Saturday, December 29, 2007

Whats going on in our house

Spiritual Warfare.

Stresses are running high, that's what.
MIL is in the hospital. I can't ask people to pray for her because we have no idea whats wrong, she isn't being honest with us.

Dh is falling prey to her every demand, its stressing our family to near the breaking point. A bit of background, we have a very BAD relationship with MIL. There is a very strong spiritual oppression that occurs when we are around her and DH is not strong in his faith at this point, making it even harder on our house.

Satan is really getting a good laugh at our expense, but he WILL NOT win this battle.

Every time I pray, I hear God ask me those Four little words that are extremely aggravating to me at this present moment....DO YOU TRUST ME?

This is stressing me out more so because I am sick I think, I THINK. Its bringing back a lot of very painful memories from early in our marriage. We had been married merely a month when I lost our first child, and ended up having a D&C for a missed miscarriage. DH was at work during that, his grandmother came to the hospital to be with me.

Two months later, I ended up in the hospital with my 3rd PTC attack, I was admitted during the night, I had sent him to work because I knew he would not be able to be with me through a good portion of the time in the ER and we needed the money...he didn't make it to the hospital every day I was in there after being admitted.

The following month, I had the shunt that is now not working properly put in. Once again, he was not there for me, when I woke up, the world had fallen apart (or at least that's how TV portrayed it) and My husband was NO WHERE to be found. Yes, he stayed while I was in surgery that horrible September day, but when I was moved to recovery, he had gone to get the mattress and box springs for our bed instead of being there.

But, his mom is in the hospital, lying to us about whats even wrong (what she said they were doing surgery for is NOT treated surgically and the anesthesiologist is not who tells you how you are doing, I have had More than enough surgeries to know this) and he has been incredibly testy and grumpy. Yes I am bitter, We have had struggles throughout our marriage, but this one is really getting to me. He had not seen her in 6 months and things were finally starting to look up. He was not always crabby and easier to deal with. Even Lauren said something to him today...when he asked her about it, I had to point out that she is not blind, even she can see the stress that this is causing him.

I have not been in church in a little over a month because of various reasons, But I am going tomorrow NO MATTER WHAT. The song that keeps going through my head is

I command you Satan in the Name of the Lord, To pick up your weapons and Flee, for the LORD has Given Me authority to Walk all over thee.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Religion Questions from a FIVE year old

The day is past, but the life of Christ goes on in our hearts for eternity. Yesterday Lauren asked lots of Questions, see, since we do not put up a tree, at this point in our lives, we get lots of questions on others beliefs.

Those questions never seem to be easy, you would think at 5 years old, they would be simple questions, but alas, it is not so. Fortunately, the answers are very simple when it comes down to it. Faith is HUGE, and when we are asked a faith based question with answers that only faith can explain we turn to the Word and look for the answer.
She was interested in how he lives even though he died, and yes, my baby girl got the revelation that easter can not be dated right either just based off of basic math principles. We explained that this time of year we celebrate Christ's Birth, Life and in turn, his death. That's how we do it in our home, its not just his birthday, but all about who he was, what he did, and why it was so significant.
Lauren had to understand the death, he was dead three days and three nights (Matthew 12:40) so he rose on the 4th day, and yes, she figured that out, I did not have to instruct, its basic math.

I am glad she can understand these things at 5 years old, I am glad she is interested, I would rather instill faith in a child, and allow her to ask questions now, while doubt is easy to overcome than be like I was as a child, and accept what I was told as fact, then as an adult, start having all the questions, they were a lot harder for me to overcome, since I had the disadvantage of years to learn things.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas no matter how you celebrate the day or if you celebrate it, at least its a day to be with family instead of at work.

Monday, December 24, 2007

God is Amazing

Yesterday we did something, DH and I that I have NEVER done, we sold a running vehicle. See, I don't drive much unless DH is with me or I am going to Dr's appointments anymore. I just do not trust my abilities and my vision. We had two vehicles, a Very poor running mini van that I trusted to go all of maybe 2 miles on a good day and DH's car that we bought last February when he got tired of driving the van we didn't trust.

I had been debating about calling and pulling the insurance off the van this week since it had not been driven more than in and out of the driveway more than twice in the last month or so, it just didn't make financial sense to pay for something we are not using. Well God made that debate a mute point, Dh was talking to a friend, who was looking for a beater to get his son by til they could get his car fixed. God provided a Buyer, a way to get rid of the worthless van, and more importantly a blessing that we were not even looking for.

Isn't he amazing. I know this is yet another test, God has something big in store for our family I can feel it all over, but he is testing our obedience to him by entrusting us things that we have made promises to take action on.

I am so excited I can barely contain myself, God is so Good to us.

Saturday, December 22, 2007


Yesterday I saw the neurologist. I really love how he listens and actually cares.

I left the office with a full fledged case of the emotional ups and downs.
I know that the pressure is up, I knew that last week.
As I suspected, when he found that out, he asked me about the diamox (YUCK) and the shunt.
I will NOT take diamox again, the side effects are way worse than the symptoms it was supposedly treating (maybe if it worked, that would have been a different story, but it didn't)

The shunt info he gave me was a bit disheartening though. I do not know what I was expecting, but it surprised me nonetheless. I was asked if I have a programmable shunt, which I am now seriously praying is the case. If I do they can probably reset it without another surgery. If not, they will likely have to change the hardware and put in a programmable one.
I am not sure what I have because back when I had the shunt put in, programmable ones were used primarily for VP shunts and not LP ones.

I would love to blow this off and say its just a LITTLE high, but the reality is no matter how "just a little high" it is, it is affecting my day to day life and interfering with it enough that I saw the doc in the first place, if I went in, its not just "a little" problem, because I do NOT go in before its bothering me (that's just silly to go when you don't feel bad, I wouldn't have known I was sick otherwise)

Oh well, I guess God is really going to work our faith as a family because its not an easy road we are going down.

The Irony, The 23rd Psalm is what is going through my mind, stopping and focusing on verse 4 Which reads, Yea, tho I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of death I will fear no Evil for you art with me. Thy Rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Christmas is coming

This week brings so much confusion to our family. Dh refuses to celebrate, we have no tree (not a huge thing) I love to give gifts, it just makes me smile.

DD, poor bug doesn't quite understand why daddy is so adamant, I know the break through is on its way though. This year he has not been nearly as crabby and scrooge like. A nice change from the usual I might add.

School has been a real struggle for us this past few weeks. Bug has been so lazy or careless and its driving me nuts... if she truly did NOT understand I don't think it would bother me so much.
As soon as she puts her mind to it and starts concentrating and working slowly through her school she rarely misses anything.
I think since I started not making her re do all of her work that was wrong she is starting to get more and more careful though. She likes seeing High marks with few wrong.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Show must Go on

Today I am tired of feeling overwhelmed, I am tired of fighting with DH over things that should NEVER be an issue, and I am tired of Lauren choosing to argue rather than cooperate when it comes to school time.

So today, life must go on... Yesterday, I accomplished very little, 15 minutes worth of work, no proof that I did anything and misery for the remainder of the day, so today my plans are a bit different.
I need to realize my limitations, keep my stress levels low, because when I don't I pay for it dearly and my family does as well.

This morning, I am going to complete the dishes in my matter how many loads I wash, it seems that it is always full. I changed out the trash bag in the kitchen can, I will fill the second bag so it can go to the curb this evening.

This afternoon, Lauren and I are going to do school, because she had a half a week off last week, we are going to keep it simple and just work on her phonics and reading comprehension. Tomorrow we will work on the math and handwriting. She is up to lesson 9 in her 1st grade Phonics program, I cannot believe she is already that far. In math she is working her way through Kindergarten but doing 2-3 lessons at a time.
In January we will be adding in Science, Social Studies, and Language Arts, but so far those have not been a priority for us.

