Finding Joy in the small stuff

Like a whole week without having any medical appointments.

Seriously though, its always so easy to find things to be happy about when everything is going good, when God gives us an answer we really want, or when we have a really big praise with whats going on in our lives; but how often do we remember to be happy when small things go right?

Since November 12th, 21 days ago, I have had 5 different appointments either seeing the doctors (3 different ones) or having tests done. While we are not done and I still have to call the Neurologist and Neurosurgeons office this morning, I am taking extreme joy in the fact that the only real place I have to go this week is the Library. I don't even think the grocery store will see me this week unless they have some really amazing sales going on.

Remember to not only be Thankful for the big things, but the little things and the Not so happy things too because God is working through those as well.

Possitive Note

It seems lately all I have had to say is whats going on with my health. Now I know that's because not much has actually been done beyond that, its been keeping me VERY busy, but last week I had ordered a new curriculum to review. I found it brand new for $130, but decided that was too high, so I found it used for about a quarter of that. I am so excited. I have never seen so much useful information.

Today I read through the curriculum that arrived this morning, it looks so interesting and covers quite a variety of topics. Math and Phonics will still be Horizons and the rest will be Weaver.

We are excited and will be starting in January with the K-1 info.

No matter what may come my way

I know my life is in your hands. Those are my favorite words of peace right now as I hear the song by Kirk Franklin.
I have my spinal tap scheduled for December 12, it seems so far away and yet so early. I have only had one other one that was scheduled and it was scheduled for the afternoon. I have to be there at 7:30am for a 9am appointment and I will not get home til about 3-4 hours after I am done. Basically, I will be there from a minimum of 7:30 til noon, but probably a bit closer til 2pm. My poor mom, it will be a very long day for her as she will be watching Bug at the hospital, I guess she will be getting a few new things to keep her totally occupied while I am there, Dollar store, here I come.

Now, normally, I would not go to the dollar store to get things just to keep my daughter occupied, but this is a special circumstance. We do not have a portable DVD player so I cannot just give her a movie to watch or two to take up the majority of that time, part of it will be breakfast with grandma as I will Not be allowed to eat for 4 hours prior (not that I will be awake four hours prior to 7:30am) but the rest of that time she will need to have a variety of activities that do not weigh much to keep her occupied for a LONG time. She will have a clipboard worth of schoolwork to take as well though.

Praying

This morning my dad called, My sister was in a car accident, by the sounds of it it mangled her car pretty badly. She was not hurt Praise God, but is very shaken up. She is down in Tennessee, more than 12 hours away from home. Its so hard to have things go wrong when you are so far away.

God Please help her to have to faith to trust that you are still in control of the circumstances.

The Wait

Oh how impatient am I? Let me Count the ways.

In case you haven't noticed, God is certainly allowing my patience to be worked right now, and I am failing miserably. Yesterday my appointment took just over an hour and a half before I got home from the doctors office, I love my neurosurgeon, I was so upset when I walked in their and his smile fixed that part at least.

Now I am waiting on the call from the hospital to schedule the fluoroscopic lumbar puncture. In the meantime, I finally know what the doctor thinks is causing the headaches if its not the PTC. So based on the spinal tap, I will know what the answer is soon.
If the pressures are normal, its migraines, and Dr. Pieper says we will have to medically manage them because they are winning on an average of 5 days each week.
He was also going to recommend a neurologist that is closer that specializes in Migraines, but in actuality, I don't know if I want a new doctor again, I kinda like Dr. Silverman. I know that by him not telling me he thinks they are migraines, he is pretty much trying to maintain his reputation if they aren't. The PTC was originally diagnosed as migraines when I was a kid and I was upfront with him about that back at the first appointment, so he knew the pressures were higher before any of the other symptoms appeared.

I am So Frustrated

Gracious, I am so tired of this whole mess.
This morning I saw the neurologist again. While I don't mind seeing him, I already had a strong inkling of what he had to say.
Spinal Tap, here we come.

Wednesday I get to visit my neurosurgeon again. Dr. Silverman wants to make sure that they can do a spinal tap to check the pressure. I wouldn't be so frustrated except that I technically was supposed to see Dr. Pieper on Halloween, but that got moved to go see Dr. Silverman in the first place.

Apparently my EEG and VEP weren't bad enough to have to look at those in more depth. That part is really good as I don't want to go through more of that. So, once again, I know nothing more than before and my thoughts that I knew more than the doctors in the first place was proven.
It is so hard to find the peace of God in this one for me as I asked about the tap way back on the 17th of October when I had the CT scan, MRI, and X-Rays. I thought it made more sense since that's the only way they can tell if the pressure is high.
I know God is in this, I know he wants either Me or Someone Else to learn from this, but right now I am feeling very weak and vulnerable since it seems I am going in circles to get this straightened out.
Right now, my biggest concern is if being headache free again is really worth all the hassles to deal with this.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Happy Thanksgiving

While its been a totally chaotic month of November, God is still in control and oh so amazing.

What are you thankful for?
Me?

• I am thankful for my family who keep me sane during all the stress.
• I am thankful for the roof over our heads, while it needs updates, it keeps us safe from the snow that's falling outside right now.
• I am thankful for Homeschooling, this month when I didn't have the energy to do school, we still got lots of learning done anyhow.

The list can go on and on, but I am just thankful that God is our provider and he cares for each of us as his own, since that kinda sums it all up.

One Down, One to go

Ok, this blog has taken a totally different direction than I was prepared for. When I started writing down what my life was about, I was not planning on a recurrence of the PTC.

Yesterday I had my opthamology appointment. It was interesting to say the least. I discovered I really do know my body pretty well, when he called Dr. Silverman to give him the report, he said exactly what I was prepared for, the swelling has not gone away, but he can not tell how new it is since it appears more chronic than acute (Perhaps that's from having it diagnosed for 9 years)
I also learned that I have some minor permanent vision loss, the best they can get my glasses now is 20/25 and 20/30, while still not bad, this is the first time they have not been able to get it down to 20/20.
Overall it was not a bad appointment, Long, yes, bad no. He wants to follow up in a year and continue to monitor the papilledema as well, which figures, lol....I was supposed to be following that all along except that I was allowed to see an optometrist and they don't check as thoroughly because its beyond their scope of expertise and he couldn't see anything, oops.

So on Tuesday, I finish up my tests that Dr. Silverman ordered and next Monday I find out what they found. In the meantime, we are taking some time off of school so that I don't get too frustrated with BUG. We will start again in January with real school, right now, Bug is enjoying doing a lot of reading, but that's about the extent of it.

I had my appointment yesterday morning, I know nothing more than I did before I went in.
I was a bit nervous, every time you get a new doctor you are putting your trust in someone you do not know and I have had quite a variety of mixed responses from new docs. This time I was quite amazed and impressed.

He listened well, answered and asked lots of questions, seemed to genuinely care about what was going on and understand that this is more of a preventative before its too late rather than anything else.
He is sending me for some tests, an EEG, no clue why, but I am not going to stress over it as its such an easy thing and if its not the PTC than it may help figure out what is causing them.
He is also doing Visual Evoked Potentials, this should be interesting as I have never had that done before, he said its basically like my visual fields that I had had before except its how the brain registers it rather than anything else. I also get to see an Opthamologist on Thursday. Then I follow up again on the 26th of November.

SLOW DOWN!!!

Yesterday we visited the in-laws, I had forgotten til Saturday morning that we were supposed to go; DH really struggles to associate in any way with his family so this was not something he was looking forward to... I on the other hand, try to make the best and actually enjoy the visits (DH enjoys them too, he just does not see it while we are there)

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose, can we say a Cold? My whole family has been sick this month so I do not know why I thought I would be exempted. I do not really feel sick and because of that I am keeping my neurology appointment in the morning, I just will have to remind him that I do know the difference between a sinus headache and a PTC style headache, lol.

