Monday, October 29, 2007

No News is Good News

But, when you get news from a doctors office, its generally NOT good news.

Sunday mornings are not the days I ever would have expected to hear from the doctors office, but that's the time they called. My follow up has been changed, its not appearing to be my shunt after all. OK, I realize that may sound like Good news, but in reality its not.

I suffered for 111 months for them to find an original diagnosis. Granted, I continued to live my life, graduated High school, went to college, worked, made friends....some that last a lifetime...But, I was in pain of varying intensities the whole time. In 1998 that wise PA helped me immensely. A diagnosis meant a treatment that would at least ease the pain a bit.

1999 brought the optic nerve sheath fenestration, 2000 brought me another week in the hospital as did 2001 The shunt was the first long lasting relief. So finding out that that's not the problem means we get to see what exactly the problem happens to be. I get to start anew with a new Neurologist, and who knows what will come. My faith in doctors has always been a bit shaky. After all, they are only human, and don't comprehend everything about all problems.

My easy fix has become complicated and I don't even know how complicated it will be.
Will keep ya posted.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Biblical helps for Obedience

After a really rough start to our week, we read the Keys for Kids, I love their topical index on obedience, first we read the Bird Cage, then looked up several supporting stories.
Then we read Kids for Truth about Jesus being our advocate and learning how Christ is the ONLY way we can be forgiven for our sins.

We also covered the wonderful dynamation of the Dyna Box on Kids for Truth. The lessons made quite the impact. Bug truly wants to be good now and has been much better lately as well.

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Battles that Noone Win

Today Bug is back to herself alright, 100% normal, OBSTINATE, Ornery, Crabby, whiny, you name it she is being awful, or at least she was.

Days like today make me wonder how any mom can parent a child with any type of disability be it learning, mental, or Physical.
She really wore me out.
Tantrum after tantrum after tantrum. She is smart, she knows what she is doing but every little thing seems to bother her and set her off.
She can not, or will not sit still for even a moment.
The work is too hard (its Kindergarten work Lesson 35, she has been working the book since....JUNE or so and has only gotten 34 lessons done.)
There is too much work, its just too much to get done (its 2 work sheets and two reading sheets)

Ok now we are talking a child who is reading at 2nd grade level most of the time. Who is quite capable of doing 1st grade math and phonics, her writing, yes, that is a true struggle for her but everything else she was asked to do is well within her abilities with very little actual challenge.

How do I know its not challenging for her? When we went over it, making sure she understood the instructions, she did EVERY single Math problem without even thinking about it.
She can write every single letter of the alphabet without a challenge, but doing it for work....well it was Just too hard, and took 45 minutes to write 12 Capital letter A's and 12 small letter a's
of those 24 letters, 8 of them were Traced.

She had a meltdown about an hour and a half ago now, which she promptly FELL ASLEEP after.
The math sheet sits on the clipboard colored (not in the right places because that's a silly way to add) but none of the work is done.

The stress of dealing with her does not help me at all. I am just too tired and would so love to just take a break from my life at this moment...However, that's just not possible.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

How Glad I am.

Yesterday Bug was back to feeling better and today, I could not have been more thrilled. Today was one of the worst days I have had with my PTC in over 15 years. I can not even compare the pain today of those days back when I was diagnosed and could not even walk in a straight line.

I think I have just been spoiled rotten by the pain free years my shunt did give me.
You know its bad when I go buy Advil (and I know its not strong enough to do anything more than dull the pain a little)

I read a blog and one day she described a migraine, my first thought was how awesome of a job she did sitting in my body. Unfortunately, the difference between a Migraine and a PTC headache is that PTC headaches do not tend to get better with time.

Why oh why did I procrastinate so in taking care of this. My dear friend in Idaho mentioned that I had been speaking of it for over a year...she tried to get me to listen to myself, but I was too stubborn.
When I looked at it on paper filling out the paperwork to go to the neurosurgeon, it actually scared me. Shunt Failure usually occurs within the first 4 years, I guess my problems started back then, but I was too stubborn to notice. The headaches have actually been here for nearly 4 years....I pawned the earliest signs off as stress due to the infertility. The more regular and noticeable headaches arrived more than 18 months ago and closer to two years than that. That puts the first signs at 2 years after placement the consistent ones at the 4 year mark, and constant headaches began almost to the day on the 6 year anniversary. My was I foolish.

