That went over like a lead balloon

Well, I had my appointment yesterday.
I was hoping for answers, I was disappointed, I got NONE.

I am changing over to the neurologist in their office, I Love my rehab doctor, he is so honest with me, we know where we stand with whats going on. I am discouraged though that the MRI was clear, well, it showed swelling, DUH, I can see that much, lol.

They recommeded a doppler, so we had that run immediately, it showed nothing.

I am still in lots and lots and lots of pain. No answers isn't helping with that though.
I am tired all the time and the suffering just makes it harder.
I am praying we get the medicaid without questions so I can deal with that for my Feb appointments.

Been SO Busy

We had a play date this weekend, Lauren had a blast.

We had Christmas with family, I am tired, it was good, but overwhelming. My body rebelled and I have been in almost constant pain since.

Tomorrow I see the Rehab doctor. I have LOTS of questions for him. Hope he has time to answer them.

I have been tired and in a lot of pain for the last week or so, I do not know what to expect next. My swelling has gone down significantly with the prednisone, but it didn't help with the pain or anything else, and it caused mood swings that scared my family.

Church is amazing, I feel so at home here.

Lauren had a blast at her party, there were 4 other girls there, they played really well together but she has a real bond with the one that is closest to her age, its pretty remarkable. I am amazed.

I AM ANGRY

A friend of mine's spouse was accused of doing something very wrong, while he did as accused, things are not as they seem.

We were told the other side of the story today in church, I am heartbroken for this family. My prayers go out to them.

Her husband has been charged with a five year felony for being unable to deliver a product it made front page news in our little town newspaper. The church is standing behind them because they know the whole situation, but it just sucks that this had to happen to them.

His business has already suffered because the manufacturer he used went under, hence the failure to deliver charges, and now, he is going through these struggles. His wife was the first friend I made in this church, so I truly feel for them. I do not feel that people should just walk away from their obligations in any way, but at times, it isn't always clear cut like that.

Please join me in prayer for this family, that God will bless them in their finances to allow him to get the financing to finish up these contracts and be done with these customers that have had these issues. Also I ask that God will allow him customers in the future that realize that Michigan is in a VERY bad economic downturn that does not just affect the customer but also the businesses.

Struggles

This has been a rough couple of days. I need to admit it openly because if I don't, when I look back, I will have forgotten the tough times.

We got a beautiful foot of snow Friday morning, I tried to be my old self and shovel just a little, I knew I couldn't do it, but I had to try. I did not hear back on the library job I am PERFECTLY qualified to do. The depression sinks in. The cane got in the way again.

Its hard to say the least. The pain today has been horrendous, it was bad yesterday too, almost like a one step forward two steps back process.

I did see some light in my dim day, I made a batch of Peppermint Crunch Fudge. It tastes GREAT. Life has been extremely overwhelming. Its been Hard. I see things around me and sometimes it just speeds around in circles making me dizzy.

I am tired and I can't keep up. I think the hardest part is that its been nearly a year now, and its very overwhelming to not be normal. I miss playing with my daughter, I miss taking baths, I miss sitting on the floor, I miss being me.

Well, I Didn't Hear back on the job, Oh well

We are snowed in this morning, The entire lower part of Michigan is pretty much snowed in. Its beautiful (so long as you are Inside and not out)

We are averaging about an inch of snow an hour right now, its beautiful, blowing snow, no rain mixed in up here. Lauren is not blessed with a snowday however, she has schoolwork to finish before we bake her angel cookies for her Sunday School Christmas Party.

Todays ToDo List:
Make a Pot of Chili for Lunch/Dinner
Make 2 Ingredient Fudge For The Family gatherings next week
Make Chocolate Covered Cherry mice For Family coming tomorrow if the roads are plowed in time. (since the snow should be done today they probably will be)
Make about 18 Sugar cookie angels for Lauren's Sunday School Class and decorate them,

Obviously this list is not in order, the Chili is first, but the Cookies are second since I will be using the leftover frosting for a half a batch of fudge, I am making 3 batches of fudge, 1 Chocolate, 1 Peanut Butter, and 1 Peppermint Crunch (and an extra half a batch of peppermint crunch for me)

Next Wednesday I will make a sugar cookie wreath for my mother in law since Chris got laid off gifts will be very cheap this year. We will likely throw in a pretty jar of loose leaf teas if I can find a nice brand for a nice price, to go with it before then.