Remember to take care of yourself before everyone else so you don't end up needing taken care of.

Grocery Shopping

Tomorrow is grocery day, I am spending a minimum of $40 and that's just meat.
My favorite meat market has not had a good sale in a while, but when they have good sales, they have REALLY good sales. Tomorrow I am picking up $19.90 worth of Boneless Skinless Chicken breast, ten pounds.
I am also picking up 10 pounds of Ground Chuck for the same 19.90, not bad. I will spend most of Saturday packaging for the freezer, and preparing meals ahead. I have this wonderful cookbook called Don't Panic, Dinner's in the Freezer, so far, every meal we have made out of there has been a hit, granted I do NOT cook things I know my family wont like either though.

I have a 20 meal plan that we rotate through, we do try new recipes occasionally as well as I have some Lazy days and make something out of a box but that is extremely rare anymore and we do go out too much too, but we are trying to curb that down to once a week.
I also have to go to the Three local grocery stores as well, this week they are having good stock up sales. By the time I am done this week, all I will need is to hit Sam's for my bulk purchases and we will be good for the month, Maybe longer.

What's on Your Plate?

I had a menu all planned out for this week, but for some odd reason, I don't seriously see us using ANY of it, so I am starting over.

Last night, we enjoyed Mexican Monday at one of our favorite mexican fast food places (the one who uses REAL food)

Today is Election day, we are going to enjoy a nice pot of Chili. I will be putting half of the leftovers in the freezer for a lazy day, the other half will be part of Tomorrow's dinner.

Wednesday, Taco Salad with the leftover Chili, I just use Lettuce, Doritos, and salsa.

Thursday, Baked barbecue chicken, Corn and Mashed Potatoes

Friday, Homemade Pizza

Lazy or Convenient

Today Bug and I made what I am calling Bread Machine starters. I have only used my bread machine once due to the time it takes me to get all of the ingredients into the machine (I know its supposedly more convenient, but I am lazy and it takes motivation to use any tool, and lately, I lack ANY motivation to use ANYTHING)

Today I had a bit of energy, something I haven't had a lot of lately, actually I cant remember the last time I felt good before late evening. So I took advantage today. I got things done, Dishes, School prep, school sort, Bug even did school and has done extra today. Then since I was still feeling pretty okay, I decided that the bread machine saves us significantly, so I was going to make some kits so I can just Throw it together. Now, when I want to make a loaf, I put in 1cup plus 2Tbsp of Water, 1 Tbsp soft butter, and the mix, then drop in two and a half teaspoons of Yeast punch in basic, medium, and start, and 3 hours later, I have bread.

My kits (I got 5 loaves of bread out of 1 5lb bag of flour) consist of 3 cups Flour, 1 Tbsp, Powdered milk, 2Tbsp Sugar, and 1 1/2 teaspoons salt.

How much Time do you Have?

We have NO time, are you surprised?

Church today was about Moses, and trusting God when he gives us instructions to Leave what we are comfortable and Go where we may not be comfortable or even know where our provisions are going to come from.

Last night when I was sitting in prayer, I had been thinking about a wonderful list I had found on another blog, it was about housework and time management for Mothers, anyhow, I had been really feeling convicted about how I manage my time, especially lately with being sick.

Needless to say, I started working through the list one item at a time to sort out my priorities. I included two bible reading times in my day, but both were to read to Bug. I really don't feel that's enough, nor is it appropriate. So I started praying about time, we have no time, its all God's time. He wants ALL of us, All of our Family, all of our Time, All of our finances, he truly is Lord of All.
I realize that my prayer time is not on my schedule, not that I don't pray daily, but I never included it on my schedule. I spend the last half hour to hour before I come to bed in prayer and praise. I listen to All Worship (my favorite Satellite radio station on sky Angel) and spend that time in prayer.
I seem to pray better while listening to worship music, don't know why, but it really helps me immensely.

You can listen to my current favorite worship song Here.
Its amazing how a song can touch you so much in just moments.

God Has Not Given Us

A spirit of fear. But he has given unto us, a spirit of Love, a spirit of Power, and of strong mind.

I am not going hunting to figure out exactly where that comes from this morning, but the reality is, God is not the one who allows us to be overcome with fear, stress, or worry. That is our lack of faith as we prepare for what we are about to embark upon.

For me, its starting over with a new doc.
For you, it could be anything, life is full of new unknowns.
While they remain unknown to us, our heavenly father though, knows all, sees all, and is there to hold his children as they go through these trials and tribulations.

Only our God cares enough to do that, not a one of our friends or family care that much about us, though often they would like us to think they care that much (its impossible)

No News is Good News

But, when you get news from a doctors office, its generally NOT good news.

Sunday mornings are not the days I ever would have expected to hear from the doctors office, but that's the time they called. My follow up has been changed, its not appearing to be my shunt after all. OK, I realize that may sound like Good news, but in reality its not.

I suffered for 111 months for them to find an original diagnosis. Granted, I continued to live my life, graduated High school, went to college, worked, made friends....some that last a lifetime...But, I was in pain of varying intensities the whole time. In 1998 that wise PA helped me immensely. A diagnosis meant a treatment that would at least ease the pain a bit.

1999 brought the optic nerve sheath fenestration, 2000 brought me another week in the hospital as did 2001 The shunt was the first long lasting relief. So finding out that that's not the problem means we get to see what exactly the problem happens to be. I get to start anew with a new Neurologist, and who knows what will come. My faith in doctors has always been a bit shaky. After all, they are only human, and don't comprehend everything about all problems.

My easy fix has become complicated and I don't even know how complicated it will be.
Will keep ya posted.

Biblical helps for Obedience

After a really rough start to our week, we read the Keys for Kids, I love their topical index on obedience, first we read the Bird Cage, then looked up several supporting stories.
Then we read Kids for Truth about Jesus being our advocate and learning how Christ is the ONLY way we can be forgiven for our sins.

We also covered the wonderful dynamation of the Dyna Box on Kids for Truth. The lessons made quite the impact. Bug truly wants to be good now and has been much better lately as well.

The Battles that Noone Win

Today Bug is back to herself alright, 100% normal, OBSTINATE, Ornery, Crabby, whiny, you name it she is being awful, or at least she was.

Days like today make me wonder how any mom can parent a child with any type of disability be it learning, mental, or Physical.
She really wore me out.
Tantrum after tantrum after tantrum. She is smart, she knows what she is doing but every little thing seems to bother her and set her off.
She can not, or will not sit still for even a moment.
The work is too hard (its Kindergarten work Lesson 35, she has been working the book since....JUNE or so and has only gotten 34 lessons done.)
There is too much work, its just too much to get done (its 2 work sheets and two reading sheets)

Ok now we are talking a child who is reading at 2nd grade level most of the time. Who is quite capable of doing 1st grade math and phonics, her writing, yes, that is a true struggle for her but everything else she was asked to do is well within her abilities with very little actual challenge.

How do I know its not challenging for her? When we went over it, making sure she understood the instructions, she did EVERY single Math problem without even thinking about it.
She can write every single letter of the alphabet without a challenge, but doing it for work....well it was Just too hard, and took 45 minutes to write 12 Capital letter A's and 12 small letter a's
of those 24 letters, 8 of them were Traced.

She had a meltdown about an hour and a half ago now, which she promptly FELL ASLEEP after.
The math sheet sits on the clipboard colored (not in the right places because that's a silly way to add) but none of the work is done.

