Two More Days

I guess that would explain the sudden burst of stress. I have just two more days to get everything together for my surgery. I am not sure how "ready" I am. I know God is going to take care of me and my family. I know that he is going to provide great miracles in my health this year.

There is no doubt there, but I think just preparing your mind is not an easy task.
My time is set, the hospital called Monday morning to let me know the tentative time to be there and my tentative surgery time. 9am and 11am respectively, however, Dr. Pieper wants it to be the first surgery of the day, which mean that the time will probably change. I will know that Thursday afternoon though.

Today I have felt pretty miserable all day, I guess its a good thing that keeps happening, since it seems to directly coincide with when I get a bit chicken and think I want to call and cancel.
I downloaded Matt Redmans song You Never Let Go today. I love the lyrics to that.


You Can watch it here.

Changes

I am going back to school. While I love being a stay at home mom, Dh is not making enough to cut it. He is making enough to pay the bills BARELY. The stress has been affecting us in ways beyond comprehension.

After a LOT of prayer, we decided that after I recover I am going to apply to go back to school. It will basically be like starting over again which does not thrill me at all, but at the same time, I need to be able to be obedient to my husband. God actually laid it on my heart BEFORE he said anything.
Honestly I feel that when I finish school, DH will be staying home and homeschooling bug mostly instead of me. I handle stress better, I miss being around people and not just kid style people, lol, and overall, I have wanted to do something like this for a long time....just had to wait for God's perfect timing.

When DH and I talked about it the first time, I felt kinda bad, because I was not doing what I wanted to do, I had resolved to get a degree doing a desk job....while I liked that choice of work, I really felt like I was just doing it for the wrong reasons. I did not feel I was going back out of respect for him, I did not feel like I was going back because I wanted to help with the finances, it just felt wrong all the way around.
Well after much praying, knowing that I was supposed to go back to school, I just kept feeling it all the way around, in everything I did. Well, I prayed, asked God to tell me what I was supposed to be studying, (I had changed majors so many times I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do by this point, ten years after I left school) I sat down, and Thought of all I wanted to do, I am going back to my original education plan and going into nursing.

Well I have rambled long enough, I am excited, happy, thrilled, and I guess relieved. I don't have to worry about DH being too stressed over things much more.

I feel like a Quitter

I ended up calling off the fast early, by only a few days, but I ran out of strength to go on this week.

Tuesday I started feeling crummy, yesterday I started feeling sick, today I woke up with either a full blown allergy attack or something worse. Either way, with surgery next week, I can not go on vegetarian, I need to down some Chicken noodle soup, I need to get better so I can go through the surgery to be better for a Long time.

I feel like I gave up, but I know God understands. I am surprised I made it through 16 days though. God has really worked a lot in our lives here. There have been LOTS and lots of trials and tribulations in my house, but I can see how God has worked through them in amazing way.

I have prayed more in the last 3 weeks than ever before all at one time. Not that I don't pray regularly, but I was much more conscientious of it.

Anyhow, as I work at feeling better, tomorrow I call to schedule blood work and whatnot for surgery for next week. I am a bit anxious about that, but excited too. I know I will feel better VERY soon.

smooth sailing

We are doing much better now that we worked on attitudes this week. The in laws came down on Thursday to pick up my sister in laws gift for her baby shower. She behaved amazingly well. I was surprised after all we have been through, she did run and hide in her room because she was mad, but I think that's more of being 5 than the attitude.

School will restart this week, at a slower pace, more math, less phonics, and more reading.

We are also focused on clearing out the clutter of the house, Cleaning is my ultimate goal right now for Feb first.

On Hold

That is our First Grade Phonics program is taking a week or two off, probably even more than that, I will have to restart after surgery, we will review all we have learned, but I think we are going to slow down the pace A LOT, because we are having behavior issues.

Yesterday Lauren got stuck eating a peanut butter sandwich for dinner, ok, I know a Peanut butter sandwich isn't bad for her, but the reason she got to eat it is why we are slowing down her school. She decided, while I was cooking dinner, to go make a snack for her and daddy for just in case they got hungry...

We are having some major eating issues here if we are not busy all that child does is eat. Now, at least she makes pretty healthy choices, she doesn't nosh on cookies, candy, Popsicles, and other junk food, its generally fruit, veggies, and Peanut butter sandwiches. But a 5 year old only needs so much to eat in a day, and she is aiming to eat those amounts before lunch most days.

We are also going back and working on some hygiene and manners as they have once again gotten out of hand. One little slip up seems to turn into a constant battle fairly quickly.
Oh the things you learn as you raise your family.

As you know, by fasting and praying, the enemy decides its attack time. Dh and I have been fighting alot, neither of us felt like the other one really cared about them. Bug has been in more trouble than conceivable. I can feel God moving in our lives, but I can also feel Satan working overtime to get in the way.

We have been working through our school set up for January, Lauren is doing so well working through her first grade phonics. She has gotten to the 3rd week and the work is getting quite challenging for her, to the point where I may even split each lesson into two lessons, but that is the joy of homeschooling; I can do what works for her. She is working through two Kindergarten Math lessons per day too. If I break the Phonics into two we will add a 3rd math lesson though.

Her routine will need to be sound by the end of January though, We are down one week, and have two more complete weeks to get through first though.

Prayers Please

Today I found out that my cousins daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia. Her mom died when she was just a few months old of Brain cancer, so this is a hard one to take.

I do not know where her faith is, but God I ask that you help her deal with this, and I ask for all who read to pray for her as well.