Our family has been kind of overwhelmed in spiritual battles right now, but I will post more about that later...yes, its strong on my mind, but right now, I need to go feed Lauren, and get to work before I lose what little energy I have left.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Human Again

What a week last week turned out to be.
I have had many spinal taps, 9 now to be precise, but all but 2 of them I had been admitted after or during, so I had a nice dose of pain meds already going.

Thursday and Friday I pretty much slept through, Pain started as soon as the lidocaine wore off, yucky.

Today however, I am back to being me, the headaches are back to normal, and things need to be done around here. I am a lousy housekeeper, but I realized after pretty close to 5 days of me being miserable, that I do a decent job of keeping things at least easy to take care of when I find the motivation to do it. No room takes me that long if I stick with it and just do it.

This morning, in 5 minutes I picked my living room back up (I had been on the couch and it looked like EVERYTHING we owned ended up in the living room while I was down)
I made a dozen crunchy cookies (Recipe on other Blog) for Chris to take to work tomorrow for his two coworkers, 6 peppermint and 6 sprinkled.
Dishes are almost caught up. I have one more load as it still hurts to be in one position too long.
Laundry is almost caught up, I have to fold now, then put away.

This week I am going to be attacking our master bedroom. It has been overgrown with stuff for a while now and it really needs to be conquered.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Well today definitely confirmed that I am not Crazy, lol.

After several complications yesterday, today came, I had the spinal tap and I am feeling some sense of relief, sorta.

My mom was supposed to come watch Lauren while I had spent the morning in the hospital, but they got a snow storm of sorts up north where they live. I question just how bad it really was by talking to both of my parents and knowing what the weather is like here, a mere hour and a half away, but anyhow...she was unable to come down, so Chris took the day off to take me.
I love that man so much. He works hard to provide for our family and today he really stepped up to the plate to make sure I was well taken care of.

This morning was a whirlwind of getting ready to go...we slept in til a grand whole 5:40am, I put dinner in the crock pot, gathered Lauren's backpack (have to keep her occupied for 5 or more hours) and left at 6:40am
Got signed it at 7:21am and I was NOT on the hospitals short stay list, so they had to figure out what happened, got it all straight and I was headed down to x-ray by 8:20am

Spinal taps are a lot of fun when you get a great staff...ok, they are still painful, but I was really blessed beyond blessed this morning by the great doctor who did the tap, the doctor that got it to work right, and the radiology tech and her two trainees, not to mention the nurses and patient techs on the short stay unit.

The Hospital had been having trouble with one of their Fluoroscopy machines yesterday, they repaired it and asked if I minded being the guinea pig for them to see if it was REALLY working, no, I didn't mind, but I am glad that they checked first because it was NOT working properly, they could barely see the vertebrae let alone my shunt that they were supposed to avoid. Off to the other room, no big deal.

There was some confusion about what Dr. Pieper wanted, so the radiologist paged him, apparently this hospital has two Dr. Pieper's and when mine called back, they were confused and thought that they wanted the other one, I was talking to the radiologist when he called back and so they had to re-page him, it was actually pretty funny, you would think all the goof ups would have made me stressed, but actually they relieved a lot of the stress I had been feeling.

Before he did the tap the radiologist looked at my spine, showed me where he was going to put the needle, showed me where my shunt was, and the flow of tubing, that was really neat to see.

Then we started, Lots of Lidocaine 3 shots to be exact, they started with the spinal needle, not horrible, I was nice and numb. Uh oh, scarring in the way, have to move to a different spot, did not even feel him move until he got really deep, Uhm OUCH, More Lidocaine.
Hmm, I am not getting any csf at all (csf is Cerebral Spinal Fluid).
The radiologist sends one of the techs to get another radiologist, they move me just a little, OUCH, he adjusts the needle OUCH, I actually screamed (I had not done that in radiology before) he asks what is wrong, I reply, THAT HURT (thinking to myself, I like the other one better because he didn't have to ask stupid obvious questions, then pray for forgiveness and Thank God I didn't say it out loud, ask God to give me strength) Then More lidocaine (they put lidocaine in 6 times overall)
We have fluid! YAY! Almost over.

I listen as they read the manometer (pressure measuring device) Mixed emotions are running, the highest number is 58, the lowest is 28. Normal is under 25, preferable under 18, especially with the shunt. I ask the final pressure, 38cm. I feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, the pressure is up, which means something definitely is not right. It is not extremely high, but its high none the less, so I do not know what the next step is. On the other hand, I was right, I knew it was up...It felt really good to know that I am not crazy, it was nice to know that I do know my body.

Now, I am resting in the arms of Jesus, knowing that he is in control, and I am trying to hold onto the peace I had earlier (it is coming and going for some reason)
I have known all along that God is in control of this... Its amazing to see him work. He put me in excellent hands, gave me comfort when I needed it most and best of all, He gave me a day with my husband and daughter by my side all day long.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Making your Home a haven day 7

Today will be the last day until maybe Friday I will be able to do the challenge, its been fun, encouraging and I have seen a lot accomplished, while Everything on my to do lists have not been completed, I do not feel like a failure like I used to.

Today's challenge is simple, we are just clearing a small space or working on a procrastinated project.

I will be playing catch up. Yesterday I got about half of my list done. We spent a lot more time doing things than I had anticipated, but it is ok. If it does not get done there is always tomorrow, and if its not done then, its still ok, because my family actually comes before my work around the house. If they are happy, then I did a good job.

My Private time with God Was Philippians Chapter 4.
Today's To do list,
I am GOING to get the Rubber Maid Bins to the shed today, I filled a 3rd one to go out as well.
I am GOING to get the garbage cans ALL emptied and in the outdoor can.

These are the only two that HAVE to be done today since the garbage goes out tonight and I will not be able to stretch around the bins for the rest of the week.

Tonight we are having Cheese Ravioli and Meat sauce cooked in the crock pot. The sauce will go in about 11am and will be finished around 4pm or so, DH will be leaving at 5:30 for bowling, next week will be his last week, YAY, I am so proud that he has decided not to continue this very expensive Hobby, Trusting God on that one has been a challenge and a half.

Tomorrow morning, into the crock pot again for dinner. The leftover sauce will be the basis for a Taco Soup and hopefully I will feel well enough to get a loaf of bread started so that DH can just pull it out when he gets home. I have all the ingredients except the water, butter, and yeast pre-measured into quart size zip bags already, so it should not be a problem.

To See how others are Making Their Homes a Haven, visit Crystal at Biblical Womanhood.

Philippians Chapter 4

This morning I read through Philippians Chapter 4, tomorrow is the big day and for some reason I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I know God is in control, I know that he will be there with me, and I know that everything will work out for his Glory. What I was struggling with though, is that, for some reason, I feel like this is not over. I feel like something will have to be missed for God to get the ultimate Glory out of this mess.
PTC or Migraines? Neither are fun, I have only had 5 really bad days in the last week and a half, less than I had had in the previous ONE week altogether. Tomorrow will be LP number 9 and I know lots of people have had more, but I have been really blessed (or spoiled) by being able to tolerate the pressures getting really really high before they make me sick...I am only doing this because I can no longer afford to get as sick as I did before I had Lauren to take care of.

Either way, The 4th chapter of Philippians really helped me know that God is not forgetting about me. I love that chapter, it has more of my favorite verses than any other area. Phil 4:6, Phil 4:8, and Phil 4:13 all in one short chapter. I have lots of favorite verses, but here they are all very close together and very uplifting especially when I needed it most.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Challenge Day 6

We're Heading to the Kitchen!
But First, The Making your Home a Haven Challenge hosted by Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood has given us other steps.