I am so grateful to serve a graceful God who wont look at my stubborn streak and say....hey, you brought this upon yourself, like we as parents tend to say when our children make obvious mistakes in judgement.

10 days til Follow up.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

All Better

I love short lived sicknesses. Yesterday is over, Today is a new day and all is well. Bugs fever broke and she is feeling fine this morning.

Friday, October 19, 2007

My Baby does Not feel well

Today has been the worlds LONGEST day, Bug is not feeling well. She woke up at 4am thinking she was going to vomit, she did not but she was certainly not feeling herself.

How do you prove a little one who is not vomiting is not feeling well? This child is normally SOOOOOO active, lol. She reminds me a bit of the energizer bunny, going and going and going. Today, she did NOT go.

At 4am, she woke us up, we got her calmed down, gave her a quarter dose of pepto to help with the upset tummy. She went back to sleep, very restlessly but to sleep nonetheless. Then at 5:30am, she woke up to tell daddy bye gave him a hug, and went back to sleep.

By 7am, she was sleeping in my bed cuddled up to me til about 9am when I got up and did some stuff around here.

She woke up and watched some tv but fell back in and out of sleep til 1:30pm, at which time she chose to come lay on the couch she had a bowl of oatmeal and by 5p, was back out again. Hopefully tomorrow she will wake up feeling refreshed and be back to her normal over energetic self.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

God is my Strength

Well as I posted on Tuesday, my tests were yesterday.
It was a very long day, results wont be in til next week. I am not too concerned about them saying anything different than what I expect.

My mom watched Bug in the waiting room, and of course, because it was NOT me with her, she actually behaved. Gotta love kids.

We got to the hospital at about 11:30 or so, which was a good thing because we spent a LOT of time waiting, first for registration (only about 10 minutes) Then for the MRI, which was 45 minutes LATE then for the CT scan, which I waited longer than the test took, then the X-Rays, which took longer than the CT, MRI and all the waiting put together. I was totally baffled that a few x-rays could be so agitating.
A spinal tap would have given clearer answers faster.

I have always said though that God works through the tests and the doctors appointments and just overall has been working through the PTC ever since before we even knew what it was, he did it again.
This time, it was a conversation between the X-Ray tech and I, which I suppose is why the X-Rays took so long, God had a testimony to be shared, and that even included the part about the suffering now not being half as bad as before.
He had asked the innocent question of why I had a shunt, easy question. Turns out his wife has the same symptoms due to another condition, her neurologist REFUSES to refer her to a Neurosurgeon because he doesn't think they would be willing to even think about putting a shunt in because she has some fluid flow (I had SOME fluid flow, just not enough to keep the pressure down) So I got to share my docs info, the fact that even with a potential failure, we did have 4 full pain free years and its not nearly as bad as it got before (the headaches become debilitating if your pressures get too high, which I cant do now with the BUG)
So God is allowing me to go through this because he wants others to benefit. It definitely makes the suffering a lot easier.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Big Day

Tomorrow is it, its test day.
This afternoon I took the pregnancy test to verify that we are not pregnant, it came out exactly as suspected. Tomorrow morning my mom is coming down to spend the day with Bug. We will head out to the hospital about 11:15am or so, my MRI is scheduled for noon and the CT scan at 1, then I get to have the shunt series of X-Rays I will probably come home glowing in the dark, lol.

My follow up with Dr. Pieper is on October 31st. Hopefully it will be clear that the shunt is not working properly so that it can be fixed without trying to figure out why else the headaches came back.

