An Interesting Day

Yesterday we came home from Church and Lauren wasn't acting right, she took a nap that lasted nearly all day… a low grade fever but No other symptoms, slept all night, still no real sick symptoms says she feels fine, she is just tired…Hmm, Mama doesn't buy that, but I will let her sleep until she FEELS better anyhow.

 

Today I get up, follow my routine, she gets up, and by noon she is napping again, and she slept until after 5, yea, at 8 she is still up, but guess what, she is going to bed within the hour, and she will be ok. The low-grade temp has broken; she is sipping chamomile tea and is feeling a bit better.

 

On the other hand of the day I checked my face-book I catch up with a few friends on there and got a scare of my life, my darling cousin posts that she will miss an aunt on there…Hmm, I call family, I knew she was in hospice (she is significantly older, mid 90's but, I had spoken to her grandson earlier this week, and was positive I would have gotten a call if she had passed, NOT read it online…anyhow, when I called my parents, no one knew what was going on, and an aunt had asked in reply to her post…so a lot of mess had to be cleaned up… It made me grateful I used common sense and called my family instead of sending a sympathetic email to my cousin (her grandson whom I talk to) The cousin who posted that she would be missed was not close to her or her family, I on the other hand talk to her children and grandchildren and was practically raised with them…so I really needed to step back and pray for a lot of wisdom on how to handle the situation today.

 

I was extremely stressed out…I know the 6 degrees of separation seems to really show a lot of things for a lot of people, but for me it hit home a lot, I easily could have read that, my grandmothers sister had died, and sent sympathies to two people whom I am close to, Her daughter (whom is already under a lot of stress (her husband just had Heart Bypass surgery a couple weeks ago and has recently lost part of a foot or maybe both feet (I don't recall since the story that has been passed on has been complicated by getting the info from 3 different people and she has been at the hospital and nursing home with him) and her Grandson, my cousin... I talk to my cousin periodically, I don't talk to his mom as often, but his mom is who led my dad to the Lord, who introduced me to Church, and really helped make me who I am.

This very sweet woman is still alive; her children are with her, hospice is there, I pray she has come to know true salvation, beyond religion. Her husband passed about 5-6 years ago, so she is definitely ready to go, I just found the face book post offensive since it was tacky and even more so when I discovered trying to hunt down when she died….that she was STILL alive…I am so GLAD I did not wish her child (fortunately, I am not close to her other children or I might not have had some forethought) or grandchildren

 

Well In other thoughts,
After having a VERY rough morning, I had a good afternoon, got some stuff accomplished, and now my evening is running on empty I am tired and worn out, I did A LOT of stuff while I felt good and dummy me forgot that my body can only do so much….so when I uhm uhm finished my projects…I started HURTING, lol…Oh well…I will survive.

Bed-ridden? Maybe that should say Couch-ridden?

For the first time in about 5 weeks I have only left the couch about 4 times today. Usually my pain follows this wonderful little tool on www.weather.com under the aches and pains tabs for arthritis and other ailments that normal people have, but for some reason, this month…well, it hasn't.

Almost daily I have struggled through the pain, but I keep trying to do what needs to be done.

We have started our winter break from school, Lauren is helping with Thanksgiving preparations, we are having a small Family only Thanksgiving, and by family only I mean just the 3 of us…my in-laws want to get together on Saturday or Sunday, Sunday is off limits (I can't handle multiple things in a day) and I am not holding my breath on Saturday since it will all be hinged on how I feel after Thursday (and I am not depriving my family of Thanksgiving dinner ON Thanksgiving)

We will be having a simple healthy Thanksgiving this year, in the past I went all out and made the FULL meal, but this year we are incorporating parts of it into our education and this will be Home-economics for Bug, she will be helping make the meals and will be learning How to stretch Tom as in "Toy Story" from so many years ago "to Infinity and beyond" lol.