1. Refresh your Spirit- This week God has really blessed me, Kinda gave me confirmation that he heard my prayers and from an unlikely source so I knew it was God and not me. I love when he does that. I was reading Ezekiel 20 and 21 about how God deals with disobedience. I do not know how I got there as it was a random open your Bible and read. Faith, Trust, and Obedience have been on my mind for quite some time. It is so hard to be Obedient when your Faith and trust in Him are being tested.

2. Morning Routine- My morning routine is to Get DH off to work and take my quiet time with God, Its the best time for it since I am already praying for DH. I Make his lunch, get his clothes together if I did not do it the night before and spend a few minutes with him before he leaves. 5:30 he walks out the door and I start by praying for him then spend Lauren and other things, Taking special care to remember to take time just to listen.

3. Plan- My to do list today is a bit different than normal. Today I have to finish my dining room, I am proud to report that my living room is still somewhat neat even after the weekend, it will only be a 5 minute clean up.
  • School with Lauren, she had last week off as she helped me get the living room in order, it was a big job.
  • We are going to finish the dining area, To do this I need to put 3 Rubbermaid containers in the Shed and the two fans out there as well. Then I am going to sweep and Mom the entire floor. (our Living and dining rooms are technically one LONG room)
  • Heading to the Kitchen, I am going to be doing the dishes and moving the Table to the dining area.

Dinner is Chicken Quesadillas and Rice with Black Beans.

4. Do something, Now that I have it all out, time to get to work. To see what others are doing and for more encouragement Head on over to Biblical Womanhood

Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Fire

How stubborn are we that we have to go through the fire over and over again?
How many times is God having to turn his back from our sin because we won't listen to his calling?

Yesterday I talked to a really special friend of mine for only the second time this year, we have parted and come together many times and I consider her one of my best friends in the world. We met in college in Tennessee 12 years ago now. I was the maid of honor in her wedding in 1997, she has been going through some very stressful struggles in her spiritual walk, in her family and in her marriage. She had to go through a very painful experience for God to get her attention.

Several years back, I went through a very similar experience, except it wasn't nearly as traumatic. I don't know why I didn't have to suffer like she did to hear God, but as I watch others around me it pains me when I look at the years I wasted while I was being stupid. I had told God that I would NOT go to Church again til he told me to. She did a similar thing. We and many others have wasted time, and now are looking back at those wasted years wondering just what we missed. God is constantly blessing us, but how many of those blessings did we miss due to our disobedience?

I pray daily for her marriage to be restored, she has the promise that God gave her that it will be, and her husband also feels the same way.

I use this lesson for my family daily. DD is only 5, but she knows that she must be obedient. I am able to show her how I have been disciplined, and I am able to discipline her to show her the same Love that God shows his children. DH, on the other hand, is still having trouble seeing it. He was not raised in a Christian home, so he has never seen the effects on anyone other than me. I am so thankful thought that God got a hold of me early in our marriage to rescue me from the temptation to walk again. While church isn't the most important part of the relationship with God, it is something I need, and I know my family needs it too. Now just to get more than DD to go with me, at least she enjoys church and gets ALL excited when its time to go.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Be Still

The beginning of this week got off to a bang with Crystal's Make your home a Haven challenge. I got so much accomplished Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday that on Thursday we decided to spend time together as a family and not worry about accomplishing anything. Ironically enough, I managed to complete her task for yesterday of the Bathroom at least effectively enough that DH noticed that it looked better (mainly because his work clothes went in to work with him so the mess that was left was gone.)

While I had planned on a slow day anyhow, I guess I needed it because I woke up with another of those headache days where you just don't have the strength to do anything. When I prayed, I heard ONE verse over and over again. Of course, I have always been really good at the verse part, but where its found is the problem I have. So glad that Lauren is learning how to memorise the location too. Anyhow, Today in my mailbox sat a catalog to my Favorite Christian bookstore all over this catalog today happens to be the verse God had been pressing on me, BE still and Know that I am God. Psalm 46:10a it was on Pillows, plates, plaques, you name it. I realize that I did too much, but I did not realize that God was still proud of me for accomplishing anything.

So often, when I am having a bad day, other things seem to make me feel like a failure that I don't get much done, I don't seem to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even a foot in front of me. It is great to know that God is watching over us when things are going right, and when they aren't going at all.

This week, I had been stressing over some papers that I was expecting in the mail before December 1st. They came today. I had been waiting to hear from Dr. Pieper's office to get the Blue Cross Authorization for my spinal tap next week, she called today, they don't require an authorization for this procedure. Our tax bill came for our winter property taxes. I had been stressed over how much that would be....are you ready? The winter bill is a grand total of $27, I can handle that, but more importantly, God told me to Be still and Know that he is God, He is in control No matter how many things in my life seem to be falling apart.

We tend to forget that God knew what was going to happen before we were even born. I know too, he knew this would stress me out, that's why he was able to provide peace in my home even though the stress was still there.

Last night, the most amazing thing happened in our home. Lauren, decided that she was going to use self control and not go crazy when daddy got upset. She didn't realize it was bed time, and was playing around, instead of getting upset at daddy for getting upset, she came to me and asked if she should apologize to daddy for upsetting him. Isn't that just a big thing for a 5 year old to do? My little girl just wanted to play with her daddy, she did not want him upset. Poor daddy didn't know how to respond, he did however do the right thing and everything was fixed and it was a good night.

Self control is the one thing we have been working on in our home for all of us. We all have tempers, but God wants us to use Self Control. He does not, nor will he ever, want us to fly off the handle when things don't go exactly as we think they should. It is so great that he helps us by giving us grace and mercy when we mess up. Lauren realized that when we do remain calm the outcome is much much easier to take. DH realized that when he listens, she does as well. And I learned, that God has been working in both of their lives, You can pray over your family, but God uses the trials of life to show he has been listening.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Day 3 Making your Home a Haven

Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood has been helping us along with this challenge. The encouragement of knowing I am not alone is just amazing.

First up. Refresh your spirit, after my prayer time she asked us to list 3 things to be thankful for, its hard to stick with just 3 as God has been so amazing lately.

I think the first thing I am truly thankful for is that God is Provident. There have been so many times recently where I had no idea how we were going to make it through a situation, but GOD is amazing and just made things work the way they needed to and everything fell into place.

The second thing that I am most thankful for is my family. I have had so many ups and downs its nice to have family support. So many people do not have the help they need when they go through trials its such a blessing to not go through alone.

The third thing I am going to share about being thankful for isn't even mine, but I am extremely grateful that the insurance company decided to pay to fix my sisters car instead of totalling it out. This has been a prayer of mine since last week as it would be very hard on her to have to replace her car right before Christmas to come back to Michigan for the semester break.

The second part of the Making Your Home a Haven is our morning routine. For me that is done at 5am, I will be adding to that though starting or finishing a load of Laundry.

On my to do list, Today I will be completing the living room, Yesterday I got it picked up, got all the toys clutter and almost all of the things that do not belong out.
I will be moving the furniture around to separate the living and dining rooms Because later this week I am planning on moving the table back into the dining room area.
This will take up a good portion of the day since I have to move fairly slowly and have to take school breaks for the Bug today. She had a day off yesterday.

I will also be putting lots of Laundry away, I dint seem to have too much of a problem with the washing, drying, or folding clothes, BUT, I do have a problem getting it put away, so that's a goal, I have 3 baskets that are ready to be put away but haven't been yet.

This afternoon about 3pm or so, Bug and I will be heading to the Library, we have lots of books on hold and its the perfect time to go get them. We will be reading through some Little House books as well as some others I want to try.

For dinner, today, I think I am going to cheat, we have a package of Salisbury steak in the freezer so I think we will have that, Baked Potatoes, and Garlic Green Beans. Poor DH is getting tired of Chicken and ground beef, it looks like its time to make a trip to the grocery store again and work on menu planning week by week.