When All Looks Lost, Remember that He who Created it doesn't need a compass

Well things are going rather groggily along.
The topamax is definitely controlling the migraines, how can I tell this will daily still mind numbing headaches? well there are definitely differences in the headaches I have now and the ones I was having before, I hate to say this but I was likely having PTC, CHIARI and Migraines all wrapped up into one day making my days a lot worse. I am more tired now and food is repulsive but thats all good because I am definitely seeing some relief albeit not much.

I scheduled my mri, its tomorrow at 1:30, I have another interview at the school tomorrow too, this isn't a job I applied for though, I have LOTS of experience, but the hours didn't work for my schedule, but she called me, as she had some schedule changes. See God provides.

After that I changed my first drs appointment of the year to make it a tad easier than fighting the medicaid battle in the first 6 days of the year. Dh is still job hunting without much success.

Lets play catch up

Lets try again :-) this time I won't hit enter BEFORE I type.

Thank goodness for Edit buttons.

Its Thursday, I am exhausted, its been a busy week and today is yet another busy day.
As for Tuesdays post, a little more detail.

I went to the Rheumatologist in the morning, my ANA and ESR blood tests were still high all other lupus bloodwork came back negative. She was suprised thinking maybe the high ANA the first time was a fluke, the swelling and nerve issues are still really bothering me.

We are trying prednisone and going to go for an MRI after I get it scheduled I will call today.

After that I had an interview, I do not feel all that confident, I am not a marketing person and thats what this job is.

Then I went SHOPPING. I came home with $150 worth of groceries (plus a HUGE bag of free Buffalo from the inlaws)
We have a Huge selection at least for dinners, lunches are a bit trickier, and I still need to shop for breakfast and a few select ingredients.

interview went ok, not holding my breath, Drs appointment, not so hot

Well, we are off to yet ANOTHER MRI, hmm, that makes, what 1 spine, 3 brain, 1 knee, and 1 ankle, hmm, altogether, 6 this YEAR.

I am also going on 90 days of prednisone (I believe its 90 days) if all else fails we are going invasive with a muscle and nerve biopsy.

My head hurts

Well, I have been on Topamax 3 days, I am not sure how it does at preventing the headaches but its not helped yet, but its only been THREE days, I have to give it time, I know it has to build in the system to work right.

In other news, tomottow will be Menu Plan day as I have to go grocery shopping, I have No earthly clue what I am buying since I am going to Aldi in the morning, we shall see what we come home with to see whats for meals.

Its been interesting having Chris home, complicated a bit too since, Well, uhm, I don't normally make REAL lunches here...and he is ALWAYS hungry.

Busy week

Well its been totally chaotic this week. Monday Chris was laid off, Tuesday he went in to Michigan works for Unemployment, then we had my Neuro-opthalmologist appointment, he released me to a regular opthalmologist.
Wednesday, We STAYED HOME.
Thursday, He had an appointment at Michigan works then I had an appointment to see my Counselor there too, I had to drop off paperwork that was missing.
Friday, Low and behold my comp card came in and I was BACK to MI works yet again.
When I got back home, we got another call, I got an interview Tuesday for workstudy, so I am hoping I can get that job.

Last night, I got hit with some of the worst pain in the world. I was in agony.

And here we go to meet MARVIN

M ichigan's A utomated R esponse V oice I nteractive N etwork
Chris got laid off this week, he will get two weeks pay as well as his unemployment, we have insurance through the month and everything will be ok but tight

God is Mighty and in conrol of everything.

The Battle of Wills that I am not sure WHO won

Today was a REALLY bad day.

We had an okay Thanksgiving, We had dinner at Chris's Dad's on Wednesday than we had our Thanksgiving here Thursday, Friday we were back at the inlaws for a long boring day of Chris learning tax stuff.

Then comes Friday night, Lauren spent the night in our room, she was overtired and clingy so we okayed it. BIG mistake....All day today has been a battle, from the MOMENT she woke up til the moment she went to bed.

Normally in a battle of wills of this magnitude, someone gives up, usually her. Today having daddy home it was about a thousand times worse than usual, and my oh my am I miserable.

My head hurts, my neck hurts, my leg hurts and my brain is totally fried.

She eventually decided it was in her best interest to behave but it took her ALL day to learn.

All in all, today was NOT a good day.

so tired

Things are going ok here, but I am totally exhausted and have been for about two days now.

Todays has been a long day, my head has hurt all day, but God is good, we went to church yesterday and I really REALLY REALLY like this church, its Amazing, I haven't liked a church like this one since I started at Evangel Temple.

Its open and honest and I have met families there that actually do things we do. I love how Lauren interacts with the other children and how at home we seem to feel while there.