Our dinner Thursday will consist of Tom the Turkey, a 21lb bird, purchased for $2 after all discounts were applied from Meijer, Real Mashed Potatoes for Chris, and Jarred Gravy (Since I want stuffing and he does not, I am only mashing 2 potatoes, saves waste, AND temptation) I cheat on stuffing, I doctor stovetop Sage by adding Celery and Onion and use Broth instead of water and bake it, I have been making it this way for 5 years, since Bug and I are the only stuffing eaters, and we only eat it with turkey, I don't mind using the boxed stuff (it's the same as jarred gravy, we don't use gravy with mashed potatoes the rest of the year, but I do have a recipe for Cider au jus that I want to try next time I get some GOOD cider)

For Veggies, We have our Garlic Green Beans, I will also make cranberry relish (Sugar free raspberry jell-o added to Canned Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce, Walnuts, celery and a Whole seeded apple (recipe calls for pineapple, but that's higher in sugar, so I substitute) I freeze all leftovers

I’d Rather Have the Flu

Ok, frankly I am getting tired of feeling sick and whiny, I do not remember the last day I felt good, and Honestly, if I wasn't married to the most wonderful husband God had picked out for me (isn't it great when you have to quantify that statement because your readers would argue the best man in the world statement because they all have wonderful husbands too?) I wouldn't be able to smile, it makes my head hurt worse.

 

I do not remember the pain being this relentless for this long since I was in my early teens perhaps about 14ish maybe 15 right about the time I had my first Spinal Tap, so right about the time my pressures started going haywire…just a hypothetical here, but my guess, that's probably about the time the Chiari started acting up but it was likely just a Chiari Zero then, and NEVER would have been caught all those years ago, so the PTC literally may have saved my life…either way, I am getting tired of being miserable and cranky all the time… All I want is a HUG and a Pillow and a shoulder to cry on, someone who understands…I have prayed, I have cried out and I have begged and PLEADED with God to take this away, OH Please, I am so sick and tired of People being Cliché, God will never give you more than you can handle, HA, yes he does, if he didn't, you would NEVER call on him…HE never said he wouldn't give you more than you could handle…He said "My Grace is Sufficient" He Said " Take Joy in your Suffering" HE SAYS, " I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me Strength" Ok, that one is the closest one I can fall back on during my trials and actually say Hey it's in the word…But I can't find a verse that says You won't give me more than I can handle… at least not in my King James Bible…I have looked… I believe he allows us to go through those trials as far as we can trust him to lead us, for him to strengthen us….when we have learned to lean FULLY on him, those trials, stay put or stop for a while, when we are ready, they begin or new ones begin again….without tests, there is no testimony.

Changes are Coming

Lauren is going to be thrilled to death… For the first time in our 5 year homeschooling history she will get a 6 week bookwork break for the Holidays—

We do not celebrate the holidays like normal people do, so we are going to be doing some major Holiday oriented Unit studies on why we do not celebrate them the way others do. We will be going over quite the variety of materials for Christmas, including the Ultimate gift.

 

We will also be limiting the number of TEXT books we will be using for her spring semester, I have NEVER liked using books, but this year was different and while we will finish the curriculum we have purchased, I do not think we will buy most of it again, we are not a text book family, and I can see its really held her learning back this year as I have been evaluating where she is and has been.

We started off this year supposed to be starting Second Grade, I did a placement test because we were starting a new curriculum and I wanted to place her in the appropriate level for their curriculum…Lo and Behold, she placed in 3^rd grade and a little higher in some subjects…I was a very happy mom. Unfortunately, while she started off gung ho and worked really efficiently in August, September moved a bit slower, by October I was hearing almost every day, This is boring and I don't like this work… before I get slammed with "you're the boss" comments or emails, remember, I know my child best, and I have looked at her work, I have looked at this work she is doing She is VERY justified in being bored with it and it's just not at her level in any way, even though the book says 3^rd grade some of them even as far as the 4^th month of 3^rd grade, they just do not hold her interest because they are mostly reading, she has been reading for 4 and a half years, I figured since these were 3^rd grade books there would be grammar and stuff in them by now, but this has barely covered nouns and she is bored to tears with basics still.

We will be switching gears to Note booking and using the resources in our text books for this next semester (and eliminating a lot of useless information that she already grasps…so, I will be doing A LOT of hands on work with her, but that's fine with me…it will be fun for us both) We will be doing ONE 2" Binder for 3^rd grade and I will decide if we will do a new one for each grade or what we will do, it will depend on how I like note booking and how it works for us basically, its lap booking simplified, so we will be taking a bit of time to work through a portfolio of sorts…if you read my earlier post, I feel God is leading my heart to prepare, for some reason I also feel at some time in the future he may be moving us and I am not sure where, but if he moves us to a not so home school friendly state, I need a portfolio ready to go, because those records need to be kept for them…yes, Michigan does not require them, but not every state is as blessed as we are.

