Thursday, July 31, 2008

Depression, Confustion, Frustration, Fear

Can you tell I don't know how I feel anymore?

Tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary of my shunt removal, that means, if they were right, any nerve damage I have left may very well be permanent damage.

Saturday I have an MRI to see if its orthopedic or neurological that my knee is still not working, today it scared me the most in a long time, it locked and actually gave out and I fell, fortunately, We have too much furniture and I just fell into the love seat...I had made it less than 3 steps from where I started.

Chris called at lunch, he hates his job, I hate his job because he hates it. I feel bad for him, he has to work til I can work full time and support our family. I am hoping that my August 18th appointment will shed some light as to when that will be a reality.
He is so stressed by every little thing that I don't see a different job being any help to him though.

My emotions have been all over the place, and I mean seriously ALL over the place. I have cried, screamed, contemplated calling the shrink they sent to me in the hospital, its been that bad. I am upset at every little thing now. My head hurts even more with the meds I am on to control the headaches, I don't think there is much more frustrating than to discover that while one area of headaches improved two others got significantly worse.

Lauren and I painted some butterflies, dragonflies, and flowers today that were made out of wood from Michael's for her room. She was very excited and they turned out cute. I was hoping making them with her would help me feel better, but it didn't work that way.

Well I think I am going to take a nap while Lauren plays on here, hopefully I will feel better later.

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