I know, I know, it sounds silly to actually want a problem, but I have more faith that God fix the problem because he has done so before than I do to go through figuring out a new problem.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Taking a Step of Faith

After lots of prayer and discussing with DH I have decided to do another Blog on what I find frugal. A lot of people ask me how I do this or that, and That is where I will share our frugal journey.
I never thought of my family as poor let alone poverty level til I ran across a really cool blog a few months back where she was talking about living on just barely over what my DH makes and in an area with an extremely high cost of living index. So I looked up ours, OUCH, reality Check, no wonder my in laws were treating us like a charity made me feel really good that I had pulled the plug on them doing our taxes as I don't like them knowing what we don't make, especially since over the last 3 years it has only gone DOWN.

It amazes me daily though. Our wages have gone down, our Bills, well they went up, but our God never fails. He has provided way more than we could ever ask or even comprehend when we had NO clue how we were going to make it, he made it. God Always makes a way for those who have faith in him.
How else could I be a stay at homeschooling mom? God had to provide the way.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

He Takes my Breath Away

Have you ever been totally amazed by God? Have you ever been truly to the point of amazement by who God is that you can say "He Takes My Breath Away"?

In church this morning we had a tremendous outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I love when God moves and the sermon, well, it changes.
We never opened out bibles this morning. God took over during the music and it was just an amazing service.
The message ended up being about Seeing God in You.
Are you Who you say you are?
When you are around others, do they see you or Christ?
It was amazing to realize that so often, We don't want others looking at us because we aren't living up to HIS Potential. We are afraid of what others see in us because its usually not what we want them to see.

We serve an Awesome God, and I want him to rub off on me, so that when people are around me, all they can see is him.

Since church this morning, this song has been going through my head over and over again. If I knew how to share the music for this I would, the song is absolutely beautiful and Very powerful. Enjoy.

The Beauty of The Lord

Jesus Your love Has come one step closer
I will trust That You will never let me go
Jesus Your love Has won me over
All my trust Has found no other
I will declare the beauty of the Lord
Nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away
I'm living everyday for the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away

Music and lyrics by Jared Anderson
©2004 Vertical Worship Songs
CCLI# 4221045

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Some days things just dont Go your way.

Yesterday was NOT a good day. Bug locked me out of the house, misbehaved ALL day just one thing after the other. Now granted, it was only about 3 hours of Horribly annoying behaviour, but it was 3 hours too much.

So, last evening after a homemade dinner of Chicken Cordon Bleu and baked Potatoes (yummy) we went to her room, and Sorted toys, I have an entire trashbag that will be heading out to the shed (along with 4 totes of stuff, sheesh we have ALOT of stuff....I figure if we aren't pregnant by June, I will be having a rummage Sale or going to a mom to mom sale to get rid of it all).

Anyhow, we got rid of alot of stuffed animals, I feel so much better about reducing our clutter. We also got a vacuum and will be sucking out the gazillions of micro beads that are all over the floor thanks to an explosion of a microbead stuffed Slime from Daddy's video game.

Over the next few weeks we will be getting her room in more and more of the order I want it in...I will not allow her to keep a room like ours was kept when we were kids.

On to today. Today is my parents 34th anniversary. I called to congratulate Dad and wish mom the best in putting up with dad for another 34 years. Actually though they have had rough times, I applaud them, divorce has become so rampant when I was in school I was one of a very few kids who actually lived in a two parent household. You can not quit just because things aren't easy.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Today I feel pretty good about what has gotten done.
The housework, well its not done, but Bug got played with and is happy.
We are NOT going out to eat tonight, we are having Meatloaf, Macaroni and Cheese and Broccoli, and I put a second meatloaf mixture in the freezer.

School, well Bug has been working on learning about fractions (gotta love unschooling, go with the flow) so that's what we did. Its nice right now being she would only be in Kindergarten since its not mandatory and she is already learning things that most 3rd graders barely understand.

Last night I went grocery shopping, I feel so accomplished I got 8lbs of Chicken 9lbs ground beef and lots and lots of other things to make wonderful meals for the month of October, Meals will include Steak Sandwiches, Quesadillas, Enchiladas, Meatloaf (obviously) Spaghetti, Chimichangas, Chicken Cordon Bleu, Chicken Kiev, Chili, Taco soup, Chicken Tortilla Soup, Pizza, Pepperoni bread, and Stir fry.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Tuesday in Review

Basic review. School, Bug did Math, more math, and more math. She did Horizons lesson 32 I think it was, and 3 sheets of skip counting practice. She labeled 3 pages worth of rainforest animals and read a book.