 

So, Unit Studies, here we come, Math and Language Arts, Back to the Basics, Here we come, Everything else, can be covered in a unit study, I am not going to try to cover things in individual books, it's too much work and I felt we lost a lot of ground and school became a war, and Frankly, I prefer not fighting a war not worth fighting…She is a smart kid, VERY Smart, so why am I losing the battle here?

 

Prepare for the future

Frugal Bloggers Beware...

Ok, a lot has been on my mind, God has been once again laying preparedness on my heart.

The one thing that keeps coming back to my mind though is that my family is not that of just 3, but we have 2 feline companions and I do not feel we are to forget them in our preparing.

I read numerous weblogs that show frugal families monthly budgets which include pet food, but when you look at their stock ups, there is not a single months worth of surplus for their pets... and their oldest children are the age of my only child. This week then, I read this fabulous blog on living off her surplus for 2 full years (mind you this blogger does NOT claim to have pets, but still, they had to live off their food storage for two years, not a few extra weeks here or there)

So I have been thinking, Perhaps, while I am stocking my pantry, maybe we should put up an extra bag of food (we buy a 3 month supply for Zeke and Ebony to begin with) just in case, yes, much more than that would go rancid, but we do keep an extra case of litter so an extra container of food would make sense too…

I would love to learn to live entirely off of storage and am going to start planning meals using my stored food before grocery shopping and using the store to fill in gaps; fortunately I shop sales, use coupons and shop in unexpected places; Dollar General has awesome steals in their Non Perishable foods as do some of the dollar stores... at this point in our lives we have not used food pantries because we have not needed them as of yet. God has provided meat when there was no money, (free Buffalo came when finances didn't) I have always stocked sales when we had money, so even if it wasn't favorite veggies, they were there… (Green beans and broccoli run out before corn and mixed veggies) and I stock and rotate beans like there is no tomorrow and ROTEL tomatoes what I have is not nearly what most families even consider to be enough, but, it's a start. There is always something on hand to make Chili and various other concoctions but, sometimes you have to accept that it may not be what you are in the mood for.

The bad day that WILL NOT end

I am tired, I am crabby…and my day just does not seem to want to end today, or is it yesterday?

 

I have had the same headache that won't let up now for going on about 2 weeks (we won't get technical and call it as it REALLY is and say it's been over hum, almost 5 straight years, but we will just give since the last reprieve when I had a drop in level and had a good day slide in, with pain levels evening out, I think it was about 2 weeks ago…anyhow, I am not happy about the pain levels I have been in…its stressing my family to ridiculous levels.

Add in to that today I decided it would be fun to fall through the hole in the floor, mind you, that hole was not there BEFORE I decided it was time to take my shower and get ready for class today, I put it there by walking across the heat vent (which now needs replaced since I fell THROUGH it) Apparently in my graceful lack of balance my heel caught the edge of the vent, I broke about 6 of the slats that protect the vent (from what I am suddenly unsure of, since they certainly didn't protect it from me, nor me from it and now it is a danger to everyone who has to cross it, and wouldn't you know it's the one in the smack center of the house)

Anyhow, after 15 minutes of Chris trying to help me up and stepping on my foot to keep me from falling in the vent AGAIN, Loving husband he is he did' NOT want to see me fall in again…for that I am extremely grateful. I took my shower and headed to class, now, my bad leg has an added limp and is very sore, but I can't tell if I caused more damage or if I reinjured an old injury…needless to say, unless it becomes unbearable to walk on, I am NOT going to get it checked on, and if I do, it will just be the PCP, he will decide if I need to call my neuro and my rehab docs…Gotta love when I lose MY balance…funny thing, I stepped OVER stuff so I wouldn't fall and fell anyhow. I am so worn out from trying to stay healthy I think it's killing me.

Venting

As I sit here with my pounding headache thinking about today, I checked my email and became very frustrated.

 

I have come to the conclusion that I do NOT want a shunt regardless of what the recommendation comes at this point. I have done my homework. I have done the Long term research, Angela, an acquaintance in Columbus via a friend I have been praying for her daughter for more than 3 years now (since during her pregnancy) has PTC and has had multiple shunt surgeries LP and VP and the BEST hospital in the Midwest OSU Columbus, by the Best Surgeons, to remain nameless on this blog for personal reasons due to potential readership. Anyhow…Her headaches are back full force WITH a functioning shunt, My pressures went up to 38 with a functioning shunt… if the vision is intact, a shunt may not do any good at all and remission is totally possible without surgical intervention, I and MANY others have experienced it, in fact, my shunt was after having PTC for uhm 3 full years, yes, I had to treat my vision first, but the headaches I learned to live with…just like I am now. The Topamax relieves them somewhat, ya, I know, I am on disability, but get real, I have Chiari, and I have a partially paralyzed leg, It works when it wants to, and that's intermittent at best.