The stress of dealing with her does not help me at all. I am just too tired and would so love to just take a break from my life at this moment...However, that's just not possible.

How Glad I am.

Yesterday Bug was back to feeling better and today, I could not have been more thrilled. Today was one of the worst days I have had with my PTC in over 15 years. I can not even compare the pain today of those days back when I was diagnosed and could not even walk in a straight line.

I think I have just been spoiled rotten by the pain free years my shunt did give me.
You know its bad when I go buy Advil (and I know its not strong enough to do anything more than dull the pain a little)

I read a blog and one day she described a migraine, my first thought was how awesome of a job she did sitting in my body. Unfortunately, the difference between a Migraine and a PTC headache is that PTC headaches do not tend to get better with time.

Why oh why did I procrastinate so in taking care of this. My dear friend in Idaho mentioned that I had been speaking of it for over a year...she tried to get me to listen to myself, but I was too stubborn.
When I looked at it on paper filling out the paperwork to go to the neurosurgeon, it actually scared me. Shunt Failure usually occurs within the first 4 years, I guess my problems started back then, but I was too stubborn to notice. The headaches have actually been here for nearly 4 years....I pawned the earliest signs off as stress due to the infertility. The more regular and noticeable headaches arrived more than 18 months ago and closer to two years than that. That puts the first signs at 2 years after placement the consistent ones at the 4 year mark, and constant headaches began almost to the day on the 6 year anniversary. My was I foolish.

I am so grateful to serve a graceful God who wont look at my stubborn streak and say....hey, you brought this upon yourself, like we as parents tend to say when our children make obvious mistakes in judgement.

10 days til Follow up.

All Better

I love short lived sicknesses. Yesterday is over, Today is a new day and all is well. Bugs fever broke and she is feeling fine this morning.

My Baby does Not feel well

Today has been the worlds LONGEST day, Bug is not feeling well. She woke up at 4am thinking she was going to vomit, she did not but she was certainly not feeling herself.

How do you prove a little one who is not vomiting is not feeling well? This child is normally SOOOOOO active, lol. She reminds me a bit of the energizer bunny, going and going and going. Today, she did NOT go.

At 4am, she woke us up, we got her calmed down, gave her a quarter dose of pepto to help with the upset tummy. She went back to sleep, very restlessly but to sleep nonetheless. Then at 5:30am, she woke up to tell daddy bye gave him a hug, and went back to sleep.

By 7am, she was sleeping in my bed cuddled up to me til about 9am when I got up and did some stuff around here.

She woke up and watched some tv but fell back in and out of sleep til 1:30pm, at which time she chose to come lay on the couch she had a bowl of oatmeal and by 5p, was back out again. Hopefully tomorrow she will wake up feeling refreshed and be back to her normal over energetic self.

God is my Strength

Well as I posted on Tuesday, my tests were yesterday.
It was a very long day, results wont be in til next week. I am not too concerned about them saying anything different than what I expect.

My mom watched Bug in the waiting room, and of course, because it was NOT me with her, she actually behaved. Gotta love kids.

We got to the hospital at about 11:30 or so, which was a good thing because we spent a LOT of time waiting, first for registration (only about 10 minutes) Then for the MRI, which was 45 minutes LATE then for the CT scan, which I waited longer than the test took, then the X-Rays, which took longer than the CT, MRI and all the waiting put together. I was totally baffled that a few x-rays could be so agitating.
A spinal tap would have given clearer answers faster.

I have always said though that God works through the tests and the doctors appointments and just overall has been working through the PTC ever since before we even knew what it was, he did it again.
This time, it was a conversation between the X-Ray tech and I, which I suppose is why the X-Rays took so long, God had a testimony to be shared, and that even included the part about the suffering now not being half as bad as before.
He had asked the innocent question of why I had a shunt, easy question. Turns out his wife has the same symptoms due to another condition, her neurologist REFUSES to refer her to a Neurosurgeon because he doesn't think they would be willing to even think about putting a shunt in because she has some fluid flow (I had SOME fluid flow, just not enough to keep the pressure down) So I got to share my docs info, the fact that even with a potential failure, we did have 4 full pain free years and its not nearly as bad as it got before (the headaches become debilitating if your pressures get too high, which I cant do now with the BUG)
So God is allowing me to go through this because he wants others to benefit. It definitely makes the suffering a lot easier.

The Big Day

Tomorrow is it, its test day.
This afternoon I took the pregnancy test to verify that we are not pregnant, it came out exactly as suspected. Tomorrow morning my mom is coming down to spend the day with Bug. We will head out to the hospital about 11:15am or so, my MRI is scheduled for noon and the CT scan at 1, then I get to have the shunt series of X-Rays I will probably come home glowing in the dark, lol.

My follow up with Dr. Pieper is on October 31st. Hopefully it will be clear that the shunt is not working properly so that it can be fixed without trying to figure out why else the headaches came back.

I know, I know, it sounds silly to actually want a problem, but I have more faith that God fix the problem because he has done so before than I do to go through figuring out a new problem.

Taking a Step of Faith

After lots of prayer and discussing with DH I have decided to do another Blog on what I find frugal. A lot of people ask me how I do this or that, and That is where I will share our frugal journey.
I never thought of my family as poor let alone poverty level til I ran across a really cool blog a few months back where she was talking about living on just barely over what my DH makes and in an area with an extremely high cost of living index. So I looked up ours, OUCH, reality Check, no wonder my in laws were treating us like a charity case...it made me feel really good that I had pulled the plug on them doing our taxes as I don't like them knowing what we don't make, especially since over the last 3 years it has only gone DOWN.

It amazes me daily though. Our wages have gone down, our Bills, well they went up, but our God never fails. He has provided way more than we could ever ask or even comprehend when we had NO clue how we were going to make it, he made it. God Always makes a way for those who have faith in him.
How else could I be a stay at homeschooling mom? God had to provide the way.

He Takes my Breath Away

Have you ever been totally amazed by God? Have you ever been truly to the point of amazement by who God is that you can say "He Takes My Breath Away"?

In church this morning we had a tremendous outpouring of the Holy Spirit. I love when God moves and the sermon, well, it changes.
We never opened out bibles this morning. God took over during the music and it was just an amazing service.
The message ended up being about Seeing God in You.
Are you Who you say you are?
When you are around others, do they see you or Christ?
It was amazing to realize that so often, We don't want others looking at us because we aren't living up to HIS Potential. We are afraid of what others see in us because its usually not what we want them to see.

We serve an Awesome God, and I want him to rub off on me, so that when people are around me, all they can see is him.

Since church this morning, this song has been going through my head over and over again. If I knew how to share the music for this I would, the song is absolutely beautiful and Very powerful. Enjoy.

The Beauty of The Lord

Jesus Your love Has come one step closer
I will trust That You will never let me go
Jesus Your love Has won me over
All my trust Has found no other
I will declare the beauty of the Lord
Nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away
I'm living everyday for the beauty of the Lord
Jesus Your love takes my breath away

Music and lyrics by Jared Anderson
©2004 Vertical Worship Songs
CCLI# 4221045

Some days things just dont Go your way.

Yesterday was NOT a good day. Bug locked me out of the house, misbehaved ALL day just one thing after the other. Now granted, it was only about 3 hours of Horribly annoying behaviour, but it was 3 hours too much.

So, last evening after a homemade dinner of Chicken Cordon Bleu and baked Potatoes (yummy) we went to her room, and Sorted toys, I have an entire trashbag that will be heading out to the shed (along with 4 totes of stuff, sheesh we have ALOT of stuff....I figure if we aren't pregnant by June, I will be having a rummage Sale or going to a mom to mom sale to get rid of it all).