Me, ugh. I almost have the grocery list planned for tomorrows shopping trip. I planned a menu to help prevent the fast food runs. And we went to the bowling alley with DH. I hate that place. It just is so miserable there, I think part of it is because its a church league that sounds more like a cursing league or maybe it has to do with the fact that its 30 minutes away and with rare exception, we never get home before ten (tonight was that rare exception too)

Anyhoo. I am tired, Bed is calling my name. I think I am going to heed its call.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Today was a Good day

This morning Bug did school, we tried out some KidWriting, that I learned about through one of the K websites I was looking up. It didn't go over very well because she is picky about getting things right (no guessing allowed) but she tried, came very close, and well, had fun.

She worked on math and Read a rain forest book as well.

Then she played, just what a Kindergartner needs to do. But the best part, lol, she was good.

I got to talk to a really good friend of mine, we hadn't talked in a while since yahoo decided we were supposed to be mad at each other (it wasn't allowing our messages to get to the other party) Ugh.

As for my house. We ate at home, and I got the dishes done (now I have to redo them because we had Ice Cream, but there is a lot less to do now).

Good night

Sunday, October 7, 2007

I love my job

Ok, ok, I know my job is being a mother and wife, but I love my job.

Today, DH and I had a fight, nothing huge, just a typical married couple squabble. But, I love my husband.

Today Bug, well, she has been a PAIN today, she has been careless, leaving things on and about and just plain not listening. But, I love my daughter.

I do not like keeping house, I am not good at it. My house can be clean and DH will find the one thing that is out of place (usually its under his feet) its so discouraging that no matter how clean it is, someone will step on something or trip over something or whatnot.

I am not a good cook. While I am good at organizing meals on paper....sometimes, I am not very good at cooking. I have a few specialties that taste wonderful, but most meals I make, well, they get eaten, but they aren't impressive, today however, wow.
I made what I thought were going to be Simple steak sandwiches. I got the idea off of THIS site, but I doctored it to meet our needs. Basically, I didn't toast the buns. I added mushrooms and Provolone cheese, and I used less than 1/3 of the butter. I also did not season the meat with anything more than Nature's Seasoning and Worcestershire sauce. It was Absolutely wonderful. my cube steaks though were more like ground beef (they were a little too Cubed, lol) But Everyone ate and was happy, now, we are STUFFED. I hate getting that way, lol, but it was yummy nonetheless, oh ya, and mine only used 3/4lb of meat.

Tomorrow we are going to be working through a few lessons on the Rain forest for School for bug, because mom had two bad days last week and we will be locked in the bedroom because its the room with the AC. Its October, its not supposed to be 82 at almost 8pm, let alone 82 period, yesterday, today and tomorrow it has been and will be nearly 90. I don't like that in the summer, this is even worse.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Gifts and How To Occupy a Child

We are currently counting down til my tests 11 days away.
So I have been filling my time trying to figure out what Bug will do while we wait.
My mom will be with her, but Bug is very independent, and since they will be at the hospital with me, I have been hunting down things for her to do.

Now, my Bug is very artistic, she has drawn some Fabulous pictures, one day, when I master the scanner, I will post some (but that's not today, lol)
She also loves stamps and other random arts and crafty things. This week, sometime when DH can stay with her, I am going to go up to the local teacher supply store (I love that place) and I will get her some stamps (ten to be precise) I will also pick up some other little surprises spending a max of $10.

Now I know that to some $10 seems like a lot to spend on a child just for something to occupy them, but since we don't do easter, christmas, or halloween (the major gift holidays) we have the privilege of gifting whenever we deem it appropriate. This year we went a little wild for her birthday, getting her more than we normally spend, but we did upgrade her bedroom to a Big Girl room as well...We could have spent it either as a gift or not, it still would have been spent.