 

Today, did you wallow in the self pity of your pain or did you do something for someone else?

I know what I did… Do you want to know what I did?

I went and helped teach Children's Church like I do when necessary. We are working on the Beatitudes with our class of 7-9 year olds, they are making Memory cross Lap books and they are coming together nicely.

The lead teacher was getting a gift (just because she is a good friend, and to illustrate the concept of Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for Righteousness sake, for they shall be filled. I made a smelly Jelly jar…

We started with the Pre-fragranced smelly seeds (too much work to add fragrance there or later) and I added the little bit of seeds to the Pint Jar, and asked if it filled the jar, the kids all said NO!

Put a Tiny bit of water in and asked if God could fill us with that little bit? The seeds grew a little…, should have colored and taken pictures, but it was kinda improvised, not really planned ahead

Then we filled the jar with water and finished most of our crossed and looked at the jar before we left, the crystals had completely filled the jar in less than a half hour, the children were amazed that it took almost no time, and we explained that God fills us as completely as we let him too.

 

We can't wallow in whatever life throws at us, we have to move on and take what life gives us and move on. God can use whatever he blesses us with.

I don’t feel good

With the flu going around I had some second guessing to do, I thought that’s what was wrong with me, but alas, nope, just more side effects of my meds…I almost wish it was the flu, at least that…I know will come to an end.
I have felt pretty crappy for a while now, and its sometimes kinda depressing, today though, I was reading my emails, I am on a PTC support group, its not very supportive for me, afterall I have had this disease for more than 5x as long as most of the people on this list, and well, I know that from research these people with shunts are in the Honeymoon stage, the average shunt fails within the first 6-18 months, and most of them have not had them in for 6 months total (and many have had repeated failures already…no comment there) ANYHOW…its not a very good place for me to get support anyhow.

Knowing what I know about PTC, Knowing what I know about Chiari, Knowing what I know about shunts, and Praying God will allow me to get the decompression done sooner rather than later, yes, I know its in his timing, but I know the visions said the headaches would stop after the brain surgery, and I have suffered almost endlessly for nearly 20 years now….

So, Here I sit, I read her hopeless, helpless email and I was taken aback, GOD in his amazing way brought me back to his reality for my life RIGHT NOW…Where I am Right now.
I have been at the new church for almost a year, as a matter of fact in just two Sundays it will be a full year.
There is but one thing I miss from living down south…Current contemporary music…I have no musical talent, and have no idea where the music pastors at those churches get the current stuff, but these 3 songs I am about to put on here, REALLY helped me get through the first 5 weeks especially, when I couldn’t get out of the house on my own, let alone go to church or anywhere… NOW, when I feel down, I still go back to them, I rely on their words to bring me back to Gods promises, since often its music, like the Psalms that bring us closest to him when we need it most.

Cravings?

The Topamax seems to be working to help limit the intensity of the headaches, from a 12 to about a 9 most of the time, on a 10 scale…I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a big deal to me, I haven't been headache free in more than 5 years, and before that it was only for 3 years and then it had been what, 9+ years before that? Oh, I can't do the math anymore, either way, it has been LONG time that I have had a headache and the last time I was headache free Lauren was less than 2.

Topamax has a few side effects, one of which is weight loss, likely caused by nausea and upset stomach… ok, I think that may have something to do with intolerance of certain foods, I started back on it on October 7, 2009 at night, 100mg 2x a day, I LOVE chocolate, I LOVE carbs, I LOVE certain foods, I LOVED drinking Pop, All of those things have become virtually intolerable to me over the last few weeks.

When I eat chocolate even in small amounts, I feel deathly ill, My stomach just aches and while I don't feel guilty in the sense that I did something wrong, because I know I should never deprive myself of something because I will over indulge if I think it is to be totally off limits, it's ok to have it in moderation… but my stomach seems do disagree.

Carbs, in LOW moderation, VERY low, amounts I can somewhat handle, but they seem to make their exit faster than their entrance, Pop, tastes like I am drinking metal.

