a lot of practice walking with a cane. My confidence is not there. I am terrified to be outside of the parallel bars, even holding Cathy's hand I was still really shakey. She says I am doing good though, but my back says otherwise. It hurts so bad when I am done.
I got to 900 steps on level 3 on the NuStep, I still WANT that machine. I managed to walk for about a 20 minutes with the cane, no easy task, but I managed. I did the green hurdles, I knocked over a lot more than usual on the 10 times across (5 forward and 5 sideways). Then I did half Lunges, she has me practicing getting the knee to bend and HURTS, but I do see it as good pain.
I don't go back til Tuesday, but hopefully then I will be able to go 1000 steps on Level 3...I make no plans to progress beyond that as it depends on how much walking she has me doing. I may try the other cane in the bars, depends on how many patients she has at once.