Its not even 9pm and I think I am going to take my meds and hit the hay, I am not going to make it til 9.
Good Night

Quickie Update

Things are going here, its gotten COLD, and my body is rebelling something horrible.

Stress is running high as things KEEP going wrong.

God is still in control regardless of what happens.

That wasn't half as bad as I expected it to be

Today was the Rheumatology appointment, I was nervous, and it showed, my blood pressure is normally 136/80 or so, Today, 196/72 a bit high, she laughed when I told her it was nerves.

She doesn't seem to think its Lupus but rather Neuro-Muscular. She is running a bunch of blood work anyhow, I didn't ask what, it just makes me think too much and worry more.

She gave me a steroid shot to help decrease the inflammation and tenderness in the office, how fun is that. Woo Hoo, blech, yuck, lol. Then she wrote out a couple scripts, one for a muscle relaxant and the other an NSAID that is supposed to work a bit differently than the others I have tried.

She did mention that quite a few muscles are really tender not just the ones we thought about, she said there was quite a bit of tenderness in the chest muscles as well as back, neck, thigh, shoulders, and leg.

I go back on December 9th for the follow up.

As for how I have been feeling, tired about sums it up, all I want to do is sleep. I am in lots of pain, but all I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep, and NO, I am not depressed, I am just exhausted.
I do things around the house, I teach Lauren, we play, but mostly I rest, by body is draining me of all energy.

Bits and Bytes

I am still puttering about getting things done incredibly slowly.

My brain hurts to even think, and once again, I seem to have slept or rested way more than I feel I should need in a given day.

Lauren worked on Nutritious November worksheets and is going to be working on how to find healthier choices among what we really want. Lucky Charms isn't a healthy choice regardless of how yummy they taste.

www.mypyramid.gov has some really cool links for preschoolers that we printed off to help us choose the perfect amounts per meal. Since I will be working my way down to her serving size, it should be pretty good for both of us.

Friday I have my appointment with my Michigan Works counselor, I need to call the transcript lady tomorrow to make sure that everything gets in the system (or I will have to go back again)
Yesterday I called and my blood work was being faxed over to the rheumatologist, that appointment is on Monday and I am VERY nervous at this point. Maybe if I felt a bit better I wouldn't be half as anxious.

My thoughts aren't making much sense right now so I better stop writing before I scramble something important.

Good Night

Miserable but functioning

Well, I am determined not to stop functioning despite feeling as bad as I do.
I am sleeping more and resting more but still aiming to get SOMETHING done every day. Its a long road when you don't know what's ahead.

My appointment with the Rheumatologist is in SIX days, its been a long 7 weeks to get here.

This morning I registered for classes at the local community college. Applied Math for Medical Assistants, Business Communications, Human Anatomy and Physiology (hopefully) and Medical Terminology.

This afternoon we are doing school and probably some chores. My goal is to work in bits since I can't seem to manage bites at this point.

My head is getting to the point where I am ready to request a spinal tap or a new medicine...and I am just tired of feeling lousy, and Chris hates his job which isn't helping, he is always angry and stressed out. Grumble

My Aching Me

I would love to say that I feel really good about things, but right now I have been in a lot of pain for two days.
Voting turned out to be long lines even in the morning and I should have gone absentee since by the time we were done with all of our Tuesday activities I was in SOOOO much pain. I will live, but I am sore.

I can't even isolate what hurts, but today Lauren took care of me, did her school and was a Huge help. I am so glad we home school, on days like today, there is no way I could handle her being in school...I couldn't get her to a bus, or back off. Days like today, she takes care of me, and learns....She learns compassion and how to care for others, she learns how to be self sufficient, and she learns how to make sure that she stays OUT of trouble.

Today we Visited a New Church

I didn't want to change churches, but the drive has just gotten to be too much to do it when there are churches around here that share my beliefs.

We had visited one, and while I felt welcomed, it didn't feel like home.
Today we visited another, a little closer, and it was just amazing.
I haven't felt that welcomed since I was in the church we were at before we moved.
They have children...and they are mostly HOME SCHOOLED an added plus.
They have an adult and children's Sunday School, something I find important.

I was just so amazed to actually find a potential home less than 3 miles away. There are no lights between my home and the church...it is a straight shot down M-19...I will go throughout the months of November and December and make a final decision if its home in January.

Another Interview

This time its one I got off the schools website.

I will be going to bed early and resting throughout the day tomorrow so that it goes over well.
I have been abnormally tired today and that doesn't encourage me....but this is an office job where I shouldn't need to be on my feet hardly at all.