My discoveries…Meijer Fruitsations water, Generic version of Fruit2o, about $3 cheaper (frugal me on cheap income and water refusal, I do not like the taste of water unless it's REALLY cold, and even then, it's not my thing, only during the summer, I don't like it most of the time…just when I am thirsty for it…a weird thing, I do like it when I am out, and over juice or pop, but I do not like it over these flavored waters at all) However, this stuff can NOT be frozen like normal bottled water, it concentrates the sweeteners making it TOO sweet when you get to the bottom, so I invested in a water bottle I will load with Ice and top with a water bottle, 24 oz overall, it will stretch and thin, and I am hoping it will help raise my consumption a bit…and I supported Breast cancer, by buying my choice water bottle (it's a pink Breast cancer awareness bottle, with a straw)

I am also aiming for one protein shake a day at least…they are super sweet so I think I am going to try to thin them out a bit too (maybe I will use Milk Ice Cubes, or Ice milk)

 

 

Failed Chili and other mealy things

I have been making Chili since I was a little girl, it's a household favorite, I decided to try a new recipe though since we have become fond of Wendy's chili, NEVER AGAIN, it was so bland, I think Ketchup has more flavor, this tasted like Tomato soup with beans and hamburger, it was BLAND…

 

To salvage, I will package the soupy mess into quart bags, I should get maybe 8 bags, I will freeze them, when I pull them out, I will add a can of tomato w/green chilis , THANK You Aldi, 45 cents a can to salvage a meal I can afford, and more cumin and chili powder, I won't need to add anything else, there is lots of beans, meat, and saucy tomatoes, just no spice…

For a long time I made detailed recipes for chili and it took forever, It was good, but too much work, a few years ago before my surgery, I canned chili tomatoes, that year we had the BEST chili ever, I had tried canning salsa, but they came out chili tomatoes instead, it was too watery to be salsa, and thickened nicely in chili and all my recipes I use rotels in…and that's just about anything that's not spaghetti sauce.

We like Mexican cooking.

Two days ago, I made a Tortilla soup that I goofed on too, but that came out to die for, I forgot to add the carrots, lowered the carb count, when all was said and done, when I plugged the whole recipe into sparkpeople, the entire recipe had 308 calories, and that didn't count that it made an entire crock pot full. We skipped the tortillas, and used healthier choices…it all worked out much better, was flavorful spicy and delicious.

 

A week from today I have a Dessert to bring to a church dinner, I chose dessert because I can control what I am making carb wise, I have to watch what I am eating, and its hard to do when others are preparing, and its fall and Chris doesn't like my pumpkin mousse/cheesecake, I am not sure what it is… the recipe says its cheesecake, but I have edited it so much, its not really a cheesecake anymore, its more of a mousse, and I serve the crust on the side…For a dessert, an entire recipe that serves 16 only has 2,219 calories, 374 carbs, 45 grams of fat, and 71 grams of protein…now its not HEALTHY, per se, but if I had to choose, this is definitely a better choice, unfortunately most of its fat comes from cool whip, if only there were a healthy substitute for that texture…Hmm, now to think.

I Just HAVE to Share

I was thumbing through looking for some copy work for Lauren for this week and next, a dear friend of mine introduced us to Handwriting Without Tears, it's been a great help for us, BUT, it's not really enough writing that's not school related…she has her school work, and that's ok, but I wanted her to have something that was specifically more Handwriting for now, so I was looking for Copy work… but, most of the copy work I found was quotes from secularists, which I guess can be ok, if the child is older and doesn't ask who this is, or what this means, right now my 7 year old does not need to know what some of those quotes really mean…more importantly I can't explain them in a way that she can understand at this point in her life or mine…Ethics messes with the mind and confuses is…J

So Anyhow, I was looking for something that was Exclusively Bible verses…and I found this… The ABC's of the Bible, so Starting on Monday, We are Putting away our Handwriting Without Tears for a Month, and doing Copy Work, 26 Bible Verses worth.

This includes some verses she already knows, some she will be learning this month in Children's church, and some she recently learned in school and was Thrilled beyond thrilled to hear pastor mention in church this past Sunday…Being 7, her attention span is relatively short, I have always wondered how much she gets out of the service since the main question I get is…is it over yet…but this week I got the elbow in the hip, and she was so excited, I hushed her and she looks all dejected, and looks up at me, but mom, I KNOW that verse!, my heart melted, she had done it in school the week before in her bible book for class, and actually REMEMBERED.