For the Third Part, the DO Something part, I am going to keep working on my living room. I am glad I am pretty caught up on the laundry (and DH's work clothes go in with him on Thursdays) so I have the time to continue tackling the Living room.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Routines and Making your Home a Haven

Yesterday Crystal challenged us to get a morning routine in place. This was very difficult for me til I realized that almost every morning I do the exact same things.
DH gets up for work at 5am, he leaves by 5:30am
While he is getting ready for work, I do the following.
I get up and dressed
I go into the kitchen, get our DH's breakfast bowl and spoon (most days he has cereal because of time constraints)
After his breakfast is all set up, I then make his lunch and prepare his water bottles.
At that point we do our goodbyes and I come back to our room that is generally my prayer time to get ready for the day.

She also had us attack our Entryway, well, we technically don't have an entryway, you walk in the front door and straight into our living room. When I started there, I realized that my lovely little Bug had completely taken over our entire downstairs. This tackle will take me quite a while to work through, so I was thrilled when Crystal had moved into the living room today. We are taking a day of very little school and going to finish cleaning the living room, I will post a picture when its all done.

So far, We got all laundry and all toys out of the living room. Today we will finish picking up the papers and garbage that never seems to make it into the can. Then I will sort the school stuff and rearrange the furniture.

To see how others are Making their Home a Haven Head on Over to Biblical Womanhood

Monday, December 3, 2007

Oh How I need this

Crystal over at Biblical Womanhood is hosting a challenge, Making Your Home a Haven and Oh do I need this.

With all the chaos of this past few months and the more to come I need my home to be as peaceful as possible.

Her Challenges for Today are
1. Refresh your Spirit, I actually have been meditating on a different area of scripture, but it helps my situation so much more right now. I have been focusing on James 1:2-6 and actually trying to make a point to find the Joy when its not easily seen.

2. Take Time to Plan, Ok, I need to work on this one, I will update when I come up get it.

3. Do something. Crystal instructs us to go to our front door and pretend you are a first time visitor. My first reaction would be to run away, lol. I do not have company because I struggle to keep the home clean. I would never post a before picture as its just scary. This is actually encouraging though is I can use this time to get it in order before all of my tests when I have to count on others for help.

I am actually going to tackle the NOT ME 5 from Cindy's Porch to attack my living room. The new door that is needed will have to wait a bit longer, but it will come too.

Finding Joy in the small stuff

Like a whole week without having any medical appointments.

Seriously though, its always so easy to find things to be happy about when everything is going good, when God gives us an answer we really want, or when we have a really big praise with whats going on in our lives; but how often do we remember to be happy when small things go right?

Since November 12th, 21 days ago, I have had 5 different appointments either seeing the doctors (3 different ones) or having tests done. While we are not done and I still have to call the Neurologist and Neurosurgeons office this morning, I am taking extreme joy in the fact that the only real place I have to go this week is the Library. I don't even think the grocery store will see me this week unless they have some really amazing sales going on.

Remember to not only be Thankful for the big things, but the little things and the Not so happy things too because God is working through those as well.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Possitive Note

It seems lately all I have had to say is whats going on with my health. Now I know that's because not much has actually been done beyond that, its been keeping me VERY busy, but last week I had ordered a new curriculum to review. I found it brand new for $130, but decided that was too high, so I found it used for about a quarter of that. I am so excited. I have never seen so much useful information.

Today I read through the curriculum that arrived this morning, it looks so interesting and covers quite a variety of topics. Math and Phonics will still be Horizons and the rest will be Weaver.

We are excited and will be starting in January with the K-1 info.

Friday, November 30, 2007

No matter what may come my way

I know my life is in your hands. Those are my favorite words of peace right now as I hear the song by Kirk Franklin.
I have my spinal tap scheduled for December 12, it seems so far away and yet so early. I have only had one other one that was scheduled and it was scheduled for the afternoon. I have to be there at 7:30am for a 9am appointment and I will not get home til about 3-4 hours after I am done. Basically, I will be there from a minimum of 7:30 til noon, but probably a bit closer til 2pm. My poor mom, it will be a very long day for her as she will be watching Bug at the hospital, I guess she will be getting a few new things to keep her totally occupied while I am there, Dollar store, here I come.

Now, normally, I would not go to the dollar store to get things just to keep my daughter occupied, but this is a special circumstance. We do not have a portable DVD player so I cannot just give her a movie to watch or two to take up the majority of that time, part of it will be breakfast with grandma as I will Not be allowed to eat for 4 hours prior (not that I will be awake four hours prior to 7:30am) but the rest of that time she will need to have a variety of activities that do not weigh much to keep her occupied for a LONG time. She will have a clipboard worth of schoolwork to take as well though.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


This morning my dad called, My sister was in a car accident, by the sounds of it it mangled her car pretty badly. She was not hurt Praise God, but is very shaken up. She is down in Tennessee, more than 12 hours away from home. Its so hard to have things go wrong when you are so far away.

God Please help her to have to faith to trust that you are still in control of the circumstances.

The Wait

Oh how impatient am I? Let me Count the ways.

In case you haven't noticed, God is certainly allowing my patience to be worked right now, and I am failing miserably. Yesterday my appointment took just over an hour and a half before I got home from the doctors office, I love my neurosurgeon, I was so upset when I walked in their and his smile fixed that part at least.

Now I am waiting on the call from the hospital to schedule the fluoroscopic lumbar puncture. In the meantime, I finally know what the doctor thinks is causing the headaches if its not the PTC. So based on the spinal tap, I will know what the answer is soon.
If the pressures are normal, its migraines, and Dr. Pieper says we will have to medically manage them because they are winning on an average of 5 days each week.
He was also going to recommend a neurologist that is closer that specializes in Migraines, but in actuality, I don't know if I want a new doctor again, I kinda like Dr. Silverman. I know that by him not telling me he thinks they are migraines, he is pretty much trying to maintain his reputation if they aren't. The PTC was originally diagnosed as migraines when I was a kid and I was upfront with him about that back at the first appointment, so he knew the pressures were higher before any of the other symptoms appeared.

Monday, November 26, 2007

I am So Frustrated

Gracious, I am so tired of this whole mess.
This morning I saw the neurologist again. While I don't mind seeing him, I already had a strong inkling of what he had to say.
Spinal Tap, here we come.

Wednesday I get to visit my neurosurgeon again. Dr. Silverman wants to make sure that they can do a spinal tap to check the pressure. I wouldn't be so frustrated except that I technically was supposed to see Dr. Pieper on Halloween, but that got moved to go see Dr. Silverman in the first place.

Apparently my EEG and VEP weren't bad enough to have to look at those in more depth. That part is really good as I don't want to go through more of that. So, once again, I know nothing more than before and my thoughts that I knew more than the doctors in the first place was proven.
It is so hard to find the peace of God in this one for me as I asked about the tap way back on the 17th of October when I had the CT scan, MRI, and X-Rays. I thought it made more sense since that's the only way they can tell if the pressure is high.
I know God is in this, I know he wants either Me or Someone Else to learn from this, but right now I am feeling very weak and vulnerable since it seems I am going in circles to get this straightened out.
Right now, my biggest concern is if being headache free again is really worth all the hassles to deal with this.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

While its been a totally chaotic month of November, God is still in control and oh so amazing.

What are you thankful for?

  • I am thankful for my family who keep me sane during all the stress.
  • I am thankful for the roof over our heads, while it needs updates, it keeps us safe from the snow that's falling outside right now.
  • I am thankful for Homeschooling, this month when I didn't have the energy to do school, we still got lots of learning done anyhow.
The list can go on and on, but I am just thankful that God is our provider and he cares for each of us as his own, since that kinda sums it all up.

Friday, November 16, 2007

One Down, One to go

Ok, this blog has taken a totally different direction than I was prepared for. When I started writing down what my life was about, I was not planning on a recurrence of the PTC.

