Monday, March 3, 2008

Everything is a Battle

The question that my darling (ok so she wasnt quite so darling while I was yelling at her) daughter got asked today.

She was trying to stay out of my way, since I am not moving well she is getting quite independant, UGH, not what I need.

Today she washed her own hair, using an ENTIRE bottle of shampoo. I had to put her in the shower to get it out, she HATES showers, I can't stand for long periods of time without my walker, and can not move really well, so I am standing there getting wet, trying to rinse out her hair, she is screaming like a mad woman because I am holding her in place with one hand and holding the wall with the other. By the time we finished, I sat down on the toilet and just cried. I held her close and she cried too.

I hate what this has done to her, it makse me so mad that the lawyers don't want to take my case because we do not yet know if this is permanent, but even more so, I hate that I can not take care of my baby. Instead she is taking care of me.

Today during physical therapy she was driving my therapist NUTS. I have often thought about sending her to school while I recover but then I look at it as so much more work.
Without having to go to school she already fights me on getting dressed, doing her work and then I would have to deal with school busses (which is nigh impossible seeing as it takes alot of work for me just to get in and out of the house.
I would also have to deal with the calls from school to deal with her when she misbehaves (which lately seems almost a constant).
I also have to look at the reality, what if this DOES NOT get better. What if I am always going to have some damage left. Then I sent her off to heal and I didnt heal. Then I just send my child away for NOTHING.
I can't do that either.

She may be very challenging, but she is mine, I love her regardless of how much of a monster she can be.

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