So now our new Goal is 26 verses in 26 days, She will earn a reward if she can tell me all 26 verses and their locations at the end of the 26 days SHHH that's a secret, I want her to Hide God's word in her heart, so I may make this a monthly challenge, I liked memory verse challenges when I was a kid, and I always won them, although we had them in church against the other kids, we also had sword searches, which I would fail miserably now with my bible, parallel bibles don't work well for sword searches, two versions side by side make it so much harder, and Bible Trivia games, I knew God's word Backwards, Forwards and Inside out, unfortunately, it took going away to learn exactly what all that meant…I knew what I believed, but I didn't know why til I went to a school whose beliefs were different…not significantly different, but different enough that I had to learn where I stood…Now, I want Lauren to know not only WHAT she believes, But Why, I want her to Know the word Inside Out, backwards, Forwards, and I want her to be able to have that Faith that is unshakable, that I had just a year older than she is now.

Wow, I just realized, I have been a Christian since I was 6 years old, 1 year younger than she is now, my faith was firmed just one year older at 8, when my family became Christians, somehow its easier when you are not living a faith alone…Lauren has asked Jesus in her heart, But I do not think it's that firm faith, kind of like mine was not a firm faith at 6 years old, my actions did not prove I was a Christian at 6, but by 8 it was showing…, I was growing in God's word, I am hoping the same will come for her too. It's been 24 years. Amazing, and to think, all this changed because my dad did something wrong and my aunt took me to church, dad got arrested, and from that God got a hold of him and our WHOLE family dynamic changed.

He pulls us from the muck and the Mire, and molds us into the most beautiful pieces of pottery.

I love the story of the silversmith, when asked how you know how long to keep the silver in the fire, its right when you can see your reflection in it, God is that silversmith, and when he sees his reflection in us, Only then will we be taken from the fire… Lord, help him to see his reflection fast. This fire hurts.

Thanks for all the prayers

Today is much much better than yesterday was, I do not feel half dead today, and I actually have a little strength, not much but a little.

We worked on copy work for school, I need to find some good notebooking sheets for Lauren so that's my afternoon project, Chris's Tuesday/Thursday class has moved buildings, I do not particularly care for the location but the new parking location gives us a beautiful view to study fall and winter weather for science.

Lauren is not good at sentence writing, she just started writing full sentences recently, so we are going to use copy work and sentence starters to get her wheels turning.

I just read my favorite Blog Dishpan Dribble and today she has a post on cleaning house like a 12 year old, here I am doing exactly like she says, I get so easily distracted and have struggled with this all my life in so many ways and she posted this as if talking right to me, I felt so uhm, guilty, lol, I needed it.

I have never been taught how to clean, I do not even like having my in-laws in my home, my immediate family doesn't bother me, I have tried Flylady, I have tried Messy's Anonymous, I have tried numerous other methods of getting my house clean, I have had people come help me clean. It is an embarrassment.

 

I grew up in a home significantly worse than mine, we are talking, and my parent's house took nearly 3 days to prepare for even family to come visit. My parents even lost my sister and I due to the fact that they could not keep the house clean while we were growing up.

 

When I met Chris in 2000, his mom did not keep home either, she still doesn't, while I was not a great keeper of the home, she also did not keep her home well and he was not taught to keep up after himself either, so neither of us had good habits instilled in us at any point in our childhoods. When Lauren was born….Her house was so filthy he was not allowed to take her out of her car seat and place her anywhere but his lap, there was dog crap on the floor, not safe for babies, cats use litter boxes.

Now, 9 years later, I still haven't mastered keeping the home, I still am afraid to have people over, my house is still a struggle to maintain, I can never get it clean enough to make it presentable, and its shrunk over the years, over and over and over again.

I think reading that post really brought some light to my eyes, I have no structure to my schedule, with Lauren I do, I give her specific steps, ONE step at a time, at least with her, I do set certain steps and organize it one part at a time, I do not allow her to get distracted, NOW I have to teach ME not to get distracted. I am ashamed to admit, I still get distracted with all the things like that, But hopefully, thanks to Mrs. Darling, a wonderful Mom who has been a mentor in more ways than one to me, I have learned a lot from this wonderful woman, whom I have been reading for years all the way across the country, I hope I can continue to learn from her wisdom, She is the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman as the older women teaching the younger to be what God has called them to be.