Anyhow, we got rid of alot of stuffed animals, I feel so much better about reducing our clutter. We also got a vacuum and will be sucking out the gazillions of micro beads that are all over the floor thanks to an explosion of a microbead stuffed Slime from Daddy's video game.

Over the next few weeks we will be getting her room in more and more of the order I want it in...I will not allow her to keep a room like ours was kept when we were kids.

On to today. Today is my parents 34th anniversary. I called to congratulate Dad and wish mom the best in putting up with dad for another 34 years. Actually though they have had rough times, I applaud them, divorce has become so rampant when I was in school I was one of a very few kids who actually lived in a two parent household. You can not quit just because things aren't easy.

Today I feel pretty good about what has gotten done.
The housework, well its not done, but Bug got played with and is happy.
We are NOT going out to eat tonight, we are having Meatloaf, Macaroni and Cheese and Broccoli, and I put a second meatloaf mixture in the freezer.

School, well Bug has been working on learning about fractions (gotta love unschooling, go with the flow) so that's what we did. Its nice right now being she would only be in Kindergarten since its not mandatory and she is already learning things that most 3rd graders barely understand.

Last night I went grocery shopping, I feel so accomplished I got 8lbs of Chicken 9lbs ground beef and lots and lots of other things to make wonderful meals for the month of October, Meals will include Steak Sandwiches, Quesadillas, Enchiladas, Meatloaf (obviously) Spaghetti, Chimichangas, Chicken Cordon Bleu, Chicken Kiev, Chili, Taco soup, Chicken Tortilla Soup, Pizza, Pepperoni bread, and Stir fry.

Tuesday in Review

Basic review. School, Bug did Math, more math, and more math. She did Horizons lesson 32 I think it was, and 3 sheets of skip counting practice. She labeled 3 pages worth of rainforest animals and read a book.

Me, ugh. I almost have the grocery list planned for tomorrows shopping trip. I planned a menu to help prevent the fast food runs. And we went to the bowling alley with DH. I hate that place. It just is so miserable there, I think part of it is because its a church league that sounds more like a cursing league or maybe it has to do with the fact that its 30 minutes away and with rare exception, we never get home before ten (tonight was that rare exception too)

Anyhoo. I am tired, Bed is calling my name. I think I am going to heed its call.

Today was a Good day

This morning Bug did school, we tried out some KidWriting, that I learned about through one of the K websites I was looking up. It didn't go over very well because she is picky about getting things right (no guessing allowed) but she tried, came very close, and well, had fun.

She worked on math and Read a rain forest book as well.

Then she played, just what a Kindergartner needs to do. But the best part, lol, she was good.

I got to talk to a really good friend of mine, we hadn't talked in a while since yahoo decided we were supposed to be mad at each other (it wasn't allowing our messages to get to the other party) Ugh.

As for my house. We ate at home, and I got the dishes done (now I have to redo them because we had Ice Cream, but there is a lot less to do now).

Good night

I love my job

Ok, ok, I know my job is being a mother and wife, but I love my job.

Today, DH and I had a fight, nothing huge, just a typical married couple squabble. But, I love my husband.

Today Bug, well, she has been a PAIN today, she has been careless, leaving things on and about and just plain not listening. But, I love my daughter.

I do not like keeping house, I am not good at it. My house can be clean and DH will find the one thing that is out of place (usually its under his feet) its so discouraging that no matter how clean it is, someone will step on something or trip over something or whatnot.

I am not a good cook. While I am good at organizing meals on paper....sometimes, I am not very good at cooking. I have a few specialties that taste wonderful, but most meals I make, well, they get eaten, but they aren't impressive, today however, wow.
I made what I thought were going to be Simple steak sandwiches. I got the idea off of THIS site, but I doctored it to meet our needs. Basically, I didn't toast the buns. I added mushrooms and Provolone cheese, and I used less than 1/3 of the butter. I also did not season the meat with anything more than Nature's Seasoning and Worcestershire sauce. It was Absolutely wonderful. my cube steaks though were more like ground beef (they were a little too Cubed, lol) But Everyone ate and was happy, now, we are STUFFED. I hate getting that way, lol, but it was yummy nonetheless, oh ya, and mine only used 3/4lb of meat.

Tomorrow we are going to be working through a few lessons on the Rain forest for School for bug, because mom had two bad days last week and we will be locked in the bedroom because its the room with the AC. Its October, its not supposed to be 82 at almost 8pm, let alone 82 period, yesterday, today and tomorrow it has been and will be nearly 90. I don't like that in the summer, this is even worse.

Gifts and How To Occupy a Child

We are currently counting down til my tests 11 days away.
So I have been filling my time trying to figure out what Bug will do while we wait.
My mom will be with her, but Bug is very independent, and since they will be at the hospital with me, I have been hunting down things for her to do.

Now, my Bug is very artistic, she has drawn some Fabulous pictures, one day, when I master the scanner, I will post some (but that's not today, lol)
She also loves stamps and other random arts and crafty things. This week, sometime when DH can stay with her, I am going to go up to the local teacher supply store (I love that place) and I will get her some stamps (ten to be precise) I will also pick up some other little surprises spending a max of $10.

Now I know that to some $10 seems like a lot to spend on a child just for something to occupy them, but since we don't do easter, christmas, or halloween (the major gift holidays) we have the privilege of gifting whenever we deem it appropriate. This year we went a little wild for her birthday, getting her more than we normally spend, but we did upgrade her bedroom to a Big Girl room as well...We could have spent it either as a gift or not, it still would have been spent.

For other gifts, we usually try to get something that the other has wanted a while, DH has gotten Amateur Radio Equipment, I usually get something practical as well (usually organizational stuff, because it makes me smile) But for Bug, we try to steer clear of bulky toys and keep it in the Useful things. Currently, the toy she has that she plays with the most was a small giraffe she got from Kroger "because it looked lonely and needed a home" but even that had to wait THREE weeks before it came home with us (and it was only $2.99) The other things she plays with are Lincoln Logs, PlayDoh, and Markers, crayons, chalks and stamps...yes, the last one is all one since they stay together as a set, she also has a spiral bound notebook that stays with that so she can draw whenever the urge hits.

Do your kids need the greatest in toy fashion? Do they even know it exists? My daughter watches Qubo, it gives her her Veggie tales, but its basically the only time she sees commercials for "stuff" and she asks for it all. Does she need it? Nope. Will she use it if we were to buy it? Maybe once or twice...she is easily bored with stuff. Did we teach her that stuff is boring? Nope.
What we did teach her though, is that Books are fun, The library is Great. It is more important to DO then to Buy. And that God gives us wonderful things that are much more precious than a toy that lasts but a moment.

Now, lest you think my child is toyless you must remember, she has Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles. They provide more than enough toys, mostly ones that are Specifically picked off of our desires because people are learning that we really do only ask for what will be used. I am grateful that they listen on that part, Now to figure out how to get them to respect that we WILL NOT ALLOW her to go Trick or Treating.

This is going to be a cross between a ramble and other random thoughts.
Today was what is known in our house as a "What a day!"

This morning Bug fought me on every level of school, I have heard that "I need a break" more than I can possibly bear. I am to the point where I want to do something fun with her and after 5 minutes tell her I need a break. Its beyond ridiculous.
She wasn't even dressed til daddy walked in the door at almost 3pm. It was a what a day.