For other gifts, we usually try to get something that the other has wanted a while, DH has gotten Amateur Radio Equipment, I usually get something practical as well (usually organizational stuff, because it makes me smile) But for Bug, we try to steer clear of bulky toys and keep it in the Useful things. Currently, the toy she has that she plays with the most was a small giraffe she got from Kroger "because it looked lonely and needed a home" but even that had to wait THREE weeks before it came home with us (and it was only $2.99) The other things she plays with are Lincoln Logs, PlayDoh, and Markers, crayons, chalks and stamps...yes, the last one is all one since they stay together as a set, she also has a spiral bound notebook that stays with that so she can draw whenever the urge hits.

Do your kids need the greatest in toy fashion? Do they even know it exists? My daughter watches Qubo, it gives her her Veggie tales, but its basically the only time she sees commercials for "stuff" and she asks for it all. Does she need it? Nope. Will she use it if we were to buy it? Maybe once or twice...she is easily bored with stuff. Did we teach her that stuff is boring? Nope.
What we did teach her though, is that Books are fun, The library is Great. It is more important to DO then to Buy. And that God gives us wonderful things that are much more precious than a toy that lasts but a moment.

Now, lest you think my child is toyless you must remember, she has Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles. They provide more than enough toys, mostly ones that are Specifically picked off of our desires because people are learning that we really do only ask for what will be used. I am grateful that they listen on that part, Now to figure out how to get them to respect that we WILL NOT ALLOW her to go Trick or Treating.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

This is going to be a cross between a ramble and other random thoughts.
Today was what is known in our house as a "What a day!"

This morning Bug fought me on every level of school, I have heard that "I need a break" more than I can possibly bear. I am to the point where I want to do something fun with her and after 5 minutes tell her I need a break. Its beyond ridiculous.
She wasn't even dressed til daddy walked in the door at almost 3pm. It was a what a day.

In the morning my cousin called. Ok, I have heard from them precisely ONCE since I have been married. And that was because his oldest daughter is having headaches, boy do I understand that, LOL. They may stop by for a visit though on Saturday. His Aunt passed away this week and Friday is the funeral. It will be nice to see them, DH has never met them, last I saw him was when his grandpa died, I went to the funeral specifically for his mom. She was my favorite when I was growing up, I even spent parts of my summer vacations with their family.

Then I enjoyed a relaxing evening made dinner at home (Go Me, Thats 3 this week, and its only Thursday) and watched my CBS drama evening.

I love what a days that go this well at the end.
Good Night

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Omnivorous and Endangered

Who would think my five year old would know what Omnivorous means? We are having so much fun learning about the rain forest. So far she has done her first graph based off of a picture. She had a lot of fun sorting the Mammals, Reptiles, Birds and insects off of the cover page in The Great Kapok Tree.
She also colored a picture of the rain forest, has read the books twice, we have several more rounds to go. Today she learned that an Iguana is Omnivorous and grows between 4 and 6 feet, that The Emerald Tree Boa kills his prey by squeezing and grows to 8 feet long. And That the Green Tree Boa is endangered, and eats small animals and birds.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Lonely Children

I heard the funniest comment today while at our Homeschool Playgroup.

Bug and I were there with another lady and her two boys. Our children were happily playing with every and any child that came into the play place without thought to the fact that they weren't there to play with them. I have witnessed this same kind of behavior both at our 6 and Under play group that meets at McDonald play place, as well as groups at the Park and anywhere else we may go.

This grandma was there with her grandson he appeared to be between 5 and 6 years old. She looks over at us, since he is running away from our kids not having a clue how to interact with these children that could care less that he doesn't know how, they just want to play, and says "you can tell which ones are only children just by their behavior" I nearly spit out my drink, my Bug acts nothing like a lonely child when we are out and about, the only time I can tell that she is an only is when we are at home and she is in the midst of another meltdown. Even the meltdowns don't occur nearly as often as I feel like they do.

Barring the comment from the ignorant grandma it felt so good to get to be around another mom, and Bug enjoyed playing with the boys. My aim is to make it to most of these since they are only every other week (and they are the only group function we can afford right now)