Tuesday, June 15, 2010


This month has been a physical and emotional see saw and its only half over.

We did our financial paperwork for the sliding scale at my primary care doctors office and because Chris's unemployment is officially up this week, I had to turn in some extra papers while we WAIT on the government to decide what they are going to do about the last extension (somehow we were blessed and he actually had one more week, not sure if I miscalculated or what, but what a HUGE blessing it is) Anyhow… I had to turn in those extra papers on Friday, we still have not heard if he will even be approved for the 20 week extension probably because the government hasn't decided if they are going to keep doing it or not (I so am not happy how they are playing with this, if they discontinue it so many bad things WILL happen, there are about 5 people out of work for every 1 job that is available, Chris has gotten 3 interviews for I don't know how many hundreds of applications he has turned in, but 3 interviews in 18 months, but he put that time to good use and is almost done with a degree in Accounting)

My body though is also playing on a See Saw, Last week, Monday I was weak and felt sick all day, Tuesday I felt normal (my normal, not normal people normal) Wednesday I was fine, weak but fine, Thursday I puked all morning and was sicker than I don't know what, Friday, you would have No clue that I had been sick, back to being my normal sick, Saturday we had humidity that nearly killed me, I passed out in the living room and I literally prayed for God to take me home the pain was so unrealistically unbearable. Sunday started off HORRIBLE, I took my shower went to church and the humidity broke with the weather and I felt GREAT, my usual pain is up around a 12 most days on average, no 10s here, my doc doesn't even ask anymore, he knows that my good days are what would have his typical patients begging for narcotics, yet I am on NONE…but Sunday was about a 4 day until probably 3pm, yes, I made it through about half of the graduation party before I started climbing the scale, and I was there til 5:30pm and then went to Kroger after, I got home a little after 6:15pm by 7:30 I still I had not hit an 8, a very unusual rare happening, we are talking Miracle of all miracles day here. I was so elated. I came home, put groceries away, let Lauren play for a bit, and relaxed…then is started to hit…Uhm Uh OH… I Over DID it…

HA… 9pm…yikes, I feel really sick, take meds, drink, lay down Lauren cuddles than goes to bed Chris gets home, THANK GOD he is home safe, Uh OH!! I can't sleep, like tonight its almost 2am and I am still awake, but I am oh so exhausted, my body aches my head feels like those commercials for sinus meds, but OH how I wish this was sinuses, or even a simple migraine, I can't hold my head up, I lie down using support on my neck, I cry quietly in pain, that hurts too, my CPAP mask HURTS today, It's too much pressure on my head, but without it I can't breathe right, my neck is screaming, my head weighs too much, I turn it to crack it, it pops about half a dozen times, turn the other way, same thing, but no relief. I get to sleep…but its fitful cause of the pain, I wake up, everyone is crabby, I feel like I haven't slept at all, Chris enlightens me, its 12:45pm I TRY to sit up, I fall back down, try again, same thing, I ask what the humidity and weather is outside…Not really needing to know, my body is clearly telling me its VERY humid today and its going to be a bad head day. I manage on the 4th try to get up and get to the bathroom, Tears run down my face, I just slept half the day and I still feel horrible, my family needs me awake and I am barely able to move.

It scares them to see me so weak yet so many days are like this anymore. If I do not have an appointment, I do not wake up, I have to have an alarm set or I sleep, it is rare for me to wake up, either that or I have such insomnia I am awake til 5-6am, then I get no sleep and its even worse. Neither works….if my see saw ride continues, tomorrow should be a good day, here's hoping, but I need a few more good days

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