Yesterday I had my opthamology appointment. It was interesting to say the least. I discovered I really do know my body pretty well, when he called Dr. Silverman to give him the report, he said exactly what I was prepared for, the swelling has not gone away, but he can not tell how new it is since it appears more chronic than acute (Perhaps that's from having it diagnosed for 9 years)
I also learned that I have some minor permanent vision loss, the best they can get my glasses now is 20/25 and 20/30, while still not bad, this is the first time they have not been able to get it down to 20/20.
Overall it was not a bad appointment, Long, yes, bad no. He wants to follow up in a year and continue to monitor the papilledema as well, which figures, lol....I was supposed to be following that all along except that I was allowed to see an optometrist and they don't check as thoroughly because its beyond their scope of expertise and he couldn't see anything, oops.

So on Tuesday, I finish up my tests that Dr. Silverman ordered and next Monday I find out what they found. In the meantime, we are taking some time off of school so that I don't get too frustrated with BUG. We will start again in January with real school, right now, Bug is enjoying doing a lot of reading, but that's about the extent of it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I had my appointment yesterday morning, I know nothing more than I did before I went in.
I was a bit nervous, every time you get a new doctor you are putting your trust in someone you do not know and I have had quite a variety of mixed responses from new docs. This time I was quite amazed and impressed.

He listened well, answered and asked lots of questions, seemed to genuinely care about what was going on and understand that this is more of a preventative before its too late rather than anything else.
He is sending me for some tests, an EEG, no clue why, but I am not going to stress over it as its such an easy thing and if its not the PTC than it may help figure out what is causing them.
He is also doing Visual Evoked Potentials, this should be interesting as I have never had that done before, he said its basically like my visual fields that I had had before except its how the brain registers it rather than anything else. I also get to see an Opthamologist on Thursday. Then I follow up again on the 26th of November.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Yesterday we visited the in-laws, I had forgotten til Saturday morning that we were supposed to go; DH really struggles to associate in any way with his family so this was not something he was looking forward to... I on the other hand, try to make the best and actually enjoy the visits (DH enjoys them too, he just does not see it while we are there)

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose, can we say a Cold? My whole family has been sick this month so I do not know why I thought I would be exempted. I do not really feel sick and because of that I am keeping my neurology appointment in the morning, I just will have to remind him that I do know the difference between a sinus headache and a PTC style headache, lol.

Remember to take care of yourself before everyone else so you don't end up needing taken care of.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Grocery Shopping

Tomorrow is grocery day, I am spending a minimum of $40 and that's just meat.
My favorite meat market has not had a good sale in a while, but when they have good sales, they have REALLY good sales. Tomorrow I am picking up $19.90 worth of Boneless Skinless Chicken breast, ten pounds.
I am also picking up 10 pounds of Ground Chuck for the same 19.90, not bad. I will spend most of Saturday packaging for the freezer, and preparing meals ahead. I have this wonderful cookbook called Don't Panic, Dinner's in the Freezer, so far, every meal we have made out of there has been a hit, granted I do NOT cook things I know my family wont like either though.

I have a 20 meal plan that we rotate through, we do try new recipes occasionally as well as I have some Lazy days and make something out of a box but that is extremely rare anymore and we do go out too much too, but we are trying to curb that down to once a week.
I also have to go to the Three local grocery stores as well, this week they are having good stock up sales. By the time I am done this week, all I will need is to hit Sam's for my bulk purchases and we will be good for the month, Maybe longer.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

What's on Your Plate?

I had a menu all planned out for this week, but for some odd reason, I don't seriously see us using ANY of it, so I am starting over.

Last night, we enjoyed Mexican Monday at one of our favorite mexican fast food places (the one who uses REAL food)

Today is Election day, we are going to enjoy a nice pot of Chili. I will be putting half of the leftovers in the freezer for a lazy day, the other half will be part of Tomorrow's dinner.

Wednesday, Taco Salad with the leftover Chili, I just use Lettuce, Doritos, and salsa.

Thursday, Baked barbecue chicken, Corn and Mashed Potatoes

Friday, Homemade Pizza

Monday, November 5, 2007

Lazy or Convenient

Today Bug and I made what I am calling Bread Machine starters. I have only used my bread machine once due to the time it takes me to get all of the ingredients into the machine (I know its supposedly more convenient, but I am lazy and it takes motivation to use any tool, and lately, I lack ANY motivation to use ANYTHING)

Today I had a bit of energy, something I haven't had a lot of lately, actually I cant remember the last time I felt good before late evening. So I took advantage today. I got things done, Dishes, School prep, school sort, Bug even did school and has done extra today. Then since I was still feeling pretty okay, I decided that the bread machine saves us significantly, so I was going to make some kits so I can just Throw it together. Now, when I want to make a loaf, I put in 1cup plus 2Tbsp of Water, 1 Tbsp soft butter, and the mix, then drop in two and a half teaspoons of Yeast punch in basic, medium, and start, and 3 hours later, I have bread.

My kits (I got 5 loaves of bread out of 1 5lb bag of flour) consist of 3 cups Flour, 1 Tbsp, Powdered milk, 2Tbsp Sugar, and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

How much Time do you Have?

We have NO time, are you surprised?

Church today was about Moses, and trusting God when he gives us instructions to Leave what we are comfortable and Go where we may not be comfortable or even know where our provisions are going to come from.

Last night when I was sitting in prayer, I had been thinking about a wonderful list I had found on another blog, it was about housework and time management for Mothers, anyhow, I had been really feeling convicted about how I manage my time, especially lately with being sick.

Needless to say, I started working through the list one item at a time to sort out my priorities. I included two bible reading times in my day, but both were to read to Bug. I really don't feel that's enough, nor is it appropriate. So I started praying about time, we have no time, its all God's time. He wants ALL of us, All of our Family, all of our Time, All of our finances, he truly is Lord of All.
I realize that my prayer time is not on my schedule, not that I don't pray daily, but I never included it on my schedule. I spend the last half hour to hour before I come to bed in prayer and praise. I listen to All Worship (my favorite Satellite radio station on sky Angel) and spend that time in prayer.
I seem to pray better while listening to worship music, don't know why, but it really helps me immensely.

You can listen to my current favorite worship song Here.
Its amazing how a song can touch you so much in just moments.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

God Has Not Given Us

A spirit of fear. But he has given unto us, a spirit of Love, a spirit of Power, and of strong mind.

I am not going hunting to figure out exactly where that comes from this morning, but the reality is, God is not the one who allows us to be overcome with fear, stress, or worry. That is our lack of faith as we prepare for what we are about to embark upon.

For me, its starting over with a new doc.
For you, it could be anything, life is full of new unknowns.
While they remain unknown to us, our heavenly father though, knows all, sees all, and is there to hold his children as they go through these trials and tribulations.

Only our God cares enough to do that, not a one of our friends or family care that much about us, though often they would like us to think they care that much (its impossible)

Monday, October 29, 2007

No News is Good News

But, when you get news from a doctors office, its generally NOT good news.

Sunday mornings are not the days I ever would have expected to hear from the doctors office, but that's the time they called. My follow up has been changed, its not appearing to be my shunt after all. OK, I realize that may sound like Good news, but in reality its not.

I suffered for 111 months for them to find an original diagnosis. Granted, I continued to live my life, graduated High school, went to college, worked, made friends....some that last a lifetime...But, I was in pain of varying intensities the whole time. In 1998 that wise PA helped me immensely. A diagnosis meant a treatment that would at least ease the pain a bit.

1999 brought the optic nerve sheath fenestration, 2000 brought me another week in the hospital as did 2001 The shunt was the first long lasting relief. So finding out that that's not the problem means we get to see what exactly the problem happens to be. I get to start anew with a new Neurologist, and who knows what will come. My faith in doctors has always been a bit shaky. After all, they are only human, and don't comprehend everything about all problems.