Homeschooling Comfortably from the couch

Lauren is enjoying her day doing school while I am recovering from the massive affects of the nasty Topamax, gosh, I thought since we are on day 5 and the affects had been so mild up to this point, unlike last February, that I was going to have it easy this time, boy was I mistaken, ugh…today, I got lost 4 times in my own neighborhood, once heading home from the bank, once I missed a main street that I take to get to where we were going, then I missed the main road to head home, we stopped to grab some lunch and I nearly ended up on the expressway, after three bouts of getting lost, I was not about to risk missing my exit and ending up in Timbuktu.

This is nerve wracking, Chris and I are both stressed out, I am supposed to have class tonight, but I am staying home, my driving skills with the headaches being this bad are just not safe, I will email the instructor and let him know, he is cool, I will ask him to email the questions for next week and be praying that the affects level off by next week.

I will be upping my fluid intake by eating more soups this week, tomorrow I am making Chicken tortilla soup, minus the tortillas, basically a spicy Chicken soup, I will add lots of Peppers and Veggies, the spicy Peppers tend to help with the headaches some, not sure why, but they seem to. I think part of the reactions may be from dehydration as dehydration also seems to increase my pressures as well. It's a catch 22 and I lose either way.

I am so grateful for the ability to home school that I do not need to send Lauren off to someone else to educate her, when I am sick, no one needs to stand at a bus stop and wait for her, no one needs to make sure she is ready at the crack of dawn (noon is a wonderful time to start a day when things need to be done in the mornings, and 8 am is great other days, I love being able to be flexible)

I love how if we have things going on, we can school in the evening, instead of during the day, and when we go up north we can do school on vacation and never miss a beat, we can make a vacation of the lighthouses in Michigan (our plan is to eventually take a trip to every lighthouse in the state, maybe by the time she graduates, we will accomplish that mission.

2 days til my Half Way Point

Oh goodness, its been a Busy 8 weeks, In 2 days My Marketing class will be over, and I will be SO happy, did I ever mention I do NOT like Marketing AT ALL? I took this class online because I knew how hard it would be on me because I am not easy to be marketed to, I did not realize just how hard I am to be marketed to.

With the exception of the Homeschool stores Gizmos and Lakeshore (which are actually teacher stores not homeschool stores, but since I shop there and I homeschool, they became homeschool stores to me :-D or craft stores, I rarely ever buy anything specifically brand name, and this year was the first time I have EVER bought expensive curriculum for Lauren...EVER, up til this point, I had spent maybe $100 total all together in about 5 years of homeschooling, this year, because I did not know if I have an upcoming brain surgery or not, and I still don't know what Gods plans are, or when they will happen, I wanted to be prepared and bought full years, I will be doing this until I have the decompression and do not have to worry about recovering from traumatic surgery and I can work with at least some planning with her.

This project has been so hard, my brain is just so tired, they put me back on Topamax this week, the side effects haven't been half as bad as last time, I think the reason I got so sick last time is they upped my CPAP pressure from 10-17 the same Friday as they upped my Topamax from 50mg daily to 200mgs daily. I am also trying the Protein shakes at least once a day...
I did some research since all the docs want me to at least consider gastric bypass, I do NOT want to go that route, I just don't feel thats what I want to do at this point, but I will try the diet that goes with it and the combination of the protein heavy diet (basically the pre-op diet) and Topamax, which has the side effect of weight loss, partly cause you can't drink pop, lol and are always nauseas and light headed, but I can live with those this time, I can sit up and I don't feel like death warmed over this time around, we are on day 3, by day 3 last time, I wanted to just have God take me home.

So far, 3 days in, I have lost 6lbs, not bad for someone who struggles to walk down the steps to get out of the house, I miss having good balance, Hopefully when the medicare kicks in I can start Physical therapy again and work on some balance issues again...I think its the Chiari messing with my equilibrium.

The Bypass Diet recommends Flavored waters like Fruit2O, Thats stupid expensive, so I found Meijer and Aldi carry store brands, in Varied flavors, Lemon tastes OK over Ice, but Kinda like Glucose tollerance test drink without it, YUCK, the others aren't bad, 0 carbs, 0 calories, and I am actually getting in about 64 ounces a day, now 64 ounces is not much, but when you figure I was doing good to get in 16 before, thats doing REALLLY good for me....my short term goal is to drink 6-12 bottles a day. I have roughly 225 lbs I want off, so its a long road and in February I will see the endocrinologist and we will see what she thinks we need to do, we will also decide then who the next specialist we will see about my head...since at that point we will have insurance.