In the morning my cousin called. Ok, I have heard from them precisely ONCE since I have been married. And that was because his oldest daughter is having headaches, boy do I understand that, LOL. They may stop by for a visit though on Saturday. His Aunt passed away this week and Friday is the funeral. It will be nice to see them, DH has never met them, last I saw him was when his grandpa died, I went to the funeral specifically for his mom. She was my favorite when I was growing up, I even spent parts of my summer vacations with their family.

Then I enjoyed a relaxing evening made dinner at home (Go Me, Thats 3 this week, and its only Thursday) and watched my CBS drama evening.

I love what a days that go this well at the end.
Good Night

Omnivorous and Endangered

Who would think my five year old would know what Omnivorous means? We are having so much fun learning about the rain forest. So far she has done her first graph based off of a picture. She had a lot of fun sorting the Mammals, Reptiles, Birds and insects off of the cover page in The Great Kapok Tree.
She also colored a picture of the rain forest, has read the books twice, we have several more rounds to go. Today she learned that an Iguana is Omnivorous and grows between 4 and 6 feet, that The Emerald Tree Boa kills his prey by squeezing and grows to 8 feet long. And That the Green Tree Boa is endangered, and eats small animals and birds.

Lonely Children

I heard the funniest comment today while at our Homeschool Playgroup.

Bug and I were there with another lady and her two boys. Our children were happily playing with every and any child that came into the play place without thought to the fact that they weren't there to play with them. I have witnessed this same kind of behavior both at our 6 and Under play group that meets at McDonald play place, as well as groups at the Park and anywhere else we may go.

This grandma was there with her grandson he appeared to be between 5 and 6 years old. She looks over at us, since he is running away from our kids not having a clue how to interact with these children that could care less that he doesn't know how, they just want to play, and says "you can tell which ones are only children just by their behavior" I nearly spit out my drink, my Bug acts nothing like a lonely child when we are out and about, the only time I can tell that she is an only is when we are at home and she is in the midst of another meltdown. Even the meltdowns don't occur nearly as often as I feel like they do.

Barring the comment from the ignorant grandma it felt so good to get to be around another mom, and Bug enjoyed playing with the boys. My aim is to make it to most of these since they are only every other week (and they are the only group function we can afford right now)

October Plan

Tomorrow starts the Book It program for our home school. The K requirements seem way too low to us, especially since Bug has been reading daily for over a year now and she reads way more than the 15 and 20 minutes that they recommend for the K goals.
So, we are actually going to add comprehension to it. She will read her books and explain or narrate them back to me, I expect her to choose Level 3 or higher for her free reading at least 3 days a week. Oh how I love the Library.

We are going to be working on a Notebook/Lap book on the Rain forest this month. We have 4 books on the Rain forest and a lot of fun projects in store. I will try to post pictures as they are completed (or at least what we get done each week)

Our Math will be her K Horizons lessons 31-62 for the month.
Happy October.

Can You be Both?

Can you be both an Organized Person and a Messy Person?
I have some rooms in my house that are terrifying. No matter how hard I try, I cant seem to keep them clean.
In those rooms, I have very organized areas. I love tinkering with them, organizing, sorting, purging, sorting then putting things into neat, clean, well organized Homes, be it containers, crates, bins, tubs, or just on shelves.

I have been like this my entire life, I have certain areas in every room that I would like to throw out and start over again as well as hyper organized areas (Bugs toy Bin that will be moving BACK upstairs is one of those Hyper organized areas) She has each of her categories of toys in their own tubs, several of those tubs actually have smaller containers separating more categories (arts and crafts cubbies...anyone?)

How do I get the organizing side to win over the messy side of me? I do not like being an Organized Messy. While I can find things without a thought more than 90% of the time, how do I get past that clutter, that seems to breed when I am not looking?

My Goal is to eventually be able to have people com into my house that are not family without being embarrassed. Currently, My Mom and MIL are the only two I don't completely freak out over entering my home. Unfortunately, that's because Neither of those women were successful housekeepers either, and I know my home is neater than theirs was.

All of my rooms are 15 minutes from clean, so why do the OTHER in laws only give me 5 minutes worth of warning before they show up? Ahh, well, its improving day by day.

God Please give me the Grace to help me Get it mastered so that I might be able to train the Bug to not keep a disastrous house when she is old enough.

The Appointments are All made

What a whirlwind these last few days have been.
I did not anticipate ever having to go through these things again.
I do not know why it seems so scary this time, its routine testing, making sure I am ok. My family deserves to know that I will be ok, they need me.

After all, if I am sick, who will listen to the Bug read and applaud her improvements. Yes, daddy would do that, but he is working to provide for us, if I cant take care of her, she would have to be put in school. YUCK.

Who would take care of DH, there are times where he just needs to be shown that he is appreciated. Now, now, I know I need those things too, but a woman really doesn't need as much as a man to be shown how appreciated we are. Yes, we love hearing it, but deep within, we know how they feel, men seem to need more reminders.

It doesn't matter, October 17th, I will have the shunt series of X-Rays to check positioning, The CT Scan for what reason I really don't know, lol, it says to check the shunt, but that one is kinda confusing to me. And lastly the MRI to verify there isn't anything new going on up there.
Honestly, I am surprised a Spinal Tap wont follow, she had said one, but its not on the list. I am at a crossroads on how I feel about that. On one hand, I HATE having that needle stuck in my back, but on the other hand, I KNOW that I need the Tap, I know my pressure is high, if I hadn't gone through this for what amounts to more than half of my life, maybe then I wouldn't be so positive, but I do know. So we wait and Pray, and Pray and wait.

Since I want the DX of shunt malfunction, you may ask, what are we praying for? I am praying that the pressure stays low enough that I don't end up in the ER before my appointments. A dear friend of mine, enlightened me yesterday that this has been going on for a year. Its getting progressively worse, and she is right, I put it off TOO long. I should have called about 6 months ago before it became constant. Instead, I tried rationalizing, that this is not happening again, and the headaches and sickness was caused by stress of raising a very needy little girl. Its not.

Now, for the big question, Why do I want this to come out as a shunt malfunction, instead of say, NOTHING. Well, its simple, if its a shunt malfunction, its easily fixed. Not painlessly, but easily. I have a great neurosurgeon, who put the shunt in, he is even rated among the best by his colleagues. I trust him. What I don't trust, or have the time for, is having to look for what else could be causing all of these symptoms. They are all directly related to the PTC, including a lot of newer symptoms that I did not have before. Its easier to treat the known, and the unknown is just terrifying and more so when you are in pain.

I will know more of whats going on October 31st, after my follow up appointment.

That was a Short Wait

Well, I left off describing the lead up diagnosis to the PTC. That was fall of 1998, in the panic that followed such a rare illness (I have only met one other person from where I was from that has it) the doctors sent me down to Detroit to get checked by doctors more familiar with the effects on the eye. Kresge Eye institute, I was scared out of my mind, they sent me to the third floor (where all new patients went at the time) There were so many canes I was truly afraid of what I was about to endure. Fortunately, it was NOT THAT BAD. Oh the waits and testing were murder. It was definitely and all day affair for each appointment even the ones at 9am, basically because it was a 2 hour drive just to get there.

I saw the worst doctor in the history of medicine, OK, he wasn't that bad, but he had no chair side manner and was a jerk...I have had a few people refer me to him since, NO THANKS, I would rather be sick or even blind. Fortunately he didn't want me as a patience since I didn't have insurance, and sent me to a wonderful doctor who met us on the 1st floor where he had his office hours. Dr. Ing was the greatest most gentle and understanding doctor I had ever met. He allowed me to quit taking all the meds I was on (Diamox has some pretty nasty side effects) they weren't working anyhow. He also made a point to calm me down about the weightloss, now, I still tried to lose weight (its been a constant battle all of my life) but said that obviously since the problem was not better at a lesser weight, and not worse at the heavier ones, that weight is just a problem that the docs try to blame it on and they really don't know what causes it.