My easy fix has become complicated and I don't even know how complicated it will be.
Will keep ya posted.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Biblical helps for Obedience

After a really rough start to our week, we read the Keys for Kids, I love their topical index on obedience, first we read the Bird Cage, then looked up several supporting stories.
Then we read Kids for Truth about Jesus being our advocate and learning how Christ is the ONLY way we can be forgiven for our sins.

We also covered the wonderful dynamation of the Dyna Box on Kids for Truth. The lessons made quite the impact. Bug truly wants to be good now and has been much better lately as well.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Battles that Noone Win

Today Bug is back to herself alright, 100% normal, OBSTINATE, Ornery, Crabby, whiny, you name it she is being awful, or at least she was.

Days like today make me wonder how any mom can parent a child with any type of disability be it learning, mental, or Physical.
She really wore me out.
Tantrum after tantrum after tantrum. She is smart, she knows what she is doing but every little thing seems to bother her and set her off.
She can not, or will not sit still for even a moment.
The work is too hard (its Kindergarten work Lesson 35, she has been working the book since....JUNE or so and has only gotten 34 lessons done.)
There is too much work, its just too much to get done (its 2 work sheets and two reading sheets)

Ok now we are talking a child who is reading at 2nd grade level most of the time. Who is quite capable of doing 1st grade math and phonics, her writing, yes, that is a true struggle for her but everything else she was asked to do is well within her abilities with very little actual challenge.

How do I know its not challenging for her? When we went over it, making sure she understood the instructions, she did EVERY single Math problem without even thinking about it.
She can write every single letter of the alphabet without a challenge, but doing it for work....well it was Just too hard, and took 45 minutes to write 12 Capital letter A's and 12 small letter a's
of those 24 letters, 8 of them were Traced.

She had a meltdown about an hour and a half ago now, which she promptly FELL ASLEEP after.
The math sheet sits on the clipboard colored (not in the right places because that's a silly way to add) but none of the work is done.

The stress of dealing with her does not help me at all. I am just too tired and would so love to just take a break from my life at this moment...However, that's just not possible.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

How Glad I am.

Yesterday Bug was back to feeling better and today, I could not have been more thrilled. Today was one of the worst days I have had with my PTC in over 15 years. I can not even compare the pain today of those days back when I was diagnosed and could not even walk in a straight line.

I think I have just been spoiled rotten by the pain free years my shunt did give me.
You know its bad when I go buy Advil (and I know its not strong enough to do anything more than dull the pain a little)

I read a blog and one day she described a migraine, my first thought was how awesome of a job she did sitting in my body. Unfortunately, the difference between a Migraine and a PTC headache is that PTC headaches do not tend to get better with time.

Why oh why did I procrastinate so in taking care of this. My dear friend in Idaho mentioned that I had been speaking of it for over a year...she tried to get me to listen to myself, but I was too stubborn.
When I looked at it on paper filling out the paperwork to go to the neurosurgeon, it actually scared me. Shunt Failure usually occurs within the first 4 years, I guess my problems started back then, but I was too stubborn to notice. The headaches have actually been here for nearly 4 years....I pawned the earliest signs off as stress due to the infertility. The more regular and noticeable headaches arrived more than 18 months ago and closer to two years than that. That puts the first signs at 2 years after placement the consistent ones at the 4 year mark, and constant headaches began almost to the day on the 6 year anniversary. My was I foolish.

I am so grateful to serve a graceful God who wont look at my stubborn streak and say....hey, you brought this upon yourself, like we as parents tend to say when our children make obvious mistakes in judgement.

10 days til Follow up.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

All Better

I love short lived sicknesses. Yesterday is over, Today is a new day and all is well. Bugs fever broke and she is feeling fine this morning.

Friday, October 19, 2007

My Baby does Not feel well

Today has been the worlds LONGEST day, Bug is not feeling well. She woke up at 4am thinking she was going to vomit, she did not but she was certainly not feeling herself.

How do you prove a little one who is not vomiting is not feeling well? This child is normally SOOOOOO active, lol. She reminds me a bit of the energizer bunny, going and going and going. Today, she did NOT go.

At 4am, she woke us up, we got her calmed down, gave her a quarter dose of pepto to help with the upset tummy. She went back to sleep, very restlessly but to sleep nonetheless. Then at 5:30am, she woke up to tell daddy bye gave him a hug, and went back to sleep.

By 7am, she was sleeping in my bed cuddled up to me til about 9am when I got up and did some stuff around here.

She woke up and watched some tv but fell back in and out of sleep til 1:30pm, at which time she chose to come lay on the couch she had a bowl of oatmeal and by 5p, was back out again. Hopefully tomorrow she will wake up feeling refreshed and be back to her normal over energetic self.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

God is my Strength

Well as I posted on Tuesday, my tests were yesterday.
It was a very long day, results wont be in til next week. I am not too concerned about them saying anything different than what I expect.

My mom watched Bug in the waiting room, and of course, because it was NOT me with her, she actually behaved. Gotta love kids.

We got to the hospital at about 11:30 or so, which was a good thing because we spent a LOT of time waiting, first for registration (only about 10 minutes) Then for the MRI, which was 45 minutes LATE then for the CT scan, which I waited longer than the test took, then the X-Rays, which took longer than the CT, MRI and all the waiting put together. I was totally baffled that a few x-rays could be so agitating.
A spinal tap would have given clearer answers faster.

I have always said though that God works through the tests and the doctors appointments and just overall has been working through the PTC ever since before we even knew what it was, he did it again.
This time, it was a conversation between the X-Ray tech and I, which I suppose is why the X-Rays took so long, God had a testimony to be shared, and that even included the part about the suffering now not being half as bad as before.
He had asked the innocent question of why I had a shunt, easy question. Turns out his wife has the same symptoms due to another condition, her neurologist REFUSES to refer her to a Neurosurgeon because he doesn't think they would be willing to even think about putting a shunt in because she has some fluid flow (I had SOME fluid flow, just not enough to keep the pressure down) So I got to share my docs info, the fact that even with a potential failure, we did have 4 full pain free years and its not nearly as bad as it got before (the headaches become debilitating if your pressures get too high, which I cant do now with the BUG)
So God is allowing me to go through this because he wants others to benefit. It definitely makes the suffering a lot easier.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Big Day

Tomorrow is it, its test day.
This afternoon I took the pregnancy test to verify that we are not pregnant, it came out exactly as suspected. Tomorrow morning my mom is coming down to spend the day with Bug. We will head out to the hospital about 11:15am or so, my MRI is scheduled for noon and the CT scan at 1, then I get to have the shunt series of X-Rays I will probably come home glowing in the dark, lol.

My follow up with Dr. Pieper is on October 31st. Hopefully it will be clear that the shunt is not working properly so that it can be fixed without trying to figure out why else the headaches came back.

I know, I know, it sounds silly to actually want a problem, but I have more faith that God fix the problem because he has done so before than I do to go through figuring out a new problem.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Taking a Step of Faith

After lots of prayer and discussing with DH I have decided to do another Blog on what I find frugal. A lot of people ask me how I do this or that, and That is where I will share our frugal journey.
I never thought of my family as poor let alone poverty level til I ran across a really cool blog a few months back where she was talking about living on just barely over what my DH makes and in an area with an extremely high cost of living index. So I looked up ours, OUCH, reality Check, no wonder my in laws were treating us like a charity made me feel really good that I had pulled the plug on them doing our taxes as I don't like them knowing what we don't make, especially since over the last 3 years it has only gone DOWN.

It amazes me daily though. Our wages have gone down, our Bills, well they went up, but our God never fails. He has provided way more than we could ever ask or even comprehend when we had NO clue how we were going to make it, he made it. God Always makes a way for those who have faith in him.
How else could I be a stay at homeschooling mom? God had to provide the way.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

He Takes my Breath Away

Have you ever been totally amazed by God? Have you ever been truly to the point of amazement by who God is that you can say "He Takes My Breath Away"?