My next Dr Appointment is November 4th with Dr. Turner the Neurologist to see how the Topamax is working...Hopefully we will at that point be upping to 400mg daily,

Headaches Out of Control

School is overwhelming, but I am happy to be there, I had an ethics exam on Wednesday and a Marketing project due Monday, but whats getting the better of me, MY HEAD...I have not had a break from the headaches since mid August when school started...I am trying to do things regardless of the pain but I am finding more often than not I just want to sleep.

Poor Chris will rub out my neck muscles nightly but by morning they are right back where they started, sometimes worse than the evening before, no matter how much we try to relieve the pain it just keeps getting worse.

I do NOT want to go to the ER, but at the same time, I am running out of patience for dealing with constant pain and suffering.

Brings new light to what Christ went through on the cross, He suffered for us, and died, sometimes I wish that this was a terminal illness that it had an end sometime, because at least that way I would know there was an ending coming...right now I do not see an end, and that part scares me to death.

Ugh

Ok, I have had 3 Ethics classes, Love the teacher, but my body HATES the class...I don't know if its this class in particular or if I have gotten that much worse over the summer....I do not spend much time upright since I feel so run down ALL the time lately, so sitting upright for 3 hours listening to a semi interesting lecture/discussion...which I do participate in, by the way....is not so fun.

I have not felt well since day one, but I am feeling worse and worse as the days progress...today was REALLY rough, Chris and I fought ALOT this morning, to the point I nearly left him at Arby's...I do most of the driving. I just went and sat in the car and cried...man, he needs a job, or something...it was too much...he has been nitpicking at EVERYTHING, and I don't feel well enough for him to be nitpicking...then we fought about going out to eat, then about money, on and on it went ALL day long.

Then I went to class...and let him know I made it, then texted him at our break, and well he asked for Ice Cream, I am 45 minutes away at class and he can't make ice cream for him and Lauren???? He says he breaks the spoons, Like I care, I am not home make it yourself...he actually LET Lauren stay up so I could make them ice cream when I got home, I was beyond furious, so I really didn't talk to him much....He needs to GROW UP and grow up now.

So, My pain is compounded with the pain I am married to, the daughter who is insistant that she knows more than ANY and Every Adult in existance and well I am just tired of it all....

I need a few days off...and if I don't get them, I will likely wind up in the ER because my body will FORCE me to get that time...as it often does. Grr....GRRR

I feel like death warmed over

Ok, Ok, I know its been a week and last week was really busy, but I slept when I wasn't running Napping alot and I feel so sick its rediculous.
I just want to crawl under the covers and just not wake up anymore. Its TOO much.

And so it begins

Well with the first day of classes came the first day of Pain, ok not really, but I am miserable, I haven't felt this bad in a while, but we trudged on getting lots of done over the last two days...Now...I am ready for BED.

School Starts Tomorrow

Ugh, Fall Semester at school starts tomorrow. Somehow after last semester I am not looking forward to it nearly as much as I was in the Winter. I think part of me just thinks its going to be VERY hard on my system. I was doing so-so before I started school and went downhill rapidly after I started in January.

This semester, I am taking one online and one on campus class...Both start tomorrow. Ethics and Marketing. Ethics is on campus...so its a bit more stressful. We are homeschooling full time, we started 2 weeks ago and she is on her first break this week...til Thursday, but Thursday we are picking up some homeschool books (molly from the American Girls collection, or any other american girl...we will likely read through the whole series this semester and next)

Monday through Thursday for Lauren, and I will keep one day free from here on out. We may pick up a PE at the Y from Port Huron. I will talk to a friend and learn more about it....we will also be incorporating field trips....busy busy busy.

Oh Gee, Where do I start

...pain has been out of control in the heat, stress is abundant, but all in all God is Good, he has made things happen that didn't think were possible.

Monday we are going to can peaches with a friend. She has never canned before so I am going to have fun showing her and letting her taste the results. We will only do one or two canner loads.

School has kept us busy, although I think Lauren is going to be doing way more than a book a month if I don't find a way to slow her down...I don't really want to do that, so we will likely be adding in more stuff. She did a whole weeks worth of work almost again and its only Tuesday.

This week I hope to get to the fair too, I love the Armada country fair. I love seeing the animals and exhibits.

Tired now, my head is getting worse I think I am gonna head to bed early tonight.