I felt human again. This was NOT my fault. After seeing Dr. Ing twice, I was given the option of surgery or pretty much wait and see. I had already lost alot of vision, and even more of my visual field. When I looked at the charts (the visual field is demonstrated about the size of a 50cent piece) my vision was about the size of a dime. I fought to get medicaid (I was still just a temp at the hospital) til I won. I had the Optic Nerve Sheath Fenestration done. Within weeks I could see an improvement. I continued those appointments til Dr. Ing was sent back to Canada, I cried hard that day.

Just over a year later, I was back in the hospital, back to being sick, and so frustrated. Granted the headaches hadn't gone away yet, but I thought I was done battling.
In 2001, I married the most wonderful man on the face of this earth. We got pregnant. We Lost the baby (all within 3 months) and I wound up back in the hospital with PTC in August.

This time was a bit different though. The man I married was from the Detroit area. I was admitted to a Detroit Area hospital. The ER doctor and Neurologist who saw me there did not treat this as some imaginary fake disease. I was treated for the pain, lovely morphine. Given several muscle relaxers to try to ease the tension from the muscles, something no one had ever done before, and while it didn't help for very long (only about 20 minutes) The next day I was told I would be receiving a visit from a referral he had made to a Neurosurgeon.

Hmmm. I knew about treating PTC surgically, I knew from the support groups, that sometimes they worked REALLY well, and others, not so much. Was I willing to take the risk? I did not know. I had questions, and lots of them. I wanted a family, would the shunt interfere with that? I wanted to be headache free...if not I didn't think surgery would be worth it. When Dr. Daniel Pieper walked in that door, I knew I was getting fixed.

He told me yes, I could still have children, but I may need a C-Section (no problem) and that while he couldn't promise that it would work, he had had alot of success with headache reduction.
That was good enough for me too. On September 11, 2001, yes while the Twin towers collapsed from Terrorism, I had my shunt put in.
The next day was hard, I think it was harder due to not knowing what was going on in the outside world than the actual pain I felt.
I got to go home a few days later, within two weeks the headaches were GONE. Yes GONE, I got a period about 12 days later and that cycle conceived the BUG.

When the headaches started returning intermittently, I figured it was just tension from raising a child, or whatever other excuse I could come up with. But when they started NOT going away again. I called. Surprisingly, today, SATURDAY, at 10:30am, the phone rang, it was his office. They are going to have some tests run to check the function of the shunt. I feel so much better knowing that I am getting the ball rolling to getting back to what had become normal. I don't need to be sick with a 5 year old.

Thank God He knows whats going on. I know in my heart this problem will be corrected quickly.

Well the bug is behaving much much better today and yesterday, we set up a reward system in which she has to earn points and stickers and stamps to get to go to our activities like McDonalds play dates.
She likes the system, and is working towards a goal of getting to go when we are scheduled to go, she gets to stamp her calendar and we even marked in on the paper, so she knows what she has to do to get her rewards.

I have Pseudotumor cerebri, or what amounts to a false brain tumor. It was diagnosed after suffering for nearly 10 years before someone figured out why I had headaches that were debilitating, dizzy spells that lasted forever, and nice shiny spots in my vision. I had to get what I THOUGHT was the flu to be diagnosed back in 1998.

The week had been stressful, I was working a job with a trainer that I didn't particularly care for (come to find out she had had a death in the family, so it wasn't all her fault she was so out of it) but the job was quite disorganized for the line I was in, and it was not preforming like I felt it should (I had worked for Marriott in college, and the college cafeteria was much cleaner than the hospital I was currently working for) I had had a root beer to drink, food didn't seem appealing, I thought I was getting sick from all the stress of working with a missing trainer...after all, how do you learn to do a job, when your teacher is NOWHERE to be found??

Well I got home and got really sick on Wednesday evening, called into work on Thursday, since I worked in a hospital, I couldn't go back without a doctors note, so Thursday I went in, they wrote me a note to go back on Monday, but on Friday I was back in the office since I could not walk across the 12 feet of living room in the house without nearly fainting, I was seriously dehydrated, but my eyes were not capable of following the doctors finger either. They sent me to an Opthalmologist, scared that something was REALLY wrong, little did we know what was coming.
We went to the Opthalmologist straight away, I could no longer bear the sight of light at all, it sent sharp pains through my head, neck and back, and just was beyond unbearable. The mean doctor shined the brightest of bright lights in the backs of my eyes, and sent me to the emergency room for a CT scan, he told my mom, that he thought I had a brain tumor. Not a good thing to hear when you are about the age your cousin was when she died of a brain tumor 9 years earlier (when the headaches Started)

After a long gruelling time in the ER, and an MRI, there was no tumor, but the morphine was barely helping the pain at all, that day, I had my second spinal tap. (the first was also when the headaches started, and while the results were the same, the symptoms of PTC are very different for Pediatric patients as I have learned since diagnosis, so it was missed)
The PA (physicians assistant) I was assigned it the ER caught it only because he had just learned about it. Thank heavens for him still being a student.
and thus started the journey to where we are now, waiting the call back from Dr. Pieper's office on what to do next.

What a day

well Today did not go as planned, nor did yesterday, I guess I need to try a different plan.
Bug has behaved beyond horrible all day.
She has been fighting school, and being obedient in general, I have a headache from dealing with her...can I go hide somewhere?

I love her dearly, but this nonsense is really bad. I am at my wits end and noone at all is happy. tomorrow we will try a chart and see if we can get her to earn stickers or something for being good, if she is good all week, we will go to Mc Donalds for play group....she has to have some motivation for behaving, and I need the goals met.

The Agenda

Well today's schedule is working much better than yesterday. Although I am not going according to times very well, its just after noon here and we got some school done, we got the grocery shopping out of the way, Menu is planned, and today's chores will be completed within reason in about an hour or so.

The funny thing is, I think I feel accomplished just based on that fact that we were both dressed before noon.
Today is a sweater day, it was only 55 at noon here. It is actually nice, but it did require the Bug to choose more appropriate attire. She is in one of our Thrift store finds from last week or so.

On the Menu for the remainder of this week
Today (Tuesday) Meatloaf, Mashed Cheesy Potatoes, Garlicky Green Beans
Wednesday Spaghetti and Grandpa's homemade meat sauce, Fresh Bread
Thursday Crock Pot Pot Roast, Probably shredded and served over bread
Friday Lasagna, garlic bread (the lasagna will be made on Wednesday with the leftover sauce (I will make 3 8"pans for the freezer)
Saturday should be a smorgasbord of leftovers if not, it will be Chili

Do you Remember Where you were?

September 11, 2001
I do. On that fateful day, I did not see it fresh in the news, I awoke to the fact that my Neurosurgeon was told about the towers while inserting a shunt. My shunt.
I am more thankful than ever that God was in that operating room because 6 years later it has not failed yet, and To be honest, I was a wreck after hearing about the towers, so I am blessed that my doctor didn't get shook up.

We had miscarried that June, then I had the harshest of my PTC attacks that August, which is what led to the shunt being inserted on that day.

It was so long ago, six years, my baby wasn't even conceived yet. Bug was not conceived til October 7, 2001, a mere month later.
She does not know much about what went on that fateful day in 2001 before she was born. We rarely watch non Sky angel TV, so she does not hear the news. We will teach her about this as well as other parts of American History.

Many people gave their lives today, totally unprepared when they left for work that morning. How do you prepare for something like that? You really cannot. Those people are truly heroes, They brought a divided nation together.