In church this morning we had a tremendous outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I love when God moves and the sermon, well, it changes.
We never opened out bibles this morning. God took over during the music and it was just an amazing service.
The message ended up being about Seeing God in You.
Are you Who you say you are?
When you are around others, do they see you or Christ?
It was amazing to realize that so often, We don't want others looking at us because we aren't living up to HIS Potential. We are afraid of what others see in us because its usually not what we want them to see.

We serve an Awesome God, and I want him to rub off on me, so that when people are around me, all they can see is him.

Since church this morning, this song has been going through my head over and over again. If I knew how to share the music for this I would, the song is absolutely beautiful and Very powerful. Enjoy.

The Beauty of The Lord

Jesus Your love Has come one step closer
I will trust That You will never let me go
Jesus Your love Has won me over
All my trust Has found no other
I will declare the beauty of the Lord
Nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away
I'm living everyday for the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away

Music and lyrics by Jared Anderson
©2004 Vertical Worship Songs
CCLI# 4221045

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Some days things just dont Go your way.

Yesterday was NOT a good day. Bug locked me out of the house, misbehaved ALL day just one thing after the other. Now granted, it was only about 3 hours of Horribly annoying behaviour, but it was 3 hours too much.

So, last evening after a homemade dinner of Chicken Cordon Bleu and baked Potatoes (yummy) we went to her room, and Sorted toys, I have an entire trashbag that will be heading out to the shed (along with 4 totes of stuff, sheesh we have ALOT of stuff....I figure if we aren't pregnant by June, I will be having a rummage Sale or going to a mom to mom sale to get rid of it all).

Anyhow, we got rid of alot of stuffed animals, I feel so much better about reducing our clutter. We also got a vacuum and will be sucking out the gazillions of micro beads that are all over the floor thanks to an explosion of a microbead stuffed Slime from Daddy's video game.

Over the next few weeks we will be getting her room in more and more of the order I want it in...I will not allow her to keep a room like ours was kept when we were kids.

On to today. Today is my parents 34th anniversary. I called to congratulate Dad and wish mom the best in putting up with dad for another 34 years. Actually though they have had rough times, I applaud them, divorce has become so rampant when I was in school I was one of a very few kids who actually lived in a two parent household. You can not quit just because things aren't easy.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Today I feel pretty good about what has gotten done.
The housework, well its not done, but Bug got played with and is happy.
We are NOT going out to eat tonight, we are having Meatloaf, Macaroni and Cheese and Broccoli, and I put a second meatloaf mixture in the freezer.

School, well Bug has been working on learning about fractions (gotta love unschooling, go with the flow) so that's what we did. Its nice right now being she would only be in Kindergarten since its not mandatory and she is already learning things that most 3rd graders barely understand.

Last night I went grocery shopping, I feel so accomplished I got 8lbs of Chicken 9lbs ground beef and lots and lots of other things to make wonderful meals for the month of October, Meals will include Steak Sandwiches, Quesadillas, Enchiladas, Meatloaf (obviously) Spaghetti, Chimichangas, Chicken Cordon Bleu, Chicken Kiev, Chili, Taco soup, Chicken Tortilla Soup, Pizza, Pepperoni bread, and Stir fry.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Tuesday in Review

Basic review. School, Bug did Math, more math, and more math. She did Horizons lesson 32 I think it was, and 3 sheets of skip counting practice. She labeled 3 pages worth of rainforest animals and read a book.

Me, ugh. I almost have the grocery list planned for tomorrows shopping trip. I planned a menu to help prevent the fast food runs. And we went to the bowling alley with DH. I hate that place. It just is so miserable there, I think part of it is because its a church league that sounds more like a cursing league or maybe it has to do with the fact that its 30 minutes away and with rare exception, we never get home before ten (tonight was that rare exception too)

Anyhoo. I am tired, Bed is calling my name. I think I am going to heed its call.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Today was a Good day

This morning Bug did school, we tried out some KidWriting, that I learned about through one of the K websites I was looking up. It didn't go over very well because she is picky about getting things right (no guessing allowed) but she tried, came very close, and well, had fun.

She worked on math and Read a rain forest book as well.

Then she played, just what a Kindergartner needs to do. But the best part, lol, she was good.

I got to talk to a really good friend of mine, we hadn't talked in a while since yahoo decided we were supposed to be mad at each other (it wasn't allowing our messages to get to the other party) Ugh.

As for my house. We ate at home, and I got the dishes done (now I have to redo them because we had Ice Cream, but there is a lot less to do now).

Good night

Sunday, October 7, 2007

I love my job

Ok, ok, I know my job is being a mother and wife, but I love my job.

Today, DH and I had a fight, nothing huge, just a typical married couple squabble. But, I love my husband.

Today Bug, well, she has been a PAIN today, she has been careless, leaving things on and about and just plain not listening. But, I love my daughter.

I do not like keeping house, I am not good at it. My house can be clean and DH will find the one thing that is out of place (usually its under his feet) its so discouraging that no matter how clean it is, someone will step on something or trip over something or whatnot.

I am not a good cook. While I am good at organizing meals on paper....sometimes, I am not very good at cooking. I have a few specialties that taste wonderful, but most meals I make, well, they get eaten, but they aren't impressive, today however, wow.
I made what I thought were going to be Simple steak sandwiches. I got the idea off of THIS site, but I doctored it to meet our needs. Basically, I didn't toast the buns. I added mushrooms and Provolone cheese, and I used less than 1/3 of the butter. I also did not season the meat with anything more than Nature's Seasoning and Worcestershire sauce. It was Absolutely wonderful. my cube steaks though were more like ground beef (they were a little too Cubed, lol) But Everyone ate and was happy, now, we are STUFFED. I hate getting that way, lol, but it was yummy nonetheless, oh ya, and mine only used 3/4lb of meat.

Tomorrow we are going to be working through a few lessons on the Rain forest for School for bug, because mom had two bad days last week and we will be locked in the bedroom because its the room with the AC. Its October, its not supposed to be 82 at almost 8pm, let alone 82 period, yesterday, today and tomorrow it has been and will be nearly 90. I don't like that in the summer, this is even worse.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Gifts and How To Occupy a Child

We are currently counting down til my tests 11 days away.
So I have been filling my time trying to figure out what Bug will do while we wait.
My mom will be with her, but Bug is very independent, and since they will be at the hospital with me, I have been hunting down things for her to do.

Now, my Bug is very artistic, she has drawn some Fabulous pictures, one day, when I master the scanner, I will post some (but that's not today, lol)
She also loves stamps and other random arts and crafty things. This week, sometime when DH can stay with her, I am going to go up to the local teacher supply store (I love that place) and I will get her some stamps (ten to be precise) I will also pick up some other little surprises spending a max of $10.

Now I know that to some $10 seems like a lot to spend on a child just for something to occupy them, but since we don't do easter, christmas, or halloween (the major gift holidays) we have the privilege of gifting whenever we deem it appropriate. This year we went a little wild for her birthday, getting her more than we normally spend, but we did upgrade her bedroom to a Big Girl room as well...We could have spent it either as a gift or not, it still would have been spent.

For other gifts, we usually try to get something that the other has wanted a while, DH has gotten Amateur Radio Equipment, I usually get something practical as well (usually organizational stuff, because it makes me smile) But for Bug, we try to steer clear of bulky toys and keep it in the Useful things. Currently, the toy she has that she plays with the most was a small giraffe she got from Kroger "because it looked lonely and needed a home" but even that had to wait THREE weeks before it came home with us (and it was only $2.99) The other things she plays with are Lincoln Logs, PlayDoh, and Markers, crayons, chalks and stamps...yes, the last one is all one since they stay together as a set, she also has a spiral bound notebook that stays with that so she can draw whenever the urge hits.