Prayer

God has given us a tremendous blessing. He allows us to communicate with him.
Right now in our church we are having a time of fasting and prayer expecting God to do mighty things in our church, city, families, finances, health, etc.

This morning, pastor spoke about Joshua and how the priests carrying the Arc of the Covenant had to get their feet wet when Crossing the Jordan River. They did not know what was going to happen, all they knew is that they had to WALK in the Water. Walking through the water was not an easy thing, the Arc was very heavy, after all it was made of Gold. Often times God asks us to step into the water, to trust that he is going to provide the resources needed to get through to the next point.

Tonight, we prayed specifically for Healing and for Finances. We also prayed for our pastor, leadership, the women of the church, the youth and the children.
When we were praying for healing God gave me peace that he was in control of my health, yes, I still have to have my shunt replaced, but he will be there with me, yes, right now I feel like the woman with the issue of blood, but he is going to be there and take care of that too. He is the God of healing, perfectly capable of healing no matter what means he chooses.

Then we prayed for finances, Our finances are tighter than tight, yet, I knew God wanted me to remain a stay at home homeschooling mom, not going out to find work to help meet the needs. When pastor got to me, the things he said really really blessed me. God told him things when praying for our families finances that only God could know, I had been praying for Wisdom with how to handle the budget, He prayed for God to give me wisdom (I did not share anything I had been praying for) Then he prayed over my hands, Said they were creative hands, and that God was going to bless those hands in our finances.

I love when God confirms what we already feel. Its nice to know we are on track with him.

It's Official

Shunt is being replaced, Surgery scheduled for February 1, 2008, DH says the world is going to end based off off the fact that when the original went in it was 9-11.

Ironically, I am more nervous about leaving Lauren overnight than I am about having major surgery in which I know I can not have pain meds til the next day.

Its an added inspiration to get our schedule really worked out though so that my mom can do things with Lauren while I am in the hospital without needing to wonder what to do when. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, and we have a mere 28 days to get it, so I am going to have to be EXTRA diligent.
Its a good thing that God had already laid it on my heart to head that direction.
Starting on Monday we will begin our new Home school schedule, it will be a lot simpler than I had originally planned.

We will simply be doing the three R's plus phonics.
When I feel up to it, we will start the Weaver curriculum. I do not want to start something just to have to shelf it again until a later time.

When we decide what curriculum we will be using next year, since she has been working on both K and 1st stuff, we may be able to start her in some second grade material at that point as well.

Happy New Year?

If yesterday is a sign of how 2008 is going to be in our family, I am no longer looking forward to it AT ALL.

This past week has been really hard with MIL in the hospital, DH thought I was being jealous...perhaps I was, but when he saw what I have seen all along, I think he forgave me pretty well.

He called to see when she was getting out of the hospital yesterday morning, no answer. She called him back at lunch time to say that they were keeping her, oh well. He had already told her LAST week, that he would NOT be able to let the dog out, or take her home Today because today is my appointment with the neurosurgeon. He gave the heads up from the get go, so she knew.
Well, after a very long week of him going back and forth getting things for her (things like fiber supplements, don't hospitals provide that stuff if its necessary?) for three days and letting her dog out she called him on New Years Eve to tell him she would need her keys back because they were going to be discharging her New Years morning.
They got into it when he pointed out that they likely would not discharge her til the afternoon (she has insurance, and you know, hospitals LOVE to get their money's worth out of them) She yelled at him and told him to just go let the dog out then bring her her keys, because now she was mad that he wasn't going to take her home on the 2nd.

He went, let the dog out, filled the gas tank, called me to tell me he was on his way home. An Hour later, He walks in the door as mad as can be. As soon as he walked in, they decided to discharge her. He says because they could not give him a straight answer (any of the previous 4 times they had talked during the day) that he was not taking her home at that point.

He has never been one to take well to sudden changes in plan unless they are a true emergency, so when the doctor tried getting in his face and not letting him leave, yelling and cursing at him, he was kicked out of the hospital.

I think the harsh reality is while this was all happening, his mom said NOTHING. Not a thing. If someone was screaming at my child five years old or fifty years old, I would NOT sit there and say Nothing.
I asked him what he would have done if it was Lauren who had come in to pick him up, he admitted he would have stood up for her as well. As a parent, as a Wife, as a sister, as a friend, no matter who you are, no normal person would stand there and not react while YOUR doctor screams at your visitor.

My mom is a very mellow, don't yell at anyone type of person, she always has been, but when I was a very young teen, probably 9th grade or so maybe younger, I was sick, nothing abnormal, ( I was ALWAYS sick) but we went to the doctor, she told my mom that I was probably faking to get out of going to school, my mom made her apologize to me, and she did not even say it to my face. If my mom will stick up for me at 14 or younger, when she was still the one in charge and most kids are not considered important, why then did his mom not say a word to stick up for her 32 year old son who has jumped at her every whim the past week?

I am very protective of my husband, he does not see the problem til its really deeply affected his being, and I guess its my job, because I do NOT feel bad about holding him and telling him that I love him no matter what.
I am so grateful that I took the time to pray over our house when I seriously wondered what God was going to allow us to go through next. Yes, God puts us through the fire, he can't refine us without the fire. He can't mold us without mushing the clay down again and again making it soft and supple.
Do I blame God for all of these challenges, not in the least. When I pray, I hear those simple words, DO YOU TRUST ME?
Yes, Lord, I trust you. Even when it hurts, I can see that its only going to make us better in the long run.