I think its so peculiar. We have a lot of people who claim that they are not Christian, and more that claim that they are, but the one commonality, when problems strike, WE all Pray. We call out to our creator.
I grew up between two non Christian homes. My Family went to church, believed FIRMLY in God, and my neighbors, well, they didn't, But when things went wrong.... Guess who they called to pray with and for them? You guessed it, they came to us. As Christians, we are there for people to come to. Perhaps One day, they will not come to us, but rather Go straight to the source.
Share that source. God wants us to share his love and faithfulness.

Take time today to remember the Patriots. Those who have given their lives for your freedom. We are Free. We are free to speak, disrespect (what a shame that we have THAT freedom) and Free to believe what we choose.

2 Corinthians 3:17 Where the Spirit of the Lord is, There is Freedom. Or in a different version, There is Liberty.

A New Schedule

Well today we supposedly tried a new schedule, LOL, It DID NOT work.
Last night Bug had a HORRIBLE night, she fought going to sleep til almost 10pm and even then it was not without a fight. Now, before you start worrying about her being sick, or scared, or something legitimate and having a rough night, be forewarned, there was nothing wrong other than her not wanting to go to sleep.

Our Night went something like this... Bug, its time to get ready for bed, Go Brush your teeth...she goes into the bathroom, I hear water, Now, she does know how to do this all on her own, and I do not NORMALLY need to supervise, but I guess Last night was NOT normal. Fifteen Minutes later....do you still HAVE teeth? No mom, I still need to Brush my teeth.... What were you doing? Uhm Uhm UHM.
Now I am frustrated, go in BRUSH her teeth For her and tell her to GO TO BED. Good thing we did prayers ten minutes before the fiasco.
It is now 8:50 (mind you, we started with prayers at 8:15) I get her laid down. Leave the room and I hear MOMMMMMMMY. What Bug? I love you. I love you too, NOW go to sleep.
9:15 she is STILL talking (no one in the room to answer, but I guess) 9:20, Mommmmmmy? Go to Sleep. 9:35 MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY! Ok, Get your Bottom upstairs, YOU were told to go to sleep almost an hour ago. Now remember, in the middle you don't hear the patient momma finding out WHAT she needs each time, or the multiple warnings that she needs to not worry about the light, the cat, and the TV in the other room if she wants to sleep downstairs.
I take her up stairs, put her to bed, Turn the fan on, and WAHHHHHHH, I cant find Giraffe, this cute little stuffed giraffe, so here we go again, 20 minutes of crying over choices.
GRR, right now, I am so glad we are dealing with the infertility, because If I had two children, I wouldn't have survived (or she wouldn't be out of her room YET)
I slept with Giraffe to calm her, lol. And at 4:30am or so, a Bug was sleeping on my floor, happy to have her giraffe back.

Tonight WILL be different. At 7:30 we will be reading Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne, ONE chapter, and she will be going to bed UPSTAIRS, at 8pm. No ifs ands or buts about it.

We will Begin our schedule again on Tuesday, maybe we will get SOMETHING of it done.
The Chores, NO, because we have errands to run (need Ground beef and Eggs for Meatloaf) and I will need to disassemble the futon for the free cycle posting, and Move the wood and pipes as well as the other trash out front for tomorrows Great Garbage pick up. And we shall be done.

Tomorrow, evening I will post to let you know how it went.

What kind of Homeschooler?

I am totally dumbfounded, I just took this quiz from Guilt free Homeschooling. I am so so dumbfounded, I never would have imagined my results. I never in a million years would have classified our style as unschooling. I have always had the preconceived notions that unschoolers don't do anything. I don't know why, probably because its not scheduled. We do things, We use a curriculum, sometimes. We do unit studies, sometimes. We read, A LOT. Bug is 5 years old and working on stuff in Kindergarten and First Grade levels from a workbook style curriculum, she plays, helps me clean the house, and just about everything we do, We do together.

I had always considered myself more of the eclectic type, but I guess when I write down the spontaneity of our days, we are unschooling. I hate being tied down to a schedule, I have tried them several times. I was gifted the MOTH book by a good friend of mine and have discovered that nothing gets done if I put times where we are to break our day. I do love the schedule, we use more of a check list to measure what gets done though.

I guess its ok to be an unschooler, Bug is still learning quite a bit and keeping me on my toes. This week we are going to be notebooking the life of a moth since it was in today's newspaper. They even provide a lesson plan for teaching it.

Happy Labor Day Here's to a great unschool year.

Master of the Wind

Well we got hit with a MASSIVE thunderstorm while we were at the store
Flooded the parking lot to the middle of the car tires
The store LOST POWER
tornado warnings and touchdowns a county over
lights out on the way home
flooded roads, Boy, I am glad to be home,
the milk and one case of coke came in,
the kitty litter is Probably RUINED,
the cat food, well it will need to dry out,
Bug feels safe now that we are back home,
The rest of the groceries will come in when the rain STOPS.
and poor DH was worried sick....
isn't life grand

The song we sang on the way home, because Bug was terrified was I know the Master of the wind It is such a calming song in the midst of any storm.

School days

So much for following a plan, I thought we were going to work on Math, Phonics, History, and Geography today, Oh well.

We ended up working on Handwriting and Bible, As you can see, the creative little project here, Genesis 1:31, Each word is on a flower, and each flower attached to a Pipe Cleaner half and then its taped to the pot, Glue and pipe cleaners don't work very well together in our experience.

Bug had a blast coloring, taping and arranging. The Template came from Here.

We then went to www.kidzone.com and made a custom tracer page with the same verse for handwriting.

Altogether we had a very good day with school today.

I don't worry that we didn't get as much done as I would have liked, she is already 24 lessons into the Kindergarten Math curriculum.

Local schools don't start for 15 days, so she is still way ahead, and her phonics is first grade anyhow to keep up with her reading ability.

Tis life.

Fair Fun

Saturday was a Beautiful day, DH had to work in the morning, not a fun thing, but two hours of overtime is a blessing. When he got home, we got Bug ready to go, and headed out to the local fair.

Ok, we live in a large city, so after driving nearly an hour to get there, and having to deal with a 30 minute delay for a quarter mile of construction we were really praying that it was worth it. It was.

We parked across the street in a nice little home lot, what a pleasant way to make a quick buck, renting out your yard, Parking was $5 a car....not too bad and I was prepared for it...I think next year we are going to save so we can spend more money.

Admission was $14 for both DH and I, Bug was free since she is under 8.

Then we paid for an Ice Cream Cone filled with animal feed during the petting farm.

First we got to see the cows and bulls, there was an 8 day old black and white calf, she was so sweet but sleepy.

Then we saw the above cows, Sorry for the date stamp, I forgot to reset it when I charged the batteries.
The brown one, silly thing was lounged out across the black one, It almost looked as if they were kissing, too cute.

Our next stop was the petting farm, my whole reason for wanting to go. Originally, Bug had NO interest in feeding the animals, but the money went to 4h which I would like to see about getting her involved in eventually, so it was a good dollar spent.

We saw chicks, a calf (about two or three weeks old) a sheep, some hens and roosters, Rabbits, a Llama, a pony, some Ducks and more goats than you can imagine. They are who got most of the food, they are the coolest animals we even got to see a new baby goat, and it was frightened by all the other goats, they kept picking on him.

We also saw a live carousel (reason we need to save more money, as that was something Bug really wanted to go on, but the price wasn't in our reach since I didn't take extra...next year it will be more like our vacation day)

We did not see horses or Pigs this year, not sure why, but we never did find them.

we did see some Chain saw sculptures a Cowboy boot, a raccoon, a bird and a few other things, they were really neat.

