Today was not as bad as the rest of the week has been…my head has been worse than ever this week, no way around that... and I don't expect a change throughout the winter. I am more concerned for a few friends going through this than about myself with the PTC because this has been my life for so long, I know I will survive, but one, her daughter was recently diagnosed, and while she is in remission, no mom wants to see their child suffer the same thing they have, and the other is really just struggling to keep it together while her family suffers from her health... both of these families truly understand what I go through on a daily basis, while I have never met either of them personally, both are Christians and know that without faith this journey would be truly impossible.
Church today was really amazing, in the past I would completely skip the month of December because of the complications the Holidays cause in our family... I am starting to wonder if as Lauren grows that might not be a good idea anyhow.
While service was truly amazing, the message touched neither right where I needed it most, nothing holiday related, I got out to discover stuff that I really do not want nor need to deal with. Lauren and her closest friend are not in agreement about Christmas, because obviously we are not in the majority that does not put up a tree, I do not know if there are others who don't, but we have NEVER put up a tree in her lifetime, or in our marriage.
In our studies this year we were learning where the tree came from, and we studied the Ten Commandments, and well, The two intertwined and it really boiled down and equated to idol worship, needless to say, she is a logical child, and when asked why we do not have a tree, she answered that we do not put up idols in our house. OUCH..., I did not think about it deeply, because we were here last year and no one asked HER why we don't do it... so I didn't think she would be asked this year either. I figured they all knew, most of the parents were aware of the facts that we didn't celebrate, so I basically didn't push it… Lauren does not bring up the topic, she used to ask for a tree and was taught about it because the in-laws keep pushing that our beliefs are wrong... while Boniface claimed the tree as a symbol of Christ, we don't believe that Christ needs a symbol, it replaced a Tree with another tree, and basically, any symbol for Christ is a replacement for him and a stand in instead of worshipping him. I grew up in a church which had a really hard time with people following a man instead of God, many people left the church when the pastor did things that they did not like, because they were following him and he had become their idol. My in-laws spend more time decorating for the holidays and it brings them nothing, there is no joy in their home... If Christ is the reason for the Season, then why, WHY, are people penniless because they overspent?
Why are children busy thinking about what they want? Isn't it supposed to be a season of giving, not of getting?
I am sorry, I may sound very judgmental, but so often, when I see December roll around, I actually regret it, because it brings a lot of sadness to my heart. I Love November, Thanksgiving is my All Time Favorite Holiday, Followed by Independence Day (Which Happens to Be Chris's Birthday) and Memorial Day (our Anniversary many years) and Then Labor Day because it's the start of fall in my mind... religious holidays followed by the church don't serve much meaning because they should be respected and remembered year round.
We teach Lauren about Jesus Birth and Death Together. They are a summary of events that all work together and while they happened 30 years apart the lesson of salvation and who he is comes together best when you connect his birth with his death.