Do your kids need the greatest in toy fashion? Do they even know it exists? My daughter watches Qubo, it gives her her Veggie tales, but its basically the only time she sees commercials for "stuff" and she asks for it all. Does she need it? Nope. Will she use it if we were to buy it? Maybe once or twice...she is easily bored with stuff. Did we teach her that stuff is boring? Nope.
What we did teach her though, is that Books are fun, The library is Great. It is more important to DO then to Buy. And that God gives us wonderful things that are much more precious than a toy that lasts but a moment.

Now, lest you think my child is toyless you must remember, she has Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles. They provide more than enough toys, mostly ones that are Specifically picked off of our desires because people are learning that we really do only ask for what will be used. I am grateful that they listen on that part, Now to figure out how to get them to respect that we WILL NOT ALLOW her to go Trick or Treating.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

This is going to be a cross between a ramble and other random thoughts.
Today was what is known in our house as a "What a day!"

This morning Bug fought me on every level of school, I have heard that "I need a break" more than I can possibly bear. I am to the point where I want to do something fun with her and after 5 minutes tell her I need a break. Its beyond ridiculous.
She wasn't even dressed til daddy walked in the door at almost 3pm. It was a what a day.

In the morning my cousin called. Ok, I have heard from them precisely ONCE since I have been married. And that was because his oldest daughter is having headaches, boy do I understand that, LOL. They may stop by for a visit though on Saturday. His Aunt passed away this week and Friday is the funeral. It will be nice to see them, DH has never met them, last I saw him was when his grandpa died, I went to the funeral specifically for his mom. She was my favorite when I was growing up, I even spent parts of my summer vacations with their family.

Then I enjoyed a relaxing evening made dinner at home (Go Me, Thats 3 this week, and its only Thursday) and watched my CBS drama evening.

I love what a days that go this well at the end.
Good Night

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Omnivorous and Endangered

Who would think my five year old would know what Omnivorous means? We are having so much fun learning about the rain forest. So far she has done her first graph based off of a picture. She had a lot of fun sorting the Mammals, Reptiles, Birds and insects off of the cover page in The Great Kapok Tree.
She also colored a picture of the rain forest, has read the books twice, we have several more rounds to go. Today she learned that an Iguana is Omnivorous and grows between 4 and 6 feet, that The Emerald Tree Boa kills his prey by squeezing and grows to 8 feet long. And That the Green Tree Boa is endangered, and eats small animals and birds.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Lonely Children

I heard the funniest comment today while at our Homeschool Playgroup.

Bug and I were there with another lady and her two boys. Our children were happily playing with every and any child that came into the play place without thought to the fact that they weren't there to play with them. I have witnessed this same kind of behavior both at our 6 and Under play group that meets at McDonald play place, as well as groups at the Park and anywhere else we may go.

This grandma was there with her grandson he appeared to be between 5 and 6 years old. She looks over at us, since he is running away from our kids not having a clue how to interact with these children that could care less that he doesn't know how, they just want to play, and says "you can tell which ones are only children just by their behavior" I nearly spit out my drink, my Bug acts nothing like a lonely child when we are out and about, the only time I can tell that she is an only is when we are at home and she is in the midst of another meltdown. Even the meltdowns don't occur nearly as often as I feel like they do.

Barring the comment from the ignorant grandma it felt so good to get to be around another mom, and Bug enjoyed playing with the boys. My aim is to make it to most of these since they are only every other week (and they are the only group function we can afford right now)

Sunday, September 30, 2007

October Plan

Tomorrow starts the Book It program for our home school. The K requirements seem way too low to us, especially since Bug has been reading daily for over a year now and she reads way more than the 15 and 20 minutes that they recommend for the K goals.
So, we are actually going to add comprehension to it. She will read her books and explain or narrate them back to me, I expect her to choose Level 3 or higher for her free reading at least 3 days a week. Oh how I love the Library.

We are going to be working on a Notebook/Lap book on the Rain forest this month. We have 4 books on the Rain forest and a lot of fun projects in store. I will try to post pictures as they are completed (or at least what we get done each week)

Our Math will be her K Horizons lessons 31-62 for the month.
Happy October.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Can You be Both?

Can you be both an Organized Person and a Messy Person?
I have some rooms in my house that are terrifying. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to keep them clean.
In those rooms, I have very organized areas. I love tinkering with them, organizing, sorting, purging, sorting then putting things into neat, clean, well organized Homes, be it containers, crates, bins, tubs, or just on shelves.

I have been like this my entire life, I have certain areas in every room that I would like to throw out and start over again as well as hyper organized areas (Bugs toy Bin that will be moving BACK upstairs is one of those Hyper organized areas) She has each of her categories of toys in their own tubs, several of those tubs actually have smaller containers separating more categories (arts and crafts cubbies...anyone?)

How do I get the organizing side to win over the messy side of me? I do not like being an Organized Messy. While I can find things without a thought more than 90% of the time, how do I get past that clutter, that seems to breed when I am not looking?

My Goal is to eventually be able to have people com into my house that are not family without being embarrassed. Currently, My Mom and MIL are the only two I don't completely freak out over entering my home. Unfortunately, that's because Neither of those women were successful housekeepers either, and I know my home is neater than theirs was.

All of my rooms are 15 minutes from clean, so why do the OTHER in laws only give me 5 minutes worth of warning before they show up? Ahh, well, its improving day by day.

God Please give me the Grace to help me Get it mastered so that I might be able to train the Bug to not keep a disastrous house when she is old enough.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Appointments are All made

What a whirlwind these last few days have been.
I did not anticipate ever having to go through these things again.
I do not know why it seems so scary this time, its routine testing, making sure I am ok. My family deserves to know that I will be ok, they need me.

After all, if I am sick, who will listen to the Bug read and applaud her improvements. Yes, daddy would do that, but he is working to provide for us, if I cant take care of her, she would have to be put in school. YUCK.

Who would take care of DH, there are times where he just needs to be shown that he is appreciated. Now, now, I know I need those things too, but a woman really doesn't need as much as a man to be shown how appreciated we are. Yes, we love hearing it, but deep within, we know how they feel, men seem to need more reminders.

It doesn't matter, October 17th, I will have the shunt series of X-Rays to check positioning, The CT Scan for what reason I really don't know, lol, it says to check the shunt, but that one is kinda confusing to me. And lastly the MRI to verify there isn't anything new going on up there.
Honestly, I am surprised a Spinal Tap wont follow, she had said one, but its not on the list. I am at a crossroads on how I feel about that. On one hand, I HATE having that needle stuck in my back, but on the other hand, I KNOW that I need the Tap, I know my pressure is high, if I hadn't gone through this for what amounts to more than half of my life, maybe then I wouldn't be so positive, but I do know. So we wait and Pray, and Pray and wait.

Since I want the DX of shunt malfunction, you may ask, what are we praying for? I am praying that the pressure stays low enough that I don't end up in the ER before my appointments. A dear friend of mine, enlightened me yesterday that this has been going on for a year. Its getting progressively worse, and she is right, I put it off TOO long. I should have called about 6 months ago before it became constant. Instead, I tried rationalizing, that this is not happening again, and the headaches and sickness was caused by stress of raising a very needy little girl. Its not.

Now, for the big question, Why do I want this to come out as a shunt malfunction, instead of say, NOTHING. Well, its simple, if its a shunt malfunction, its easily fixed. Not painlessly, but easily. I have a great neurosurgeon, who put the shunt in, he is even rated among the best by his colleagues. I trust him. What I don't trust, or have the time for, is having to look for what else could be causing all of these symptoms. They are all directly related to the PTC, including a lot of newer symptoms that I did not have before. Its easier to treat the known, and the unknown is just terrifying and more so when you are in pain.

I will know more of whats going on October 31st, after my follow up appointment.