We went and saw the entries, that's when we decided that the 4h really is something Bug is interested in....there are things that are not all about the animals, but other things that we CAN do in the city.
Then we went to the merchants, another place I wish I had had more to spend, we got some Watkins double strength Vanilla and Barbecue Sauce concentrate.

We had Hot dogs and a Knackwurst for lunch and headed home.

Its truly surprising how much we got done in just 3 hours of fair walking.

God's Will and Infertility

Our family has been battling secondary infertility since about 9 months after Bug arrived, after the second year of trying we decided to see WHY God wasnt blessing us, I don't ovulate, ok, very simple problem you'd think.
I have Killer periods when I do have them, they last FOREVER, ok, at least thats how DH feels, seriously though, I just finished one that lasted 6 weeks, the one before that, Oh, I think it was only a week or so, but the one before that, well that one lasted 3 MONTHS. So we definitely have some issues on my part.
We are of the belief that this should be treated in part because my Iron gets really low with the long periods, and the longer in between them the longer they seem to last. So we have been on hormone regulators to make things a bit easier.
I know LOTS of people would have a fit about that, but I am also sure that most of them dont bleed for 3 months on and 3 months off on a totally natural cycle either. So TOUGH.

We really want to get pregnant at least once more and have a second child, DH is a lonely child and I am one of two, I certainly do NOT want that for BUG, it was miserable for both of us and even now dh is the only one to deal with his mom (his dad has two step sons) and neither of his parents are easy to deal with) Obviously if you have in laws you can certainly understand that.

Well, since its now been 4 years plus a few monts of trying to get pregnant, and we have run two rounds of Clomid, and are about to start our third, we were talking the other day a what if scenerio...if we get pregnant after the baby is born do we want to see about using Birth Control that would eliminate the heavy periods nearly completely (if not completely) or should we keep trusting that it would work out...at the very least I think we will stick with a provera regimin to keep them less than 3 months long, lol.

Bug Loves to read the Keys for Kids to us, as we also read them to her, but her stories are completely random. Since she is JUST 5 years old, she cant find the verses as easily in her bible as we can, So...Last night I helped her find the Verse, it was Psalm 119:9-16 but she flipped pages when she was heading back to the loveseat to read, she Read..PSALM 127:3-5 NKJV (her Bible)
it reads...
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

After hearing that, while I have known it for a LONG time, How on earth can I justify shutting down my fertility by choice after just two children. If God blesses me with two, and it doesn't happen again, fine, but what if he wants be to have more? What if he chooses to never bless us again because We had made the choice that two was it? Ok, too many what ifs, we will stick with the provera to keep the periods livable, if we do get pregnancy once again, we will not be doing more clomid after two children though.

Oops

Didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I did do better than I had been doing.
We did eat out of the pantry almost all week (short of Thursday, which My sisters kitty had to be put down) I just was incapable of cooking, thinking or much else.
Its hard to believe that you could be so sad over a CAT, and an 18 year old cat at that. That is VERY old for a cat, he was well loved.

Today we have had a good day, But is napping right now, she did a lot of school today for her, we don't over do the school at this point, I don't want her NOT liking school because its too work intensive. She did a Math worksheet, then a handwriting sheet as well as art (finger paint and cut and paste)

We are still focusing on the writing as its SO challenging for her. I hate seeing her so frustrated, but I know she will get it when she is supposed to.

Staying on Budget with a Pantry Challenge

With an extra tight budget for the next two weeks but it really needs to stay even if the overtime comes back.
So I am off to a Pantry Challenge, I have a good stock of foods, but menu planning has been a challenge this summer.
Tonight was our last day going out to eat for at least the next 13 days. We just need to stop, no ifs ands or buts about it.

So, Tomorrow, we are beginnign a pantry challenge (my goal is to spend less than $15 including Milk)

Tuesday, We are having Spaghetti with Meat Sauce (all pantry)
Wednesday, We are having Chicken Quesadilla's with Sour cream Salsa (all Pantry)
Thursday, We are having Pizza Bread Sandwiches (Pepperoni, Cheese, bacon in frozen yeast rolls risen, flattened and sandwiched) (all in Pantry)
Friday, We are having Steak, Crock Pot baked Potatoes, Mushrooms and Onions (Baked Potatoes on sale for $1.79 for 3lbs, extras will be converted into twice baked potatoes and frozen)
Saturday, we tend to Graze on Saturdays, so we are having a relish tray of sliced Cucumbers (free) Bell Pepper(free) from DH's Coworkers Garden) as well as cherry tomatoes ($1.49 a pint) and Radishes (89c) and Baby Carrots (99c) we are also having BBQ sausages (1.99) and Kings Hawaiian Rolls (1.99) for a total for the day of about 7.50
Sunday, we are having Nacho pizza rolls with chips and cheese as a snack 2.79 for chips AND cheese

Grand total for week $11.93

Next week wont be quite as cheap, unfortunately, but it wont be horrible either.

Monday we will have Chicken Quesadilla's again (a family favorite) will need tortillas (1.99)

Tuesday We are having Lasagna only need the cottage Cheese $1.49 Aldis

Wednesday Pepperoni Cheese Bread, will be making the crust from scratch this time so will just need Mozzarella cheese $2 for 8 oz

Thursday we are having Pork Satay, I have to use the pork, sooner or later, so why not sooner, will make crab Rangoon to go with it, Crab is 1.99, Cream cheese, is $1, and the won ton wrappers should be under 1.99

Friday I am trying my hand at making Chicken Shack style food (to make up for not going out to eat) I am going to Barbecue Breaded Tenders and Butter some McCain's Roasters with a spiced Butter sauce, we shall see how close it tastes. $1.50 for the BBQ sauce (would love to go get a bottle of theirs, but that's not in the budget this week)

Saturday, we are having BBQ ribs and Burgers, corn on the cob and a sandwich fixings, Tomatoes 99c lb, buns, 49c at Aldis and the corn is 1.99 for 12 ears... the leftovers will be frozen.

Sunday, Smoked Sausage $1.99, Scalloped Potatoes (pantry) and Garlic green Beans (Pantry)

Total spent...17.42 plus $2.50 for a gallon of milk

Anything else we spend for the next two weeks will be for storage for restocking for next week.

Oh Why, Oh Why, Did my bug Turn Five?

If anyone tries telling you parenting is easy, they aren't one. This past few days around here has been HARD. Bug is going through a stage of being downright defiant. It is taxing DH and I to near breaking...I cry out to God for help, I honestly wonder if he hears me.
If there is one thing I want my child to learn more than anything else its to be obedient. In her future, there will likely be a husband, maybe a boss, we will be here for for several more years, and many other authority figures surround us.
She is learning of consequences. On one hand I hate seeing my child upset, but for reasons beyond my comprehension, when things do not work, she loses her temper and hits or just outright tries to hurt us. I am nervous, at times, when we think about the fact we are trying to have another baby (have been for 5 years now) because she has these horrible mood swings into violence.
We are firm, non yielding parents. Her words cut like a knife "I was being good, yet you were mean to me" generally the response we get when we say no to a request, be it reasonable or not. Most of the time my response is trite, that you have to be good more than just when you want things, and I put away what she is begging for....guess what that gives us....can you guess?? exactly, MORE FITS. I have tried all sorts of discipline, nothing seems to give permanent results. most of the time now, I just ignore the fits and make her take some alone time. Hopefully she will learn something from all of this, if not, I seriously pray that this is just a phase and "THIS TOO SHALL PASS"
Oh why, oh Why, did my bug turn five?